DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

[UserB]

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

It is shit though 🤷🏼‍♀️

YABU
I agree with your H that you are acting over the top.

He's quite right, being an adult is rubbish compared to being a 4 year old. I doubt she'll carry his warning with her.

I don’t think your 4 year old will suffer any lasting damage. She’s probably forgotten it already.

It’ll be the shitty atmosphere you’ve created over a flippant comment that she’ll remember.

the blissful freedom of childhood

childhood is not freedom at all

OTT to be annoyed about it

Being a grown up is rubbish. Work, bills, stress, boys work, other grown ups, making meals every day, housework.....

Telling a 4 year old that being a grown up is rubbish, is like telling a pregnant woman that labour is painful - it is probably true for most people but there's no need to actually point it out!!!

No point in encouraging anyone to dread something that's going to happen anyway.

He’s not wrong is he, especially if you have a stressful job.

Some people are misunderstanding.

Life as grown ups can be lovely but not COMPARED TO a four year olds.

YABU and a bit ridiculous. She isn't going to dread growing up because her dad told her being an adult is rubbish. It's not like he said something awful is going to happen to her. He isnt even saying his life is awful or horrible to her.

I think the majority of people would agree being a grown up is rubbish compared to being a well loved and cared for child with no responsibilities.

YABU. I love my life too but kids should rightly enjoy being kids. Also you sound v dramatic.

YABVU and overdramatic.

No child is going to “dread growing up” but you should instill a sense of realism into your children so they don’t grow up and get a massive shock.

You should apologise to him.

YABTU

childhood is not freedom at all

You know exactly what I meant.

@ChameleonClara

the blissful freedom of childhood

childhood is not freedom at all

You don't need to worry about food, money, housing, general worrying....

@ZeroFuchsGiven love your username & my comment needed a sarcastic emoji

I don’t think children need to be told world is full of sunshine & rainbows!

There’s no shitty atmosphere thanks @TinCanCollector - I spoke to him while the children were in another room, and there’s no problem between us. I love how you all assume things! I don’t take life too seriously or police my husband. We also never have words in front of the children. I had a really crap childhood, I’m super aware of the effect parents behaviour has on children. I don’t tell them life is always ‘sunshine and rainbows’ either, I’m quite the realist, but I just don’t want them to unnecessarily worry about things. DD is actually very sensitive and has already asked me since why being a grown up is rubbish!

I actually agree with you. He shouldn't be so negative. It's the kind of thing that she might well internalise. I am happier as an adult than I was as a child.

Being a grown up is rubbish and I dont think there's any danger of your 4 yr old dreading growing up because of this comment.
Have you maybe read more into his comment that he's not happy with his life and you've taken it personally?

[quote gutful]@ZeroFuchsGiven love your username & my comment needed a sarcastic emoji

I don’t think children need to be told world is full of sunshine & rainbows![/quote]
I got your sarcasm, don't worry

Nah you’re being waaaaay over dramatic, and very much projecting- kids don’t really take it to heart in the way you’re suggesting.

I might get flamed for this but I’ve been very very honest with my DS about mortality ever since he first asked me about people and animals dying, when my mums cat died about a 18 months ago, so when I asked him not to eat whole grapes out of the fruit bowl (he’s 4) and we had this exchange, I actually thought it was a good sign:

“Don’t eat grapes whole baby”
“Why mum?”
“Because I need to cut them”
“Why?”
“Because they’re a choking hazard”
“What’s choking?”
“When you swallow something and you can’t breathe”
“Would I die?”
“I’d try very very hard to make sure you didn’t... but yes. There’s a little chance you would if the grape got stuck and I couldn’t get it out.”
Long pause
“Don’t worry mum. We’re all going to die one time”.

And then he casually turned back to watching his cartoon. And he hasn’t stopped trying to eat grapes whole out of the fridge and fruitbowl either

He isn’t traumatised by the knowledge that one day, I, he, everyone will die. He accepts it as part of life and it doesn’t at all diminish his joyfulness or carefreeness in the now.

I mean this nicely- I think you need to chill out a bit. You’re only upsetting yourself. Your DD won’t give a shit.

I love how you all assume things! I don’t take life too seriously or police my husband.

And yet you posted on here about him making your child dread being an adult...

I feel like I must be odd but I find it much better being a grown up!

And I had a happy childhood too!