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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

351 replies

UserB · 21/03/2021 13:17

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Lalliella · 23/03/2021 00:16

YABU and massively over-reacting. Of course it’s far better to be a kid. Best that they learn to appreciate it!

eatsleepread · 23/03/2021 01:10

But adult life totally sucks.

Frogella · 23/03/2021 01:38

If he's got a stressful job he'll be much, much more miserable than you realise.

Stressful jobs kill. Listen to what he's trying to tell you.

SD1978 · 23/03/2021 01:41

It is crap. Adulting sucks. Responsibility sucks, and I don't particularly enjoy having to pretend to be one......

Tejutas · 23/03/2021 08:38

Waaaah waaaaah. All the 'being an adult sucks' whining continues.

Maybe if your parents hadn't all told you that being a grown-up is rubbish you'd have a more positive attitude?

userxx · 23/03/2021 08:45

@Tejutas

Waaaah waaaaah. All the 'being an adult sucks' whining continues.

Maybe if your parents hadn't all told you that being a grown-up is rubbish you'd have a more positive attitude?

My parents didn't. I still think it's over rated 🤷‍♂️

Mypathtriedtokillme · 23/03/2021 09:40

Being an adult is total crap at times but being a kid sucks in a whole different way. Very little autonomy and so many feelings that you can’t always control.

So both suck in different ways and are awesome in totally different ways.

Cas112 · 23/03/2021 11:15

You are being unreasonable. It is rubbish haha!

Tejutas · 23/03/2021 12:03

My parents didn't. I still think it's over rated

Maybe they did? The general consensus seems to be that the child forgets it within 2 minutes.

Whatafustercluck · 23/03/2021 12:35

Yabu. I often say something similar when the dc are saying things like "I wish I was grown up". I want them to enjoy their innocent, uncomplicated lives. I'm not all doom and gloom about it, but I do explain that adulthood is complicated and sometimes stressful so don't be in too much of a hurry to grow up!

Ploughingthrough · 23/03/2021 12:40

yabu! I often light-heartedly say as much to my children, as in
Child 'I wish I didn't have to go to school tomorrow'
Me: 'Enjoy all the lovely acitivities your teachers plan for you and playing with your friends, when you're a grown up work is not as much fun and you don't get home till 6pm!'
It is a bit rubbish being a grown up...

Magnificentmug12 · 23/03/2021 12:42

I feel sorry for your husband. He is supposed to be a grown up but got pulled up for a throw away comment!!!

Sounds like ‘loadsa fun’

BigFatLiar · 23/03/2021 12:59

He's not wrong but perhaps a little unfeeling to say so.

She's 4 and assuming its a nice home life she should be having fun.

Soon its school. After the initial primary school its school work, homework and exams (not to be taken lightly) This goes on to uni and or work, a lifetime of responsibilities.

So in reality in a couple of years it'll all be downhill. Make the most of being 4.

trixies · 23/03/2021 13:10

I found being a child rubbish (abusive childhood) and now find being an adult rubbish (mental health issues, being alone and having to fund everything myself, working too many hours, climate change/austerity/COVID etc), do I win? Grin

Seriously though, my parents used to say having children was rubbish. If your DH starts doing that, maybe intervene. Otherwise, leave him be. He's right.

BatshitCrazyWoman · 23/03/2021 13:12

God, I love being an adult! Live in my own house, with my own rules. Love my job. Don't have to do PE .... what's not to like 😂

Twinkie01 · 23/03/2021 13:21

If your child dreads growing up from that one throw away comment then you need to work on the child not DH.

DownyEmerald · 23/03/2021 13:43

I didn't want to grow up. Used to cry myself to sleep.
I actually enjoy it mostly.

DottyFlossie · 23/03/2021 13:46

YABU and over the top.

expatinspain · 23/03/2021 13:50

Adults have said this to kids since the dawn of time. I don't think there've been a massive amount of people adversely affected by this comment, so yes, you overreacted.

Nottheendofthings · 23/03/2021 13:59

@BatshitCrazyWoman

God, I love being an adult! Live in my own house, with my own rules. Love my job. Don't have to do PE .... what's not to like 😂
Quite. I think some people have forgotten what being a child is like. My children regularly have meltdowns about not being able to do what they want or having to do things they don't want. Kids have very little agency over their own lives and they feel that quite keenly.
Kettledodger · 23/03/2021 14:48

It's all about hindsight isn't it? I'm sure as children we all felt aggrieved about things not going our way. When looking back and we weren't allowed to play with so and so or a new spot appeared was our only major issues then you get to adulthood with worries like where to live, how to afford to live not to mention the worries of family eg children and/or elderly parents etc. Which is I would say most peoples outlook.

Having said all that there are some childhoods that were by no means pleasant like mine for example. I had a great childhood up until 10ish. the last few years of my childhood were ruined in many ways some of my own making some not. I had to learn to stand on my own two feet by 16 and have all the adult worries early. But I still look back to my early years (as much as I can remember them 50 years on) with fondness and probably my most happy and innocent

BigFatLiar · 23/03/2021 20:32

There are lots of big positives to being an adult...

You don't have to eat your greens
You can just have a pudding instead of a meal
You can eat all the sweets you want
You don't have to go to bed when mum tells you
You don't have to have a bath if you don't want to
You can watch all the telly or play as much games as you want

Lots more I'm sure

smilingontheinside · 23/03/2021 22:08

I agree with him adulting is hard work and is rubbish. Yes there are good parts but there's more stress and worry and responsibility when you are grown up that you don't have as a child. I had a wonderful childhood and a not too bad grown up life but I think you overreacted

Sally872 · 23/03/2021 22:11

He was having a light hearted chat with his child. She will not be scarred for life.

Coronawireless · 23/03/2021 22:38

Newborn eyes always cry with pain
At the first look at the morning sun
Fool if you think it’s over
It’s just begun.

Love the song but I always thought the girl’s uncle or whoever he was was a bit mean.
This is it, love, having your heart broken is as good as it’s going to get because life is a vale of tears.