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AIBU?

Would you want to know your DH was cheating?

133 replies

SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 14:38

So there's a married man at work, early 30s married with a child having an affair with a 17 year old girl. Everyone at work knows, they're very open about it at work and people do gossip about them.

Lots of people have said someone should tell his wife so she's aware.
I feel guilty for knowing, almost like an accomplice but I don't want to get involved.

AIBU to think we should stay out of it? Or would you want to know your husband was cheating?

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noego · 21/03/2021 15:37

Everyone at work knows, they're very open about it at work and people do gossip about them

So you are all complicit!!

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Amorousfrog · 21/03/2021 15:46

Who is looking out for the 17 year old? Never mind her parents, who is helping her?

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 15:52

@changingnames786

I would normally say stay out of it but 17 is disgusting, I'd be minded to tell the parents of the 17 year old. I'm assuming the 17 year old is nothing to do with the work place? If she is I'd formally report it to work too.

The 17 year old also works with us. One of her parents also works here, apparently they're aware but I don't know that for sure.

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 15:53

@HealingMum

Do they work in retail btw? As I witnessed crap like this when I did. It's rife.

Yes retail. Affairs are rife but its never bend this obvious or with such an age gap before

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 15:56

@SupermarketSecrets then you should bloody well say something!! Talk to the parent about it, for heaven's sake she's 17 years old, don't sit by and watch! Report it to your manager as well. I don't give a toss about the marriage tbh, that's a personal matter, but the welfare of a 17 year old absolutely matters. Forget about the wife for a moment, think about the (very) young woman.

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 16:10

[quote changingnames786]@SupermarketSecrets then you should bloody well say something!! Talk to the parent about it, for heaven's sake she's 17 years old, don't sit by and watch! Report it to your manager as well. I don't give a toss about the marriage tbh, that's a personal matter, but the welfare of a 17 year old absolutely matters. Forget about the wife for a moment, think about the (very) young woman.[/quote]
Management do know, as does one of her parents (I believe).

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 16:14

@SupermarketSecrets what are they doing about it?

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nokidshere · 21/03/2021 16:15

On every other thread about teenagers the general consensus is stop babying them, let them find their own way, kick them out of home.

She is at work, earning, over the age of consent and her parent is also working there. Either report it to your manager or keep out of it. It's not your place to tell the wife. She probably knows already if everyone else does though.

Beyond being concerned for her safety (and if you are you should be speaking to management) she is perfectly entitled to sleep with whoever she likes.

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nokidshere · 21/03/2021 16:16

Cross posted regarding management involvement

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Figgyboa · 21/03/2021 16:18

Stay out of it, it doesn't affect you and really is mone of your business. You dont know the full story with his home life.

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 16:18

@nokidshere

On every other thread about teenagers the general consensus is stop babying them, let them find their own way, kick them out of home.

She is at work, earning, over the age of consent and her parent is also working there. Either report it to your manager or keep out of it. It's not your place to tell the wife. She probably knows already if everyone else does though.

Beyond being concerned for her safety (and if you are you should be speaking to management) she is perfectly entitled to sleep with whoever she likes.

Thanks, all I was asking was whether to tell the wife or not.

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GrandDuchessRomanov · 21/03/2021 16:19

Ignoring the ins and outs of age etc and who knows what, in answer to the header of your question.

YES I would most definitely want to know.

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harknesswitch · 21/03/2021 16:19

If I was the wife, yes I'd want to know

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 16:20

I think your concern is completely misplaced, but no I would not tell the wife. If it's as truly well known as you say, I am sure it will get back to her, hopefully by someone who knows her.

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ElizaLaLa · 21/03/2021 16:22

I'd want to know.
Tell her.

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FTEngineerM · 21/03/2021 16:22

I don’t quite get why the consensus is usually ‘leave them to it’ I would 100% wanna know if my DP was doing that and I don’t care who told me.

Obviously provide irrefutable evidence tho..

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 16:25

@FTEngineerM because OP doesn't know the wife, she can't know the full story, workplace rumours are rife, what if she said something and it was completely untrue, if it was her sister or close friend etc then it's a different question.

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hayjam · 21/03/2021 16:40

Could you look for the wife on social media?

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FTEngineerM · 21/03/2021 17:27

But if you had irrefutable evidence that he’s cheating @changingnames786 would you still not?

I’d want to know even if it was someone I’d never heard of telling me/showing me.

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ItscoldinAlaska · 21/03/2021 17:32

Yes, I would want to know. Especially if he was having an affair with a child. Rank.

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 17:37

@FTEngineerM no I wouldn't, random colleagues don't know enough about a couple to intervene like that, for all you know it's an open marriage, what if you're interfering in a relationship with domestic violence without realising and leaving someone vulnerable unbeknownst to you so unable to assist. Cheating isn't a crime, it's unsavoury and it will come back to them, but I don't want to be getting involved in anyone's marriage. Grooming a 17 year old however, that's another matter, I know it's not underage but it's a vulnerable age and as some PPs have said leaving her in a perilous mental health situation. I would act for her.

I don't think there's been "irrefutable" evidence mentioned either although OP has been a drip feeder so it wouldn't surprise me.

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caringcarer · 21/03/2021 17:42

My ex husband cheated on me and I had absolutely no idea. Then I went to stay in our caravan with our 3 kids and ex husband was coming the following week and I was going to stay a month in the summer holidays with ex husband staying middle 2 weeks. On 3rd night after me and kids got there a friend rang me very upset and told me her DH had taken her for meal for wedding anniversary and it was ruined as she saw my then husband out with another woman. Romantic restaurant and she saw him lean over and kiss woman. I was very very grateful she told me. She was a good friend. I knew she was worried about telling me. I was so angry. I organized an appointment with solicitor for 1 week later. Arrived back stayed in Travel Inn so he did not know I knew and thought I was still on holiday. My friend sat with children when I saw solicitor. I went home bagged up husband's clothing and stuff. Phoned a locksmith and pretended I had lost my keys with address tag on them and needed new locks. My friend kept my kids while I did this. I text ex and told him to come and collect his stuff. I got my sister and big brother in law to be at my home whilst he came. He came back denying everything. Then begging for another chance. I told him to go away and my bil walked him to his car with his bags. I divorced him about 10 weeks later and we sorted out finances after divorce. Give his wife the dignity she deserves. Let her make an informed decision.

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FTEngineerM · 21/03/2021 17:45

I hadn’t even thought of that @changingnames786 I was looking from my privileged safe environment 😬. I’m converted, thank you.

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 17:47

[quote changingnames786]@FTEngineerM no I wouldn't, random colleagues don't know enough about a couple to intervene like that, for all you know it's an open marriage, what if you're interfering in a relationship with domestic violence without realising and leaving someone vulnerable unbeknownst to you so unable to assist. Cheating isn't a crime, it's unsavoury and it will come back to them, but I don't want to be getting involved in anyone's marriage. Grooming a 17 year old however, that's another matter, I know it's not underage but it's a vulnerable age and as some PPs have said leaving her in a perilous mental health situation. I would act for her.

I don't think there's been "irrefutable" evidence mentioned either although OP has been a drip feeder so it wouldn't surprise me.[/quote]
How have I been a drip feeder? I asked AIBU for thinking I should stay out of it. I have stated when asked about management and parents knowing.
Some have said mind my business like I thought, some have said tell the wife like my colleagues think.

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changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 17:51

@SupermarketSecrets perhaps drip feed is a bit strong but I'd say a parent and management knowing is quite important but only because I'm mostly concerned for the 17 year old, you seem more concerned for the wife so I can see why you didn't mention those without prompt.

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