DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

[UserB]

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

YABU

It is tho......i hate being an adult. Wish I'd made more of being a kid

I think you are the one who needs to worry less about things, not your 4 year old child.

Give your husband a break, yabu.

Ive said this !

He's right.

It will balance out all those fairy tales about handsome princes.

YABU - he is right, mostly being an adult sucks.

@UserB

There’s no shitty atmosphere thanks *@TinCanCollector* - I spoke to him while the children were in another room, and there’s no problem between us. I love how you all assume things! I don’t take life too seriously or police my husband. We also never have words in front of the children. I had a really crap childhood, I’m super aware of the effect parents behaviour has on children. I don’t tell them life is always ‘sunshine and rainbows’ either, I’m quite the realist, but I just don’t want them to unnecessarily worry about things. DD is actually very sensitive and has already asked me since why being a grown up is rubbish!

Have you considered that your overthinking has created a sensitive child? I suffer from anxiety and a crap childhood and it's fucking hard trying not to pass on my kind of thinking to my kids.

Just be honest and say "being a grownup is great in some ways (eg I can drive a car) but being a grownup isn't great because I have to do all the cleaning"

If your h contributes to your perfect life by going to his stressful job while you are SAHM or whatever then perhaps you need a think about life not being sunshine and rainbows for everyone else.

Yabvu

According to previous posts on here you can't

• say someone is in heaven in case the child asks about death
• say being a grown up is rubbish
• that you don't have children because you don't want them

Apparently a child will be scarred by all of the above.

Good news for you that your h is fine about things.

YABU

It is mostly rubbish.

YABU. It is rubbish. All my ds has to worry about in life right now is whether he can wear his ninja costume to the shops and when he can have his next packet of haribo. I wouldn't mind being 5 again.

“Just be honest and say "being a grownup is great in some ways (eg I can drive a car) but being a grownup isn't great because I have to do all the cleaning"

This is perfect and the sort of thing I would say.

It’s a very pessimistic attitude to pass on to a 4 year old.

@slashlover

According to previous posts on here you can't

• say someone is in heaven in case the child asks about death
• say being a grown up is rubbish
• that you don't have children because you don't want them

Apparently a child will be scarred by all of the above.

I remember that last thread! Totally batshit

Your DH has implied that he might be finding things hard going at the moment.

Instead of asking 'Is everything OK?', you've dismissed him.

Please take care to maintain your 'lovely life'.

Yabu being an adult sucks

Yabu.
Being a grown up is quite often rubbish.
You are overreacting because theres no way a 4yo has the frame of reference to understand that anyway and on top of that is very unlikely to even remember he said it.

I've said this loads to my kids, so far no harm done!

There's something quite odd about you (imo) your child won't thank u for keeping them uninformed about reality! You've got to ask for whose benefit the pretence is for, theirs, or yours!

@slashlover

I’ve got it very wrong then, because I refuse to tell DS definitively that there is an afterlife of any kind. I tell him that some people believe there is, and that I hope so, but I just don’t know.

My DM thinks this is very cruel.

I suspect the OP would also not approve.

It is rubbish and you are over reacting.

But he's right 🤷

My god the drama!

You are being ridiculous

YANBU
I have an anxious child and it is important not to give him more things to stress about. Or more importantly, its important to try to counter the constant negative, high alert filter he has.

Having said that it depends how you DH said it, if it was jokey and light hearted, I think that is ok. My dad used to tell me that my mum hit him on the head with a frying pan when he got back from the pub at night. I believed him but it never bothered me as my Dad was always laughing when he said it.

If you DH does give off a general negative vibe of being grown up then that is not good.