Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

351 replies

UserB · 21/03/2021 13:17

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Justcurious93 · 21/03/2021 17:55

@jessstan2

My mother used to say, "School days are the happiest days of your life".

As if.

See this loads on my Facebook and I think wow your 20s so far must have been terrible then GrinConfused
thosetalesofunexpected · 21/03/2021 18:28

Your husband is right life as a grown up can be rubbish
Shit at Times !

Your daughter is not going to emotionally traumatised by this throw away remark for life or need to have Counselling Therapy !.

As long as your husband is not allways giving out negative Vibes out all the time in the past and in the present Constantly !

that your daughter senses this !

I think this has triggered off a feelings of is he not as quite happy Contented as I thought he really was !?

Maybe even feelings of guilt that he is doing a very demanding stressful job to bring home the bacon (another words pay the bills etc)

Which is putting overwhelming pressure on him!

So you belittle and mimise (trivilaze your husbands feelings for this reason then !
I get now why you feel worked up pissed off with his comment op !

Babymamaroon · 21/03/2021 18:40

I take it you don't have a very stressful job then?

IME he's not wrong sadly!

Moomin12345 · 21/03/2021 18:42

It can be rubbish, if one had a happy childhood.

Blueeyedgirl21 · 21/03/2021 19:47

Does he have a very stressful job that pays well so you don’t have to work ?? I sympathize with him if so!!

MorganKitten · 21/03/2021 19:52

YABU, he’s not lying

May17th · 21/03/2021 19:52

Wow OP is getting a grilling here.

It sounds like a one off to be fair OP. You don’t really say things like that to kids though... he must of been having a down day.

FrothyB · 21/03/2021 20:07

You can have a happy life and still say that being an adult is shit. Being a child (assuming its a good environment and no health issues) is bloody brilliant.

It's not like he told her about all the thankless repetitive tasks, having to find jobs where you most likely will dislike or be disliked by people around you, the strains of being in a relationship. All this whilst your body slowly begins to fall apart and the whole world of possibility that existed as a child is condensed into smaller and smaller pathways untill you find yourself confined in a life totally different to what you pictured, knowing that each year brings you closer to the inevitability of death.

Now THAT would probably terrify a child if he said that to them. Saying "Being an adult is rubbish" is nothing.

Changemaname1 · 21/03/2021 20:13

I mean he isn’t wrong Smile

3CCC · 21/03/2021 20:23

Yabu

My df told me the same thing at a similar age as did all my friends dfs to them.

Be young for as long as possible I say

Mostlylurkingiam · 21/03/2021 20:37

Oh grow up, seriously you got upset over a little joke? Lighten up!

Wherediditgo · 21/03/2021 20:39

You’re massively overreacting.
I told my 3yo not to ever grow up as it’s a trap. It’s tongue in cheek. I think you need to lighten up.

user1496146479 · 21/03/2021 20:48

@Worried234

OP: AIBU?

Everyone: Yes.

OP: No I'm not, piss off everyone.

Hmm

This with bells on!! Not sure why OP even bothered posting!
BilboBercow · 21/03/2021 20:56

Being an adult really is pish though

Giraffey1 · 21/03/2021 20:56

You asked if you were being unreasonable. Answer is yes, at least from my perspective......

LaceyBetty · 21/03/2021 21:22

Does he have a very stressful job that pays well so you don’t have to work ?? I sympathize with him if so!!

@Blueeyedgirl21 this is exactly what I am thinking!

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 21:33

Oh come on.

It's just a comment.

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 21/03/2021 21:44

I have a 4 and a 5 year old. They would think a comment like that was hilarious.

OscarWildesCat · 22/03/2021 08:04

YABU, he’s right!. She won’t remember a passing comment like that.

Coronawireless · 22/03/2021 09:13

@FrothyB

You can have a happy life and still say that being an adult is shit. Being a child (assuming its a good environment and no health issues) is bloody brilliant.

It's not like he told her about all the thankless repetitive tasks, having to find jobs where you most likely will dislike or be disliked by people around you, the strains of being in a relationship. All this whilst your body slowly begins to fall apart and the whole world of possibility that existed as a child is condensed into smaller and smaller pathways untill you find yourself confined in a life totally different to what you pictured, knowing that each year brings you closer to the inevitability of death.

Now THAT would probably terrify a child if he said that to them. Saying "Being an adult is rubbish" is nothing.

This all might be true. BUT I’m with you OP! Why make a child dread what’s ahead? Take away their enjoyment of life just because you’re not enjoying it. Even make them feel guilty because their parent isn’t happy. I used to dread being an adult but it would have been helpful if people had pointed out the good parts. So many grown-up children about, all trying to put off being adults.
LilMidge01 · 22/03/2021 10:02

You've said you don't normally post on here, yet THIS is what you are upset about enough to post? YABU and overreacting. Your DD may be 'sensitive' but she's 4 and asking a follow up question doesnt mean she's overly worried or damaged in any way. She's 4. I think she may be worried if you get worried and worked up over your answer.....as a PP said, most 4 year olds would find it hilarious and your response would be 'yes...being an adult is rubbish, being 4 is awesome!!' adn they go 'yeah! Being 4 is awesome!!' and continue running around/being superheroes. But it sounds like that was not your response despite how 'careful' you think you are about not creating atmosphere's and your DD is more likely to pick up on that.

Chunkyetfunky90 · 22/03/2021 10:07

I mean he’s not wrong 😉

Snookie00 · 22/03/2021 10:07

Wow. Is this the kind of trivial parenting shit that some people find to argue about.

You sound like really hard work OP.

hardboiledeggs · 22/03/2021 12:02

I’ve said this to my DS. I’d said being a grown up is rubbish, it’s much more fun being little so enjoy playing as much as you can.

ChristmasFluff · 22/03/2021 12:25

I agree it wasa throw-away comment, but I also think you werre right to talk about it to him.

My parents were constantly saying that 'schooldays are the best days of your life.' Well I hated my schooldays, and the thought that this was as good as it gets....

So it's better to be realistic - I always said to my son that being an adult is sometimes harder, but that I've always preferred it to being a child, because adults have more control over their own lives and have coping skills that children don't have.