Would you want to know your DH was cheating?

[SupermarketSecrets]

So there's a married man at work, early 30s married with a child having an affair with a 17 year old girl. Everyone at work knows, they're very open about it at work and people do gossip about them.

Lots of people have said someone should tell his wife so she's aware.
I feel guilty for knowing, almost like an accomplice but I don't want to get involved.

AIBU to think we should stay out of it? Or would you want to know your husband was cheating?

[mars2]

What I said, very simply and repeatedly was that people underestimate what damage being told by a stranger can do , and people should consider that before doing their white knight bit.

This is true & even when friends are involved often the messenger still gets shot. I have seen it twice blow up in the messenger's face. 1) the wife knew but was turning a blind eye & she didn't want to confront it & didn't so friend who told was frozen out. 2) girlfriend had no idea but decided to forgive & went on to marry the man. The friendship of the friend who told fizzled out as she was a constant reminder of what they wanted to move on.

[Suzi888]

Yes I’d want to know if DH was having an affair, I can’t think of a single reason why anyone wouldn’t want to know.
If you already know and pretend not to, then just carry on doing that..
If this is happening in the work place the matter needs to be raised with HR.

(My opinion - not getting into a back and forth with anybody!)

[Bubbletea50]

If the wife was your friend, that is a totally different situation, and one where you are much more likely to have the additional context. I resent that some people here have conflated these together.

With her being a stranger, it is just not your business. Throwing a missile like this into someone's life who you don't know isn't a power you should exercise.

[RootyT00t]

@Bubbletea50

If the wife was your friend, that is a totally different situation, and one where you are much more likely to have the additional context. I resent that some people here have conflated these together.

With her being a stranger, it is just not your business. Throwing a missile like this into someone's life who you don't know isn't a power you should exercise.

Interested to see if @HollyCarrot personally attacks you for this view or if she just saved that for me.

[RootyT00t]

@Suzi888

Yes I’d want to know if DH was having an affair, I can’t think of a single reason why anyone wouldn’t want to know.
If you already know and pretend not to, then just carry on doing that..
If this is happening in the work place the matter needs to be raised with HR.

(My opinion - not getting into a back and forth with anybody!)

HR would not be interested in two consenting adults having an affair.

[RootyT00t]

@HollyCarrot

And you're terribly grown up calling me bonkers. A great argument altogether.

Your line of argument is.

[MacDuffsMuff]

I was told by a stranger that my DH was having an affair. It devastated me. Not for the fact that it was a stranger, that made no difference to me at all, if my friend had told me that DH was shagging a 20 year old would I have felt any better about it? Of course not. The notion that it would somehow soften the blow is nonsense to me because they didn't do the damage, DH did. Every lie he told, all the time I lost worrying that he was working too hard and that's why he was late, every 'poor DH' because he missed another of DS's milestones, all of it was HIS doing. I certainly didn't blame the person for telling me. I'll be forever grateful til the day I die that she did. 3 of my friends knew and didn't tell me and I could never forgive them for that, as far as I'm concerned it's as good as covering for him.

[CuntyMcBollocks]

Of course I'd want to know if my dh was cheating.