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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

351 replies

UserB · 21/03/2021 13:17

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Viciouslybashed · 21/03/2021 13:23

Why are you upset by what he said. I often say being grown up is rubbish. It bloody is. Don't think being married means you get to choose his words. Odd.

BiniBonemyBoop · 21/03/2021 13:23

Sorry I agree with him.

ChewedClickyPen · 21/03/2021 13:23

I remember adults saying this when I was a kid (80s). Everyone (it seemed) pushed advice not to rush to grow up, and they'd give anything to be a child again.

I just thought they were silly, because obviously, it must be as cool as it looks.

I grew up and being an adult was rubbish. But it did not do any harm bring told that.

Why are we so keen to hide negativity from kids? It's part of life. Expose them, build their resilience. You can't have all positive and no negative, there has to be balance.

YABU and precious.

sjfjsnfkdhsbd · 21/03/2021 13:24

Yeh, you're being totally over the top.

ooohbriefcase · 21/03/2021 13:24

Well he's not wrong, and your 4 year old will probably forget he said it in a week. Over reacting.

LoveIsAllThereIs · 21/03/2021 13:24

He's right though

Deadringer · 21/03/2021 13:24

Yabu

ilovepixie · 21/03/2021 13:24

It is rubbish being a grown up. My mum used to tell us this and she was right!

rainbowfairydust · 21/03/2021 13:25

It's a flippant comment, I often say it laughing to my kids when they say I'm lucky as I get to drink coke because I'm a grown up etc.
Sometimes you just need to laugh and not take things so seriously

Original poster
UserB · 21/03/2021 13:25

I don’t understand why you’d want your child to dread growing up, and make it seem a negative thing? And no I personally don’t think being a grown up is rubbish, I love my life!!

OP posts:
ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/03/2021 13:25

YABTotallyU.

Being an adult is shite.

malificent7 · 21/03/2021 13:25

Yabu...he is trying to tell her to enjoy her childhood. Adulthood it shite.

MajesticWhine · 21/03/2021 13:26

You can't police his every word. On the scale of damaging things to say to a child this is nowhere so YABU.

gutful · 21/03/2021 13:26

Yes....Children should only be told the world is full of sunshine & rainbows

Tal45 · 21/03/2021 13:26

Life isn't always easy no matter what age you are, but I agree, telling a child that being a grown up is rubbish is the wrong thing to say. Saying it's hard work, saying it's not always easy, saying it can be difficult at times is fine but to just plain say it's horrible is not nice for a child to hear and as a blanket statement something a lot of people would disagree with.

Being a grown up is great IMO as you have so much more control over your life and so many more choices, as a child you are very dependent on your parents. Of course with that comes more responsibility though.

Maybe if your OH really feels this way it's time for him to take a look at his life and see what he can do to make it more enjoyable? Or is it the pandemic that's making him feel this way? x

blackcat86 · 21/03/2021 13:27

My goodness you sound hard work. Careful you don't hurt your hand clutching those pearls. It's a flippant comment especially in context and he's not wrong. Being an adult is pants compared to being 4. A flippant comment will not your child dread growing up.

StopGuacAndRoll · 21/03/2021 13:27

He’s not wrong.

ForensicFlossy · 21/03/2021 13:27

You are totally overreacting.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 21/03/2021 13:27

@gutful

Yes....Children should only be told the world is full of sunshine & rainbows
Unfortunately that is what I was led to believe as a child, I swore never to do the same to my dc.
TheOneWithTheBigNose · 21/03/2021 13:27

@UserB

I don’t understand why you’d want your child to dread growing up, and make it seem a negative thing? And no I personally don’t think being a grown up is rubbish, I love my life!!
Do you really think your 4 year old would take it that much to heart? I’ve said it to mine and they certainly don’t dread growing up. It’s a flippant comment. Do you take everything so seriously?
DifficultPifcultLemonDifficult · 21/03/2021 13:28

When you are a grown up you get to stress over insignificant things your dp says, its great 🤣🤣

Mumofsend · 21/03/2021 13:28

He isn't wrong

sleepyhead · 21/03/2021 13:28

@UserB

I don’t understand why you’d want your child to dread growing up, and make it seem a negative thing? And no I personally don’t think being a grown up is rubbish, I love my life!!
I doubt a single throwaway comment will instil dread in your 4 year old.

Unless there's a huge dripfeed and he's regularly jumping out from behind corners moaning "bewaaaare adulthood"

VerityWibbleWobble · 21/03/2021 13:29

@UserB

I don’t understand why you’d want your child to dread growing up, and make it seem a negative thing? And no I personally don’t think being a grown up is rubbish, I love my life!!
But when you compare it to the blissful freedom of childhood, adulthood is a total pile of pressurised crap.
ChameleonClara · 21/03/2021 13:29

@UserB

I don’t understand why you’d want your child to dread growing up, and make it seem a negative thing? And no I personally don’t think being a grown up is rubbish, I love my life!!
I agree with you OP, I think being a grown up is great.

I am not a very grown up grown up though, maybe this colours my view!

I do think a lot of the moaning adults do makes children fear growing up. I hope mine look forward to being an adult and making their own choices. It is exciting running your own life (well, the bits in between it all going wrong anyway).