To think you sold him years ago (horse) so no you cant come visit him

[BlueEyesWhiteDragon]

I bought a(nother) horse last summer from a local dealer as I've lost confidence riding for various reasons and my mare is a bit crazy spirited and I wanted something quiet and ploddy. Hes perfect for this.

About 6 months ago a previous owner of his (from 4 years ago) discovered I had him and keeps getting in touch to ask how he is, can she come visit, do I want to sell him? I've pandered to the first one by replying occasionally and said no to the latter 2 several times but perhaps not bluntly enough.

I've just had a text message tonight saying

Hi Dragon. You haven't replied to my message last night. Hope everythings OK and you are well? How is T doing? Im passing your way on Wednesday and thought Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly! Speak soon A xxx

As far as I can tell the history of T is
A owned him from 6 months to 9 years. He was then sold to B with the proviso that they would keep in touch. B sold him 2 years later to Dealer 1 who sold him to person C. 12 months later C sold him to a Dealer 2. Dealer 2 sold him to D who had him just under 6 months before falling off him and so returned him in a part ex for something smaller. I then bought him.
When B sold him to the first dealer A posted on a facebook group to try and track him down. C responded to say she had him and they have been facebook friends since and A went to visit T a couple of times. A was offered him back when C sold him but couldn't afford him. When the second dealer sold him they obviously refused to share details on where he went due to GDPR so A has been posting on facebook groups since then trying to track him down. A girl who used to help me with them saw a post and said she thought he was with me and gave my email address. I received a long email saying how they regretted selling him, about how hed been to loads of homes since them and they just wanted to know he was OK. I responded with some photos through whatsapp, said he was fine and that he had a home for life with me.

Since that original email on 7th October I have had 104 messages asking about him! At one point I blocked her because I had enough but she was posting all over facebook asking for info because I had disappeared and sent letters to the horses passport office asking them to forward them onto me which they did so I unblocked her.

I am at the end of my tether. I dont want the hassle of a previous owner keeping in touch with me. I didnt agree to keep in touch and in fact the dealer never mentioned it. She sold him 4 years ago. I appreciate she loves him and regrets selling him, but thats tough shit isnt it? Hes been to loads of people before me. Its unfortunate that they seem to be local enough to visit. Im debating saying ive sold him just so shell leave me alone but then shell be back all over facbook hunting for him.

AIBU to say no hes mine now. Ive let you know hes OK. If anything happens or changes Ill let you know but Id prefer you not to visit?

It’s your horse, tell her it’s looked after & to Bob off.Then block her...

104 messages, she sounds a bit obsessed. I would reply horse is fine but you don't want her to visit as it may unsettle horse. I would also tell her if ever you do decide to sell horse you would give her first.option to buy it back. Then block her.

She may misconstrue "contact" (deliberately, even) to mean physical contact. You need to spell that out as via email. Apart from that, it's great.

She is very manipulative and controlling OP and up until now you have allowed this. Her 104 messages are harassing you.

She will push the boundaries to achieve her aim of riding him regularly and completely take over.

I agree with your Text message telling her that this contact is no longer appropriate.

I feel awful for you OP, you sound lovely and this has been used against you, stand your ground and if she randomly appears I would not hesitate in calling 101 to log harassment.

Hit Send and end all this now OP 🌺

You need to ask yourself in what other circumstances would this ever be normal, or accepted. There really is none. People with pets who sell them or rehome them, forget that once they do this they cease ownership and any right to information of them. A person whom has presumably, paid good money for 'goods' (and in the eyes of the law, your horse is 'goods') is now the owner and has no responsibility or onus to tell her anything. Even her selling to a person with the condition 'to keep in touch/updated about horse' is not a legally binding contract and frankly, unreasonable. You cannot in law sell with that expectation, it's utter nonsense. The animal is theirs to do with whatever they want (within reason of course).

I absolutely think you have been very kind to have kept in touch like you have, and old owner should have been grateful for that. Instead she's been given an inch and is taking a mile - and that's her own fault, she's likely going to lose most of the contact she has now, because of her need to push to CF level - her fault, not yours OP. You're under zero obligation to keep her updated 'a couple of times a year' which over the horses life, will be a long time. I'm sure it makes me unkind, but I sure wouldn't do it. I'd do an initial update, maybe have done another a year later if they're lucky, and that'd have been that.

This womans lack of boundaries (and maybe you haven't been blunt with her - but most of the population would understand they were crossing boundaries at this point without needing to be told) is not your responsibility. In fact, I think she's very aware of the boundaries, but is making the conscious choice to ignore that and force you into contact (horse passport office). She's not daft, she's forceful and controlling. And I'd wager it absolutely has something to do with a couple of his sales, at the very least. People want to enjoy their pets, not have to answer to a long ago owner interviewing them on their daily activities and care of their pet.

Absolutely do not give her your address. Ever. Contact the HPO and see if you have a note on your account to block this womans access to your information. Confront 'friend' whom shared your personal details and make her aware the woman is harrassing you (which if it continues you'll have to report to the police) and if she shares any more personal details, you'll be reporting HER to the police. Make the admin of groups aware she is harrassing you, and you just want to enjoy the horse YOU bought.

Lastly, I'd honest just send her:

'Look, I honestly just want to enjoy my horse. I appreciate you love him dearly, but nevertheless I bought him fair and square. I didn't sign up for all of this. I've tried to keep you updated because I understood you loved him and had to sell in difficult circumstances, but this is going too far. I'm afraid you're going to have to accept that you don't own him anymore. I only responded to contact again because you forced my hand through HPO, not out of choice.

With the what feels like constant contact, telling me you NEED an address because you've took it upon yourself to visit, questions and quizzing about what I'm doing with him, and the HPO incident, I'm no longer comfortable with you visiting or keeping in contact anymore. I will give you first refusal if I ever wish to sell, but currently that's unexpected. Please do not carry on contacting me, directly or undirectly through FB searches and HPO.'

@MadMadMadamMim

God no!

Just text to say, I'm sorry, but horse is now mine. I've politely answered your questions, sent you some photos, but this is now becoming harassment. In the last 6 months you have sent 104 messages, which is ridiculous! Please don't contact me again. I'm blocking you now.

Ignore after that. Block on FB.

This. No way would I let her visit - even once. If you do she will be forever turning up unannounced etc.

Oh and by the way (sent too soon) take heed of this:

'Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly!'

She is telling you what she will do if you don't. Believe her. Set up CCTV, and be absolutely willing to report her to police if this doesn't stop. If it doesn't, you are then being stalked and harrassed.

Good luck. And please, enjoy the horse you love.

@SausageBeanz

Oh and by the way (sent too soon) take heed of this:

'Id pop in and visit him with C and give him some carrots but I need the address else i'll just be driving round aimlessly!'

She is telling you what she will do if you don't. Believe her. Set up CCTV, and be absolutely willing to report her to police if this doesn't stop. If it doesn't, you are then being stalked and harrassed.

Good luck. And please, enjoy the horse you love.

too true 🌺

@Looseleaf your reply was so lovely and measured.

If there are any directors or writers out there reading this it would make an amazing film!

Sorry to not offer constructive advice OP, but I think you've had some invaluable advice from PPs.

She’s bonkers. Id be sending a cease and desist letter.

.

I think as a lot on here, she has people's sympathy to the situation until you mentioned the barrage of the messages and the passport office. If you don't want her randomly turning up, don't give his location. I would be saying whilst it has been good to find out about his past that you can't keep up that level of contact and stipulate what you are willing to do. At the end of the day as sad as her situation is, she has not respected your privacy to calm the messages down but instead went out of her way to track you down. And in all honesty (and as you mentioned with your mum) you could have been going through anything with the way things are, from being ill yourself to have suffered a bereavement. But she obviously didn't take a moment to even consider that. Give her a inch a she will take a mile.

All this angsting over an unhinged horse botherer. Just tell her she has harassed you for months with a barrage of messages you didn’t want so you are now going to be blunt so that there are no misunderstandings in the future. She sold the horse, he is now yours and neither she nor any other ex owner are welcome at your house. The horse is happy in his forever home and that is the end of the conversation. Any further attempts at contacting you or dragging other people into it will be construed as harassment and reported to the police.

Personally I think the latest message is still inviting contact and trouble i.e. harassment.
Would suggest amending.

Hi A. I am well thanks. I'm sorry, that doesn't work for me as I don’t have capacity to accomodate visits. In addition, the number of messages received has been overwhelming and outside the bounds of normal concern. I am happy to provide you with one update per year in line with what I do for others and in appreciation of your attachment to X. Outside of this I will not be corresponding. Please rest assured that he is absolutely adored, well looked after and the intention is that he will live out the rest of his days here but in the extremely unlikely event I need to sell him I will contact you as first offer. Take care x

It's such a sad story.

"A" probably cares deeply about the horse, raised him from 6 months to 9 years old and was forced by circumstances to sell him. Nevertheless she did everything possible to ensure that she would maintain contact with the horse - she probably feels so responsible for his wellbeing and probably rather guilty about having to sell him. She probably just wants to see that the horse is well and whether he remembers her or not.

On the other hand, you bought the horse in good faith, you also like the horse, enjoy riding him and look after him well. You're now the horse's owner, and never expected that the horse comes with history and visitation rights. Which he doesn't!

Your draft text msg sounds good - you are firmly telling the previous owner that you don't have the time or the inclination to indulge visits from previous owners, but - if you ever come round to selling him, she will get the first refusal. That's fair.

@CausingChaos2

I hope your yard is secure. I’d be worried that she’ll still drive around to look for him. Definitely don’t agree to meet up - it would be sending her the wrong message.

This. Anyone else at the hard should be told to call the police if a stranger is seen around the OP's horse.

yard

Your message is far too nice. She has already shown inappropriate behaviour, and frankly I'd be telling her stop, or I report her to the police for harassment.

Ok just sell him back to her and get another horse.

She's broken hearted about losing him. She had him from a foal. You can't feel so close to him as only just got him.

I'd do that but I'm a softie.

Or say look he is mine, I don't want constant contact, but you can visit twice a year.

Personally I'd be kind.

@Parkerwhereareyou

Ok just sell him back to her and get another horse.

She's broken hearted about losing him. She had him from a foal. You can't feel so close to him as only just got him.

I'd do that but I'm a softie.

that is a Joke right ? 🤔🤣

She didn't 'lose' him, @Parkerwhereareyou, she sold him. If she can't afford to buy him back at his fair market price, she doesn't get to come around and play at being his owner, undermining OP's relationship with her horse. Even if she can afford to buy him, he's not for sale.

Your draft message is still too nice and friendly, OP. Tell her to limit herself to one text or email every six months, no visits.

She has shown how persistent she will be if you are not clear with her.

I'd say
"I have been reconsidering, and realized I don't feel comfortable with our level of contact, or with the idea of visiting the horse.
I have tried to be reassuring with updates, but I now feel overwhelmed by your requests for information and contact.
The horse is happy and healthy and will continue to be loved. I wish you well, but ask you to stop contacting me."

I’d send the last message. You don’t want her coming once. I’m sure it wouldn’t just be a one off

If you give her the address she will start turning up whenever she likes. A polite but firm no is required.Poor horse being sold so much.