To think fuck you to those living in big houses who are following the rules?

[Hammyhamster92]

I have noticed swathe of happily married friends, in jobs they could do from home, in big houses with big gardens bitching about people not following the covid rules.

There seems to be no sympathy from these people that a large number of people not following the rules are, ( from personal experiences I know of)

1. Sharing a one bedroom flat with their two children, and no garden.

2. Living in a shared HMO where the landlord has turned the living room into another bedroom and there isno garden and no communal area.

3. Living with violent, abusive, toxic people.

4. Are bereaved.

5. Are unable to share or bubble with their partner, but don't feel they should have no contact for months.

I had a massive row with a friend today, ( call her lucy). Lucy asked what I was doing for the weekend, and I said I was going to visit ( "charlotte") as Charlotte has had a very horrible bereavment recently, ( cousin she was very close to died unexpectedly in a road accident) and was really struggling and has asked for a visit.

Consequently , I've been called all the names under the sun, I'm selfish/ horrible etc, and more so because I have to travel by train, ( I can't drive for medical reasons). Utterly sick of this shit, and it seems that some people who are living in a middle class bubble of perfection can't imagine the difficulties lockdown has caused others.

Bold fail!

@Hammyhamster92

Is whilst I accept most financially stable people are not like Lucy, she , ( and others I know in similar financial positions), are continually criticising people less fortunate for breaking rules which are easier for them to keep

Even a bloody year later, we still have the justifies of why they can break the rules.

It's nothing to do with big houses. It's to do with morals!

1. Sharing a one bedroom flat with their two children, and no garden.
   They were presumably living like this pre covid! They haven't been under house arrest. Nurseries have remained open. Exercise has been permitted and not restricted. As have grocery visits etc. So yes it's hard, but this scenario was always going to be hard and no justification for risking others.

2. Living in a shared HMO where the landlord has turned the living room into another bedroom and there isno garden and no communal area.
   See 1.

3. Living with violent, abusive, toxic people.
   Already exceptions are made.

4. Are bereaved.
   As awful as this is, Risking the lives of others won't change the death of their loved one.

5. Are unable to share or bubble with their partner, but don't feel they should have no contact for months.
   Oh dear. They had opportunity to move in between the lockdowns. They made a choice not to and now need to be grownups. No justification atall.

likewise there's no justification for you.

Transmission outdoors between masked people must be very low.
I only know one person who caught Covid and he never goes out apart from supermarket, and that is where he thinks he caught it.

there's a load of privileged people on this thread saying having a big house doesn't help anything, it's all the same for everyone, etc

Erm.....just because people don't necessarily agree with rule flouting, doesn't mean they automatically have big houses, big gardens, secure jobs, or are otherwise 'privileged'. The majority of people I know are able to see the bigger picture, regardless of what their circumstances might be.

Ive had enough too OP. Tiny terraced house no garden. We regularly go to the park with various friends. To my mind my son will play with any childat the park and this is no different. Its must be lovely to have indoor space and outdoor space.

@DioneTheDiabolist

YANBU OP, some people have lost their sense of empathy and humanity during this pandemic.

FFS!

The virus doesn't care about the reason behind prohibited interactions. Comforting someone because they are needy or lonely or bereaved doesn't exempt you from being responsible.

Those of you rule-breaking have decided it's ok for you to risk others' lives to assuage your own temporary boredom or loneliness. So selfish, especially when most people have internet and phone access.

@Gwenhwyfar

"I work from home in my big house with garden and a happy family and I follow the rules because it easier for me than for others."

So you're actually agreeing with OP. It IS easier for some people than others. That's her point.

Yes it is easier and I do agree with her point, however, because Lucy has behaved a certain way and "swathes" of others too, I and those like me are getting a fuck you in your big house and garden. That's what I take exception to - the generalisation.

@HotCrossBumsticks

But if the bereaved friend commits suicide is that okay as it’s not a Covid death?

Oh come on, that's ridiculuos. OP MUST visit her friend against all rules or else friend will kill herself? That's as insulting as it is stupid.

People in flats and small houses are following the rules too you know. Covid doesn't leave you alone if you think you have a good reason to go out and about.

Exactly.

People who drum up dramatic hyperbole to justify their selfishness are clearly on the losing side of the argument.

People like Lucy don't have the imagination to see beyond their own gilded cage. This doesn't just apply to big houses or covid but everything. Whether it's white priveledge, pretty priveledge, wealth priveledge etc, or just happy life/toxic positivity yolo priveledge,
we often just can't relate to others. It's a special person who has the empathy to see beyond their own circumstances.

The government/life/society doesn't make rules and laws to factor in the under priveledged or special circumstances or vulnerable people. Only you can make life fair and you only have one life. If you followed all the rules and went bananas or your cousin ended up
wrecked by trauma and isolation, nobody is going to apologise or say 'maybe we should have factored this in'. You'll be left to pick yourself up. Think about yourself and balance this with your obligation to society.

Just now walking past a load of people doing gym activities and definitely not social distancing or wearing masks.
Probably 20 odd people

@londonscalling

I do sympathise and realise life is difficult. However, it's against all the rules of lockdown to go and visit a friend. We are told to stay home to save the lives of those around us.

Actually it's not.

For mental health and care reasons you can.

As there is no actual definition in the law with regards what MH support means it's not illegal.

It does define vulnerable disabled people and the care they can receive though and the bar is too high imo.

So what is your point OP? That only those in big enough houses should be expected to follow the rules?

I'm fucking bereaved and I've stuck to the rules you fool

@LucieStar

*Don't you think being able to get outside to your garden might help with mental health? As opposed to others who are only allowed outside as long as they can keep moving? Don't you think having enough space can help when we're stuck inside all the time? Don't you think there's a link between poverty and poor mental health?*

As someone with a garden who's needed MH support throughout this pandemic, it might help, yes. But there are some MH conditions and some situations where the biggest garden in the world isn't enough to keep someone from almost toppling over the edge.

As someone who's worked in MH services for a lot of years supporting vulnerable people (whilst living my large home so clearly lacking empathy of course, hence why I chose MH as my career option ); yes I understand fully the link between poverty and poor MH. However, it doesn't mean I believe one population of people are instantly privileged from a MH / coping perspective simply by virtue of having a larger home. Because I also understand that MH and coping resources are inherently individual, regardless of other circumstances.

How's this for lacking in empathy?

I spent months and months WFH (for to my vulnerable condition) whilst supporting a large team of my NHS colleagues every week over Zoom calls, who were at breaking point with the whole thing. Week in, week out, I supported them to do their jobs whilst they cared for some of the most vulnerable MH service users in the country. All whilst struggling with my own MH. I went to bed at night sobbing my eyes out that I couldn't help more.

But because I just so happened to do all that from a large house, with access to a garden, I'm blinded my own privilege and lacking in empathy.

Nice.

Oh and I say that as someone who does live in a big house and understands this makes me more privileged during lockdown, and therefore I wouldn't dream of branding anyone "selfish" because they wanted to support a bereaved friend.
This ^^^
Just go.
The poor woman.
Ware a mask
Stay 2 meters apart.
Wash your hands and wipe down what you touch.
She's lucky ti have a friend like you x

Believe me the old vulnerable people fretting in Homebargains and Asda about the idiots without masks freely wandering about are not doing so from places of privilege.

Also whilst Charlotte may be struggling, you are breaking the rules so perhaps Lucy is justified in her reaction?

Your title and generalisation is B very U

There are thread after thread after thread on here full of people constantly breaking the restriction rules and constantly trying to justify them, when, in essence, they are just doing what suit them.

It has nothing to do with the size of their house.

I say this as someone who followed all
the quarantine rules and is still picking myself up from the anxiety and depression of being alone with a 3 year old and like I couldn't cope at times. I am not in the UK. If it had gone on longer I don't think I would have coped. I live in a big house & have a big back yard and live in an area that is not densely populated - it was the isolation and uncertainty and no other adults or help.

I'd put your energy into supporting Charlotte and ditching Lucy tbh. You don't need that shit.

Yanbu to visit your bereaved friend in these circumstances, especially if she is struggling. I assumed you'd do basic stuff to ensure the meeting is as 'safe' as it can be.

Yabu (very) to lay all the blame on those who are fortunate enough to have a larger home than you or are more financially stable than you though.

I have a financially stable job, and dh also does which is also high paying. We have a nice home with a garden. I work out of the home usually, despite being CV and did so beforehand, working in close contact with lots of people with no real 'protection.' Covid put me in hospital and 4+ months later I am still suffering the after effects. Fortunately I've now had a vaccine, before I needed to return full time to in-person work. Dh works part time at home and part time out fo the home, often with vulnerable clients. He isn't eligible for the vaccine. Dd has had a year of mess with losing relatives, moving home (for university), lost exams, not being able to see her boyfriend, not being able to come home as much as normal, not being able to make new friends as easily, etc.

We have both been bereaved during this past year. Dh lost his dad (and me my much loved FIL) and I've also lost both of my grandmothers. We've been trying to support his widowed mum as best we can. A friend has also died last year.

Being bereaved, clinically vulnerable, working out of the home, struggling with mental health as a consequence of a years worth of crisis, being longer term ill, etc are not just something those in shared flats and houses, etc face.

Visit your relative whilst taking some precautions, ignore your 'friend' - or just find a better friend tbh.

And do not think that just because some of us have the benefit of a bigger house and a garden means we haven't suffered this year too.

YANBU.

And learn not to tell other people what you're doing if it is 'against the rules' - far easier way to live.

@londonscalling

I do sympathise and realise life is difficult. However, it's against all the rules of lockdown to go and visit a friend. We are told to stay home to save the lives of those around us.

Unless you're a teacher, or have school-aged children, in which case it's fine to mix with hundreds of people in confined spaces with little ventilation. If so, crack on.

OP, I don't blame you one bit for visiting, and I think you should maybe re-evaluate your "friendship" with Lucy.

I live in a big house with loads of garden and could really do with a fuck right now.

I think everyone is trying but sometimes they risk assess i in individual circumstances. In lockdown 1 my best friend had just left an abusive marriage but with dc had to speak to her ex and he was awful (police called etc). I went and sat in her garden with her when I couldn’t have. DV meant technically I could and we did everything as safely as possible until I hugged her. I don’t regret it. It’s the only rule break for me. What does grate on me is pictures of friends together or pics at the beach (we don’t live near a beach!) all over Fb - don’t advertise rule breaking on fb, especially if you are senior in the NHS (one particular friend )