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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

351 replies

UserB · 21/03/2021 13:17

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

OP posts:
FirmlyRooted · 21/03/2021 14:17

YABU

changingnames786 · 21/03/2021 14:17

It must be exhausting to be that uptight.

HerRoyalNotness · 21/03/2021 14:20

We just said that yesterday to 4yo’s. It is rubbish compared to childhood.

PinkiOcelot · 21/03/2021 14:20

You are being totally OTT. He’s right, being a grown up is rubbish!

rabbitheadlights · 21/03/2021 14:20

YABU ... Massive overreaction ... It is rubbish.

WindyPudding · 21/03/2021 14:21

Hmm it depends on the child really - but I think if you do say this to a child you should be specific. It's not all rubbish, it's just hard work and responsibility.

I actually tell my DC being a grown up is fab because you can earn your own money and choose your own food at the supermarket, and make your own decisions - but with the proviso that for this you have to work hard and take responsibility for yourself.

I do actually think this too. I'm 50-something and still love the fact that I can choose my own food and have my own house - however this is probably a lot to do with having a horrible childhood.

SpilltheTea · 21/03/2021 14:21

What an overreaction.

Wiredforsound · 21/03/2021 14:21

Well, given that being an adult is mostly:

Doing the bins
Thinking of meals, shopping for them, cooking them and washing up
Doing the hoovering
Laundry
Working full time to pay for boring bills
Hanging around while your kid gets to do ballet or karate or football
Worrying about your bum looking big
Plucking hair out of places you don’t want it to be
Dieting
Doing boring exercises
Worrying about washing machines

Is say your husband is spot on.

TheVampiresWife · 21/03/2021 14:23

@ViciousJackdaw

Your DH has implied that he might be finding things hard going at the moment.

Instead of asking 'Is everything OK?', you've dismissed him.

Please take care to maintain your 'lovely life'.

This.

If my DH has said something like this I wouldn't be taking him aside to correct/berate him, I'd be taking him aside to ask if he was ok.

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 21/03/2021 14:23

YABU, it is rubbish compared to being a child.

Yes - and you're also being decentric in looking at it from the child's perspective of being a child. They can understand the boredom in the boring things you have to do like cleaning, working, getting the boiler repaired etc. etc. BUT many of the things you greatly enjoy as an adult would still be boring to a child - just as bashing at wooden blocks with a soft plastic hammer, pretending to be Thomas the Tank Engine and completing 4-piece jigsaws would be very boring for you as an adult, even though, for a young child, they are the fun things.

I'd understand if he'd said scary, horrendous, a nightmare, nonstop misery etc - but rubbish is a very mild, subjective, throwaway word. If I look at the TV schedules, I see lots of what I consider 'rubbish' whereas others would love it and consider my viewing preferences as rubbish. I think it would be rubbish to live in London, yet millions of Londoners would think it rubbish living in my small town. It's nothing to dwell on.

Original poster
UserB · 21/03/2021 14:25

We’ve dealt with death in recent years of close family members, no problems there except the obvious sadness, DD is not my only child (we have a few!) my eldest is almost an adult and not sensitive or damaged in any way from my being careful about saying certain things around them! DH is generally my best friend and I know exactly what is going on in his life - he isn’t terribly stressed or unhappy (aside from his demanding job) people are definitely reading too much into that! He just sometimes speaks without thinking.. whereas I think a lot. I also have no issues with anxiety though just to clear that up, am usually super calm and quite laid back! DD has always been a real thinker, the other children not so much..
My parents said really damaging things, I guess it makes me think differently.
I don’t know why I reacted so strongly at the time, I don’t ever post on here usually. I just found it a really negative thing to say, when we’re really into teaching resilience usually. Obviously I’m in a minority with my thinking. That’s fine, we’re all different! I try to teach the children to have a positive mindset, look forward to things, while highlight how fortunate they are!

OP posts:
ufucoffee · 21/03/2021 14:25

Do you think he thinks that because he's married to someone who massively over reacts to things he says to his child? YABVU

TheGumption · 21/03/2021 14:25

Overreaction central here this weekend.

Wanderlust20 · 21/03/2021 14:27

YABU. Think it was just an off the cuff remark, a joke highlighting how fun and carefree childhood can be Smile

WaxOnFeckOff · 21/03/2021 14:28

So what do you do for a living OP?

Toptotoeunicolour · 21/03/2021 14:29

For me, being a grown up has always been much better than being a child. Every decade so far a lot better than the one before.

canigooutyet · 21/03/2021 14:29

It is rubbish being an adult.
Jump in puddles, go on the swings, run silly etc as a child no one batters an eye lid.
Do any of that as an adult and so many looks and comments.
Food magically appears cooked in front of you
Don’t have to worry about the bills
Your clothes magically appear washed and ready to wear back in your room
Your ill you can rest and relax properly

I had a truly shit childhood, should post on the stately homes thread one day, but still think it’s shit as an adult

Oblomov21 · 21/03/2021 14:29

YABU
He speaks the truth. Do you not like your children knowing the truth? Hmm

Nomoreporridge · 21/03/2021 14:32

YABU...and need some perspective!

Being a kid in a stable, loving family is great.

Being an adult can be great too, but think we can all do without the pressures and disappointments of adulthood from time to time.

Longdistance · 21/03/2021 14:34

YABU. Being grown up is steaming pile of shit. I wish I was a kid again. Carefree and nothing to worry about apart from what I’m gonna snack on next.

PerveenMistry · 21/03/2021 14:34

@B33Fr33

He is obviously feeling quite stressed. YABU to tell him his feelings are invalid, even if it was a throwaway comment he's obviously struggling.

This. You might try some empathy instead of criticizing him.

Dozer · 21/03/2021 14:34

YABU!

LaceyBetty · 21/03/2021 14:34

I'm interested in the fact that the OP keeps referring to his very demanding and stressful job, but also says that he isn't stressed. Is your job stressful and demanding? Mine is and it eats away at my happiness as an adult every day. He may be struggling but hiding it because he knows you love your comfortable life.

Nomoreporridge · 21/03/2021 14:34

@TheGumption

Overreaction central here this weekend.
Grin couldn’t agree more!
WannabeOT · 21/03/2021 14:34

It is rubbish though. All the things you dream about doing as a grown up when you're young are rubbish. Can't eat what you want cos you get fat, you have money but constant expenses, can stay up late but don't want to cos you're tired. It's shit.