to think my DD is confused about being bisexual?

[OscarWildesCat]

We were all sat having dinner last night and my DS (14) was talking about something to do with LGBTQ, my DD said she thought she might be bisexual. DD is just turned 11 and young for her age, no signs of puberty or anything yet. I feel like she’s a bit young to know this yet?. They’ve been learning about different LGBTQ groups at school and she does have a couple of very close girlfriends so I’m wondering if she’s just a bit mixed up with her feeling for her friends.
I sort of shrugged it off at dinner but went to speak to her later, obviously told her we don’t care who she wants to be with, we love her and reassured her she can talk to me or my DH any time. I couldn’t care less if either of my DC are gay, straight or whatever as long as they’re happy. Any advice on how I can support her?

I think it’s quite fashionable to be gay right now. My 9 year old DD thinks she likes girls but I’ve seen some videos they have watched on YouTube and they can be quite gaycentric. I just tell her ‘that’s nice’ and move the topic along.

11 probably isn’t too young to know though, I definitely knew I liked boys at 11.

Both you and Jenson's are wrong on this one. It is absolutely not.

Hmm, thinking about it a bit more, Rooty, you are half right, and I was half wrong.

It depends on the social setting. My teenage DS is - like many teenagers - in a number of quite disparate social circles. The ones that are, like him, mostly working class, Black or brown, it's not "social suicide" to be straight. Straight, gay, bisexual are all pretty accepted, and nobody cares, or is indeed all that interested, because they are all too busy playing video games together. He's also on the fringes of a social circle of teenagers that are mostly fairly wealthy, privately educated, white, and they are all bloody obsessed with both sexuality and with gender identity (which are entirely separate things, but are usually conflated by this group), see these things as the most important things about themselves, and in that social circle it is social suicide to ID as straight. It's also social suicide to ID as a lesbian, too, BTW.

@ArcheryAnnie

Both you and Jenson's are wrong on this one. It is absolutely not.

Hmm, thinking about it a bit more, Rooty, you are half right, and I was half wrong.

It depends on the social setting. My teenage DS is - like many teenagers - in a number of quite disparate social circles. The ones that are, like him, mostly working class, Black or brown, it's not "social suicide" to be straight. Straight, gay, bisexual are all pretty accepted, and nobody cares, or is indeed all that interested, because they are all too busy playing video games together. He's also on the fringes of a social circle of teenagers that are mostly fairly wealthy, privately educated, white, and they are all bloody obsessed with both sexuality and with gender identity (which are entirely separate things, but are usually conflated by this group), see these things as the most important things about themselves, and in that social circle it is social suicide to ID as straight. It's also social suicide to ID as a lesbian, too, BTW.

I think it's just more socially acceptable to be whatever the hell you like.

Thank the lord.

I was deeply ashamed of my feelings for women at 10/11. Don't mention it being a phase.

I cant stand when people say its fashionable to be lgbt. this is exactly what my parents said to me 25 yrs ago. it bloody isn't, we get rape threats to turn us straight, laughed at, mocked that our relationships aren't real etc etc

Yes, it certainly isn't fashionable.

Rooty, no, it frequently isn't at all acceptable to be a lesbian, especially in "queer" spaces, as well as in homophobic places.

...in other* homophobic places.

@ArcheryAnnie

Rooty, no, it frequently isn't at all acceptable to be a lesbian, especially in "queer" spaces, as well as in homophobic places.

Maybe I'm uneducated on that one.

@Overthinking1

I cant stand when people say its fashionable to be lgbt. this is exactly what my parents said to me 25 yrs ago. it bloody isn't, we get rape threats to turn us straight, laughed at, mocked that our relationships aren't real etc etc

Yes! Please can we stop saying this? It is such a pile of massive, massive homophobic shite.

When I came out my parents said it was fashionable to be gay and it was just a phase.

I have a senior colleague whose parents said the same to him (and he's into his 60s now).

It's not fucking 'fashionable'.

We still get spat at in the street, threats of violence, letters through the door, comments that we're harming our children. And that's if we quite lucky. There are plenty of gay people who cannot ever come out to their parents and families, living right here in the UK. There are people who are beaten up for coming out.

Every single girl has an identity other than straight in my tween dd's class.
There is plainly still significant prejudice around the LGBT community in wider society.
However in some situations it is the more fashionable and socially acceptable choice.

But her twin brother's class would suggest that it isn't the social norm for boys in the same way.
Although being openly part of the LGBT community is more accepted than when I was at school.

@Ineedaneasteregg

Every single girl has an identity other than straight in my tween dd's class. There is plainly still significant prejudice around the LGBT community in wider society. However in some situations it is the more fashionable and socially acceptable choice.

How do you know this?

Because there is much conversation about it!

@Ineedaneasteregg

Because there is much conversation about it!

I do not believe for a single second that every single pupil is 'not straight'. I just don't.

It is possible she’s confused, yes. I felt huge pressure at school to be ‘interesting’ and ‘questioning my sexuality’ and not boringly straight - and that was in a much calmer environment re lbg issues than now. I also know two people who as teens felt pressured into gay relationships that they later regretted. One said he hates that he has those memories, the other is embarrassed about her ‘gay phase’.

With everyone being so ‘educated’ about lbg issues and so ‘supportive’ it’s possible to miss it when children feel pressured and confused by a society obsessed with sex.

More importantly it is standard for girls in their early teens to have intense passionate (but non sexual) feelings for one girl, almost like a practice relationship. To assume those feelings are sexual is very ignorant.

It’s your job as her mum to help her sort through her feelings and that is more than just saying you support her if she is bi. It’s also reminding her she is very young and that feelings grow and change and most importantly she doesn’t have to put a label on herself now.

@Skysblue thank you, that’s kind of how I feel about it just now, she is very young and still very childlike so I feel by telling her I support her whatever, I’ve done all I can, we have a good relationship and she knows she can talk to me.

@RootyT00t what I said was that every girl in my dd's class identified as something other than straight.
This is currently just a fact, it is unchanged by your lack of belief.
I am not saying this group of girls will always identify the way they do now, in fact the stats would suggest that they won't.
But currently this is how it is.

As I said this isn't the same for the boys in my ds's class.

@Ineedaneasteregg

Every single girl has an identity other than straight in my tween dd's class. There is plainly still significant prejudice around the LGBT community in wider society. However in some situations it is the more fashionable and socially acceptable choice.

That does not follow.

[quote Ineedaneasteregg]@RootyT00t what I said was that every girl in my dd's class identified as something other than straight.
This is currently just a fact, it is unchanged by your lack of belief.
I am not saying this group of girls will always identify the way they do now, in fact the stats would suggest that they won't.
But currently this is how it is.

As I said this isn't the same for the boys in my ds's class.[/quote]
Absolute nonsense.

I work in a school and just do not believe that what, 17 girls are all not straight'.

There is quite good evidence to suggest that teenagers' sexuality is genuinely more fluid than that of adults - a lot of them experience attractions that won't last into adulthood. Likewise, it is very common for teenagers to explore gender boundaries, and the best evidence we have indicates that teenagers have done this far back into the past.

So they are probably just being honest.

You'll get loads of teens who will be lesbians, who're attracted to boys. And loads of teens who will be straight, who're attracted to girls.

The problem is when we categorise one thing as 'a real, if age-appropriate and juvenile, attraction' and the other as 'just a phase, not real, I don't care about it and you'll grow out of it'.

It's certainly a different world to the one I grew up in. I didn't know I was bisexual until my mid 20s!

You've done the right thing. It's not a big deal so no need to make a big deal of it. She might be. She might not. It might be too early to know or it might not. Either way, it's not a bad thing to be!

Teenagers do feel pressured into this trend, describing themselves as anything but heterosexual is important to them. There is however a difference between describing oneself as a category than taking it further. I think that the pressure on teenagers is enormous and often the actions taken now can influence their whole life. From what I have seen the pressure to be different doesn't end with sexuality with some it moves to changing their sex/gender . That is what I have witnessed and that concerns me. As for schools I think they have a obligation to challenge trends - teenagers are making life choices without thinking of the consequences, in many cases manipulated by social media in my view it is a safeguarding issue. Fortunately some schools do challenge but too few

Firstly there aren't 17 of them. Secondly I'm not sure why you are finding it so hard to believe?

The dc go to a liberal, LGBT friendly school.
I suspect part of it is that at least some of them are in the boys are gross stage, some will more focused on their strong same sex friendships, some will be aware of sexual orientation and some will just want to blend in.

My dc don't go to school in the UK if you feel that makes a difference? Many of their models in film, music and social media identify as part the LGBTQ + community.

I will ask dd what she thinks the percentages are for the other classes in her year.
I honestly can't see why it matters, particularly given how young they are. It is a societal change from when I grew up but I don't see it as an issue either way.
Dc at that age like conformity, it is just more of the same really in that aspect.

I have found it interesting to observe.