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AIBU?

Would you want to know your DH was cheating?

133 replies

SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 14:38

So there's a married man at work, early 30s married with a child having an affair with a 17 year old girl. Everyone at work knows, they're very open about it at work and people do gossip about them.

Lots of people have said someone should tell his wife so she's aware.
I feel guilty for knowing, almost like an accomplice but I don't want to get involved.

AIBU to think we should stay out of it? Or would you want to know your husband was cheating?

OP posts:

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namechange123779 · 21/03/2021 21:44

What do HR make of the situation? As a parent I'd really want to know if it was my daughter involved with a married man at so young

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 21:45

@PurrBox

Anyone who has been the wife in this situation would be telling you that she would be deeply grateful to you for telling the truth. I have been the wife, and it would have made such a profound difference to my life if one of the many people who knew what my husband was doing had told me what was going on in my life.

Please tell the wife.

Untrue.

I have had friends who were not grateful to the random stranger who blew their life apart.

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RachelRoth · 21/03/2021 21:47

Id tell HR rather than the wife.

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Kendodd · 21/03/2021 21:50

So they both work in the same place, she's 17, he's in his 30s. I'm guessing he's senior to her at work? Do HR not have anything to say about this?

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HollyCarrot · 21/03/2021 21:52

Surely it was the person they married that blew their life apart?

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Chanjer · 21/03/2021 21:54

Getting cheated on right now - yes

Got cheated on in the past - probably not

I don't have a dh though, I have a dw

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 22:03

@HollyCarrot

Surely it was the person they married that blew their life apart?

Obviously.

But people still underestimate what the damage of a random stranger telling them something will do.

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HollyCarrot · 21/03/2021 22:27

Of course it will. But personally I'd prefer to know than not. Wasting years with a scumbag etc. And again, the damage isn't done by the random stranger, it was done by the cheating husband.

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Yazzyup · 21/03/2021 22:39

Then if her parents know and are complicit - I’d report to the MD and HR as a safe guarding concern, I would also tell his wife with names and details of the girl he is having an affair with and the fact everyone knows and is complicit etc

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Bubbletea50 · 21/03/2021 22:40

I'm obviously the odd one out here. I've known of affairs in the past and didn't tell and wouldn't in this case either.

I let other other families do their thing and expect no interference from the way I run mine.

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 22:40

@Yazzyup

Then if her parents know and are complicit - I’d report to the MD and HR as a safe guarding concern, I would also tell his wife with names and details of the girl he is having an affair with and the fact everyone knows and is complicit etc

Complicit? Safeguarding? She's 17!

By the way, telling the wife everyone knows? Do you want to humiliate her any further?

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BurbageBrook · 21/03/2021 22:43

Yes @RootyT00t I was genuinely grateful to the one woman with the balls to tell me. Turned out half my social circle knew and no one else had the gumption. We're still great friends now, many years later.

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 22:43

@BurbageBrook

Yes *@RootyT00t* I was genuinely grateful to the one woman with the balls to tell me. Turned out half my social circle knew and no one else had the gumption. We're still great friends now, many years later.

Did you know he r?

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BurbageBrook · 21/03/2021 22:47

Yeah @RootyT00t I did know her already, but I would feel the same gratitude to a stranger telling me, ultimately, even if I was shocked at first. I even had a conversation with the OW who claimed she didn't know he had a long-term DP while she was sleeping with him on and off for a year.... I didn't necessarily believe her about that, but I didn't get angry with her. I've always been one of those people who really believes an affair is all the responsibility of the man, and all I cared about was that I knew my DP wasn't the man I thought he was. I truly believe the majority of women would want to know. I certainly would want to know if my now DP was cheating.

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 22:47

@BurbageBrook

Yeah *@RootyT00t* I did know her already, but I would feel the same gratitude to a stranger telling me, ultimately, even if I was shocked at first. I even had a conversation with the OW who claimed she didn't know he had a long-term DP while she was sleeping with him on and off for a year.... I didn't necessarily believe her about that, but I didn't get angry with her. I've always been one of those people who really believes an affair is all the responsibility of the man, and all I cared about was that I knew my DP wasn't the man I thought he was. I truly believe the majority of women would want to know. I certainly would want to know if my now DP was cheating.

I don't disagree.

But someone you know is a different from a stranger arriving to tell you that everyone knows.

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BurbageBrook · 21/03/2021 22:48

I agree it's worse to hear it from a stranger, but it's still better than not to find out at all. He could give her an STD if that's his moral compass... she deserves to know what her husband is doing.

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Iflyaway · 21/03/2021 22:59

I agree. When an STD can radically change your life - clamydia can make a woman infertile - the wife has the right to know.

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:00

Why do we all pretend STDS happen every time?

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HollyCarrot · 21/03/2021 23:12

@RootyT00t

Why do we all pretend STDS happen every time?

Well we'll all just cross our fingers so and it'll probably be grand. Or the poor unwitting woman will be stuck with an STD on top of trying to cope with the fact her husband has been cheating on her. Ffs.

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SupermarketSecrets · 21/03/2021 23:19

@Kendodd

So they both work in the same place, she's 17, he's in his 30s. I'm guessing he's senior to her at work? Do HR not have anything to say about this?

He's not senior to her at work, I doubt HR would know as we don't have a department physically in store and although morally wrong, 17 is of legal age so doubt they would be conerned

OP posts:

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:20

@HollyCarrot

The worry of an std is not a reason to blow up her life.

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BurbageBrook · 21/03/2021 23:31

So in this situation @RootyT00t you'd genuinely rather remain blissfully unaware whilst your husband was merrily fucking a 17 year old? You really wouldn't want to know?

Can't get my head around that mindset really.

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RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:31

@BurbageBrook

So in this situation *@RootyT00t* you'd genuinely rather remain blissfully unaware whilst your husband was merrily fucking a 17 year old? You really wouldn't want to know?

Can't get my head around that mindset really.

No, I didn't say that.

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Skysblue · 21/03/2021 23:35

A friend of mine was the young girl in an identical situation. It was a very unhealthy situation for her and messed her up for many years.

Of course someone should tell his poor wife. You know that already.l but you’re being gaslighted by your colleagues into wondering if this is all ok.

‘Mind your own business’ only applies to situations where no harm is being done. Here this creepy creepy guy is doing harm to both wife and the teenager.

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HollyCarrot · 21/03/2021 23:38

[quote RootyT00t]@HollyCarrot

The worry of an std is not a reason to blow up her life.[/quote]
Not your choice to make for one. And for two, it was her unfaithful husband that blew up her life.

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