Would you want to know your DH was cheating?

[SupermarketSecrets]

So there's a married man at work, early 30s married with a child having an affair with a 17 year old girl. Everyone at work knows, they're very open about it at work and people do gossip about them.

Lots of people have said someone should tell his wife so she's aware.
I feel guilty for knowing, almost like an accomplice but I don't want to get involved.

AIBU to think we should stay out of it? Or would you want to know your husband was cheating?

[SupermarketSecrets]

[quote changingnames786]@SupermarketSecrets perhaps drip feed is a bit strong but I'd say a parent and management knowing is quite important but only because I'm mostly concerned for the 17 year old, you seem more concerned for the wife so I can see why you didn't mention those without prompt.[/quote]
I just didn't see those as relevant to my AIBU. Tbh until posters pointed it out on here, I wasn't concerned for the 17 year old. She knows he's married with a child and seeing their behaviour at work, she knows what she's doing. I can now see there is a concern for her too.

[trevthecat]

I would find a way to tell her. She needs to know. Then she can make her own mind up. I would never admit to it being me who told though

[changingnames786]

I can now see there is a concern for her too.

Good.

[mamaoffourdc]

I would want to know

[MarieIVanArkleStinks]

No, don't tell the wife.

Her husband is an absolute sleeze. The worst issue is that he's taking advantage of his power over a much younger colleague, although at her age I wouldn't see this as a safeguarding issue or grooming. She's independent and she's over the age of consent. But I'd still see it as an abuse of position and would be concerned if I were a manager in that organisation.

Not only this, but he doesn't even respect the poor woman enough to be discreet about it. He's repulsive. The third disgusting thing he's done is put his colleagues in a terrible position. Were I his wife I would absolutely want to know all these things so I could kick his sorry arse to the kerb. But I would not assume responsibility for that knowledge on the part of his colleagues nor expect them to tell me.

The best advice in all these cases unless there is abuse or safeguarding at stake, is to stay well out of it.

[SupermarketSecrets]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

No, don't tell the wife.

Her husband is an absolute sleeze. The worst issue is that he's taking advantage of his power over a much younger colleague, although at her age I wouldn't see this as a safeguarding issue or grooming. She's independent and she's over the age of consent. But I'd still see it as an abuse of position and would be concerned if I were a manager in that organisation.

Not only this, but he doesn't even respect the poor woman enough to be discreet about it. He's repulsive. The third disgusting thing he's done is put his colleagues in a terrible position. Were I his wife I would absolutely want to know all these things so I could kick his sorry arse to the kerb. But I would not assume responsibility for that knowledge on the part of his colleagues nor expect them to tell me.

The best advice in all these cases unless there is abuse or safeguarding at stake, is to stay well out of it.

Thank you, that's what I'll do

[Pbur]

Yes tell her but make sure you give her all the evidence and a watertight reveal. The worst thing would be an anonymous letter that he can brush off as a “crazy ex” etc. if you tell her, you need to arm her with all the information she needs so she is sure that it is real and she can act in her best interests accordingly.

[Velvian]

I'm also concerned about the 17YO. The man needs to be shown by his colleagues that a man in his 30s going after a 17 YO (a child) is reprehensible.

[itsasin77]

Not Maccies is it??
I’ve heard some right things about the managers and younger members of staff there!! Disgusting behaviour

[adrien]

Is there anyway you could tell her anonymously?

I would really want to know if it was my husband!

[PretendLife]

Is 17 legally a child these days? I was working full time at 16 (a long time ago) and thought 16 is classed as an adult? I went out with older men at that age, I wouldn't have thanked anyone for interferring. Looking back now I feel differently but would have told people to mind their own business at the time.

[tentimesaday]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

No, don't tell the wife.

Her husband is an absolute sleeze. The worst issue is that he's taking advantage of his power over a much younger colleague, although at her age I wouldn't see this as a safeguarding issue or grooming. She's independent and she's over the age of consent. But I'd still see it as an abuse of position and would be concerned if I were a manager in that organisation.

Not only this, but he doesn't even respect the poor woman enough to be discreet about it. He's repulsive. The third disgusting thing he's done is put his colleagues in a terrible position. Were I his wife I would absolutely want to know all these things so I could kick his sorry arse to the kerb. But I would not assume responsibility for that knowledge on the part of his colleagues nor expect them to tell me.

The best advice in all these cases unless there is abuse or safeguarding at stake, is to stay well out of it.

Really tired of this attitude. Of course it's not your responsibility to tell her. But you should still do so.

How would you feel if it were you?

[HollowTalk]

God, don't you just wish someone would say to him in front of others, "What would your wife say if she knew you were shagging a 17 year old?"

[TheVolturi]

I'd want to know so that I could find my rusty saw to hack his knob off.

[HollowTalk]

And say to the girl, "This man doesn't respect you. He's using you. He's nearly twice your age, ffs. You're a beautiful girl - dump him and look for someone who's single."

[Wherediditgo]

Going against the grain, i would stay out of it OP.
If his wife isn’t a friend of yours then it’s none of your business really.

[mars2]

I wouldn't, I assume senior staff & a parent is potentially aware so you may find yourself very unpopular at work.

[mightbealittlebitmad]

I once witnessed a colleague getting it on with someone who wasn't their husband. I stayed well out of it, I had met the husband a few times but had absolutely no idea of their relationship.

Another colleague was suspected of cheating too, a lot of people knew the wife but everyone just stayed out of it, I don't think anyone had any concrete evidence. As it happens she caught in in the act so it all came out anyway.

Somewhere else I used to work we used to have a guest who was getting it on with someone, kissing them and groping them in front of us and he would bring his wife in too. Nobody to my knowledge ever said a word, I never did, none of my business. Didn't know either of them personally, they just used to drink in the bar.

I personally would stay out of it unless it was a close friend who I knew would want to know. I have enough of my own drama to deal with without getting involved in somebody else's life to be fair.

[RootyT00t]

@Mintlegs

Anonymous letter

Don't do this. Or at least the threads on the damage this causes.

Stay out of it OP.

[Alsohuman]

@MarieIVanArkleStinks

No, don't tell the wife.

Her husband is an absolute sleeze. The worst issue is that he's taking advantage of his power over a much younger colleague, although at her age I wouldn't see this as a safeguarding issue or grooming. She's independent and she's over the age of consent. But I'd still see it as an abuse of position and would be concerned if I were a manager in that organisation.

Not only this, but he doesn't even respect the poor woman enough to be discreet about it. He's repulsive. The third disgusting thing he's done is put his colleagues in a terrible position. Were I his wife I would absolutely want to know all these things so I could kick his sorry arse to the kerb. But I would not assume responsibility for that knowledge on the part of his colleagues nor expect them to tell me.

The best advice in all these cases unless there is abuse or safeguarding at stake, is to stay well out of it.

This. Most sensible post on the thread.

[BurbageBrook]

It is so awful and I can't believe all the posts saying not to tell the wife. When someone told me my ex DP had been cheating for a year, I was nothing but grateful. Tell her - anyone would deserve to know that. Poor woman. And the poor 17 year old too.

[BurbageBrook]

Grateful to the messenger, I mean, of course. Will always be deeply thankful she told me and would always tell a woman in the same situation.

[RootyT00t]

Grateful? Really?

[Borntohula]

@Tinydinosaur

I would want to know. God I'd be humiliated.

As the wife? Or the 30 odd year old 'dating' a 17yo ? I know which would make me feel more ashamed.

[PurrBox]

Anyone who has been the wife in this situation would be telling you that she would be deeply grateful to you for telling the truth. I have been the wife, and it would have made such a profound difference to my life if one of the many people who knew what my husband was doing had told me what was going on in my life.

Please tell the wife.