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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just told 4 year old ‘being a grown up was rubbish’

351 replies

UserB · 21/03/2021 13:17

AIBU to really object to this? DD was playing around saying she wished she was grown up and DH said ‘You don’t want to be a grown up, being a grown up is rubbish’!!! I’m so annoyed with him, what a stupid thing to say! He says he meant enjoy being a child, obviously I agree with that, but why say something so negative? I don’t really know where it came from either, he has a very stressful job, but we have a lovely life and are in general very happy. He thinks I am totally over the top to be annoyed that he said it and tell him it was a silly thing to say. So AIBU?

OP posts:
Allywill · 21/03/2021 16:42

I remember my teenage daughter complaining about the amount of money she cam out with from her part time bar job and saying how I made a fortune at mine. I pointed out once I paid for the mortgage gas electric food etc, I actually had much less to spend on myself than her despite working full time. Was a bit of an eye opener for her. It’s certainly not all it’s cracked up to be this adulting.

HowManyToes · 21/03/2021 16:42

Sorry you had a shite childhood but you need to stop projecting your issues onto your husband and child. It was only a joke and you’re massively overreacting.

You need to chill the fuck out.

rwalker · 21/03/2021 16:45

Can you thing of any overbearing controlling reason why he would think adult life is rubbish

sst1234 · 21/03/2021 16:46

It’s threads like this that make you wonder how do some people get through the day. The husband must be henpecked to within an inch of his life if a harmless comment like this gets such a strong reaction from OP.

MrsKoala · 21/03/2021 16:46

@TheWaif

Wow, there are a lot of people here who had wonderful childhoods and shitty lives now. How odd!
Being a child was shit for me too. Both were shit in a different way. But as I said, still better than the alternative.

My children have a much better childhood and I often think I should make it shitter so becoming an adult won’t come as such crushing disappointment. Grin

Makeuplover · 21/03/2021 16:50

YABVVU

Runnerduck34 · 21/03/2021 16:52

You are overthinking, unless you make a huge thing of it your DD will forget the comment in 5 mins.
There are lots of good things being an adult but loads of responsibility and stress too,- it can be a bit rubbish , I've just sat down after spending hours cleaning and now Im.about to cook a roast- teenagers are lying in bed playing games watching Netflix totally chilled and Im worn out!

Kettledodger · 21/03/2021 16:53

Yep major overreaction and you were even more unreasonable to hath "words" with him about it.

I see this thread has gone the way of many that seem a little controlling...OP asks AIBU...almost all say yes YABU... OP but but but I am right Hmm

Iggly · 21/03/2021 16:56

Is your DH quite a misery normally?

I also wouldn’t discount just how much a stressful job really is shit.

nocoolnamesleft · 21/03/2021 17:00

Having seen fucking idiots telling depressed bullied hopeless teens that schooldays are the best days of their lives, thus robbing them of any hope for the future? YANBU. Being an adult isn't fantastic, but at least you get to have some agency.

Fatladyslim · 21/03/2021 17:07

Op, it's not that deep.

Dustyhedge · 21/03/2021 17:08

I think you’re overthinking. I have these conversations with my 4yo loads. I remind her that she can do much more than her little sister but 4 is a lovely age where they can do stuff but have no real pressure or responsibility. She thinks it would be much more fun to be a grown-up so I’ve told her about some of the more rubbish aspects. Thst child has been trying to be a grown up since she could first talk so I have zero worries that I’m going to put her off getting older.

VerityWibbleWobble · 21/03/2021 17:10

Wow, there are a lot of people here who had wonderful childhoods and shitty lives now. How odd

Saying being an adult can be a bit shit is not the same as living a shitty life.

I detest housework so I pay a cleaner but if I couldn't afford to pay someone to clean my house, then that would be a bit shit. Necessary but shit.

Adulthood is about being responsible, expectations are high, get a career, buy a house, raise a family, blah blah blah. The reality is that sometimes it's mind numbingly boring and boring can become a bit shitty.

Fatladyslim · 21/03/2021 17:10

Also, I find it amusing you say he had no worries just a stressful job and write it off like it's nothing. I used to have a really stressful job, it consumed every thought in my head. I was constantly worried I have made correct choices and then there was the burden of being the main breadwinner and making sure all the bills were covered. No one else in my life would have said I was depressed as I covered it very well.

BrownEyedGirl80 · 21/03/2021 17:15

Being a grown up is wank.

Wondermule · 21/03/2021 17:17

I bloody love being an adult, just to go against the grain. I hated my home life and i actually still have occasional nightmares that I’m back at home. My house is peaceful, I don’t have to live on eggshells, and I feel over time I’ve mastered the art of not giving a fuck and pleasing myself.

garlictwist · 21/03/2021 17:22

Well he's wrong, being a child is rubbish! I love being a grown up. I still haven't got over the novelty of being able to eat what I like, go to bed when I like, choose what I watch and read and do at the weekend.

My abiding memory of childhood is desperately wanting to do things but not being allowed.

thosetalesofunexpected · 21/03/2021 17:23

Your husband is obviously feeling stressed or and depressed !

You need to find out which it is ?
and why ?
Is it work related stress or combo mix of Lockdowns feeling the strain and or depression ?

partyatthepalace · 21/03/2021 17:25

You are overreacting

LindaEllen · 21/03/2021 17:25

It's important to tell your kids the truth.. and the man's not lying!

thosetalesofunexpected · 21/03/2021 17:29

@HowManyToes

I totally agree with your straight honest down to earth comment !

"Its is a extreme over reaction etc "

PerveenMistry · 21/03/2021 17:33

@Fatladyslim

Also, I find it amusing you say he had no worries just a stressful job and write it off like it's nothing. I used to have a really stressful job, it consumed every thought in my head. I was constantly worried I have made correct choices and then there was the burden of being the main breadwinner and making sure all the bills were covered. No one else in my life would have said I was depressed as I covered it very well.

Exactly. "Just a stressful job," sounds astoundingly out of touch with reality and with her husband's feelings.

Nohomemadecandles · 21/03/2021 17:35

You're over reacting.

thosetalesofunexpected · 21/03/2021 17:44

@Fatladyslim

I totally agree
In our society its thought of culturally still , for men to show any feelings of stress (feeling overwhelmed or depression its thought of as a weakness to be vulnerable in any way !

So men especially hide these uncomfortabe socially unacceptable feelings under a persona a mask of keeping up appearances as a strong man needs to be !

Op
Please take your husband feelings more seriously !

As Suicide is one of the biggest killers of men in this country and in the world !

thosetalesofunexpected · 21/03/2021 17:48

@UserB

Helloo?

You really need to be a lot more emotionally intelligent than you currently Are !

Marriage is a two way partnership kind of thing !

Not Just your husband has to Consirder your feelings all the time Only .!
And deny deprive his own feelings !