DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

[UserB]

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

yep, agree, being a grown up is rubbish.

It is rubbish! What's to enjoy?! Bills, stress, commitments, responsibility?

YAB ridiculous. Your daughter isn’t going to internalise this comment and have it shape her entire life, are you always so dramatic?

YANBU This sounds like something I would say without thinking and my husband would get really mad at. I agree with you, it's not great to say such negative things, especially around sensitive souls. After all, so much of life is your mindset - If you think something will be rubbish, it often turns out so.

I remember saying something similar to my DD. She seems pretty well adjusted now, despite this.

Crazy over reaction. I often say the same to my 4yo when she plays "grownups" - because it's true!

Also to add, apart from the last year of Covid, I would say I have enjoyed my adult life far more than I enjoyed being a child. I get I must be very lucky... or maybe I just had a crap childhood

[quote UserB]@ballsdeep

I have already explained, I didn’t say anything in front of the children, so they won’t remember anything.
I have also tried to explain, I don’t avoid talking about death, or the hardships of life, or how fortunate we are personally, or that life can be very hard etc etc. I just reacted to it because I thought it was ridiculous to be so negative. I want them to be excited about life, not thinking being grown up is rubbish, particularly when we personally have to much to be thankful for.[/quote]
But he didn’t say it was awful, he said it was rubbish. It’s much milder. And in response to your daughter you could easily have said “ because adults need to work to get money and sometimes we love our jobs and sometimes they are hard and we don’t but then we work through the hard times and are so happy when we finish something”. Give your man a break!

I agree with your DH and have said the same to my children. They haven’t been traumatised by it!

YANBU, and this thread is so depressing! I never realised most people preferred childhood to adulthood.

Well he isn't wrong, parts of being grown up is rubbish so its not like he lied to her.

I think you have over reacted.

Being a grown up is massively overrated.

This being a grown up lark is rubbish. I'm single parenting due to Covid bereavement. My DM is brain damaged thanks to Covid. Life is currently shit. I don't want to 'adult' anymore but my DC deserve better so I will carry on.

But it is rubbish.....having to decide dinner every night, buying loo roll etc etc is all bloody rubbish 😂

Do you have a stressful job user?

I think you’ve been seduced by an idea that children must hear nothing that is remotely uncomfortable. That in its self is pretty toxic, she’ll survive and maybe you should help your husband talk about his feelings.

He’s not wrong, you’re put out because you’ve taken it personally, i.e that he meant life with you us rubbish! He’s probably feeling the pressure of working and parenting and lockdown and it’s a generally true throwaway comment. Compared to being a child with no responsibilities, being an adult sometimes is a bit rubbish!

yabu

You’ve over reacted.

If you disagree just counter with “well I think being a grown up is brill! “ and talk to her about her hopes and dreams.

He’s right though IMO

If your child is very literal, that kind of statement could be damaging. My autistic DD took a lot of statements like that from adults very seriously and it probably contributed in some way to her concluding age 11 that life is not worth living. She is, at times, suicidal.

If not, laugh it off together and move on.

FWIW, I don’t think being a grown up is ‘rubbish’. In fact it’s quite preferable to childhood IMO. It’s sad that so many people are so negative about life. Yes there are challenges. Often absolutely enormous ones. But even with that, life doesn’t have to be rubbish. It is what you make it.

@DressyNessy

YANBU, and this thread is so depressing! I never realised most people preferred childhood to adulthood.

You're not wrong. Ironically it sounds like a load of bleating children with all the 'He's not wrong! Being grown up is rubbish!'.

A ridiculous pile-on towards the OP, no wonder she's not been back since yesterday afternoon.

Being a grown up is pretty rubbish.

Getting to choose my own TV to watch is basically the highlight.

I probably wouldn't say that to my kids though.

He's honest. It is. And she won't dwell on it for more than 3 minutes. Why are you doing so?

He's right - it IS rubbish! Life is much easier when you're 4. YABU - brush it off, I wouldn't have given it a second thought and would've probably just agreed with him! Might be good to have a chat with him though, ask him how he is - he might be having a hard time and need your support.