To think fuck you to those living in big houses who are following the rules?

[Hammyhamster92]

I have noticed swathe of happily married friends, in jobs they could do from home, in big houses with big gardens bitching about people not following the covid rules.

There seems to be no sympathy from these people that a large number of people not following the rules are, ( from personal experiences I know of)

1. Sharing a one bedroom flat with their two children, and no garden.

2. Living in a shared HMO where the landlord has turned the living room into another bedroom and there isno garden and no communal area.

3. Living with violent, abusive, toxic people.

4. Are bereaved.

5. Are unable to share or bubble with their partner, but don't feel they should have no contact for months.

I had a massive row with a friend today, ( call her lucy). Lucy asked what I was doing for the weekend, and I said I was going to visit ( "charlotte") as Charlotte has had a very horrible bereavment recently, ( cousin she was very close to died unexpectedly in a road accident) and was really struggling and has asked for a visit.

Consequently , I've been called all the names under the sun, I'm selfish/ horrible etc, and more so because I have to travel by train, ( I can't drive for medical reasons). Utterly sick of this shit, and it seems that some people who are living in a middle class bubble of perfection can't imagine the difficulties lockdown has caused others.

There's an awful lot of envy on here and generalising. Somehow I don't think the virus will decide not to infect you because you're going to meet a grieving friend but will infect others if they have a party.

I have zero sympathy for anybody breaking tbe rules. They are prolonging this hell for everyone else. And no I don't live in a big house or any of the luxury you talk about, I'm a single mum.

In an ideal world we would all be following the Covid rules - we can't get out of this by only the people in big houses with gardens following the rules. Unfortunately, Covid doesn't care if you have a big garden or not, you can still get ill and infect others. In fact if you live in a cramped house with lots of people you are more likely to spread the infection if you get it.

It's just a fact that no matter how horrible and unfair the ban on mixing might be seen to be, the more we all stick to it the sooner we will be back to some sort of normality.

Lucy was right, technically you should't be visiting but she should have kept that view to herself.

Massive generalisation. I live in what I consider a ‘normal’ sized house. We wfh in the small spare room and my kids share a room. I think some common sense is needed and your friend is clearly vulnerable and needs support. However I have zero sympathy for most people who have chosen to ignore the rules. Most of my friends don’t bother any more and are regularly seeing people inside. I ran round a park today and it was full of groups, including what looked like an organised football club (which I think isn’t allowed but might be wrong!).

I think you are allowed to visit someone in distress to care for them. Lucy was wrong on both counts.

@Meruem

While it’s true that people who live in big houses with no financial problems still suffer things like bereavement, illness, mental health issues etc. The fact is that anything you can suffer will absolutely be worse if also you live in shit conditions with no money. Surely that’s logical? No the house and the money doesn’t make it “better” but having neither of those things will definitely make it worse. I don’t see how anyone could fail to understand that?

I’m not rich and my house isn’t huge, but it’s a good size. I have my pick of 4 rooms to spend time in, a garden, and I’ve been wfh throughout in a low stress job. I am very lucky and I know it. I would never berate someone for doing what they need to do. Yes I judge people who maybe throw a big party just for “fun” right now. But helping a friend in need? To me that’s totally understandable.

So if her travels cause her to become a spreader of covid, the adverse effects on others are justified??

Sorry but that's reprehensible.

The title of your post and the point of your post are completely different Lucy is a dick though

The size of my house has nothing to do with fact I choose to follow the rules around social mixing

@LadyOfLittleLeisure

YADNBU - this pisses me off no end, the "we're all in the same boat" comments I've heard made my blood boil.

We might be in the same storm, but we are not in the same boat!

I've been struggling to get a Waitrose delivery and had to made do with Tesco. We all have problems, just have to get on with things the best we can in these difficult times

Yup. I ended up in a position where I had to send my DS back to school a couple of weeks before they reopened, despite me being home, because of various very difficult circumstances going on at the time. Some of the school mums were very snipey, some very judgey comments made on the WhatsApp group and now a couple of them seem to be blanking me at pick up. I'd normally care more what other people think of me, but tbh they don't know what the situation is for others, so fuck them.

@sassbott

What a horrible judgemental post.

Could you imagine my coming along and making some horrible judgemental sweeping generalisation about a ‘less privileged’ part of society.

You may be doing what you think is best. So keep it to yourself because bluntly you’re breaking the rules and I give zero fucks about your situation.
But if you go around advertising what you’re doing, then fully expect someone to give you their opinion.

I have friends who don’t have children and live alone. They’re dating/ hooking up with people all the time! I live in a big house, with kids and am adhering to the guidelines.

Do I think they have any more right than me (a single mum) to get their end away? No. I don’t. But because I have a big house and garden my plight/ empathy is less?

No. It’s got nothing to do with my house / garden. You break the rules - you’re a selfish fucker. Justify it all you want, but thems the breaks. Especially for those of us who are bloody struggling yet stick to the rules

All of this. I have a modest home, garden and ability to wfh. I'm also single and have barely seen anyone including my sister with advanced cancer. We have lost a year of precious time together but we are being responsible for the greater good.

I've no time for whiners who can't think of others instead of themselves for a change. The virus is still spreading and it doesn't care how bored or do-gooder you are. Stay home!

I live in a regular 3 bed semi, normal garden. Luckily we didn’t go open plan so at least we each have our own space. DH and I hardly talk anymore...we have nothing to talk about. We’re both retired. Basically it’s OK for us.

But....if Lockdown had happened 5 years earlier we’d have been living in a tiny flat with a minuscule garden which was overlooked by the stairs to the flat upstairs which housed a large number of single males who made our lives a living hell.

Or 45 years ago when I was living in a shared bedsit (with fiancé) in a shared flat above shops with no outside space.

I couldn’t have coped with either of these situations and I have huge admiration for those who are coping and huge sympathy for those that aren’t.

Go see friend, get rid of Lucy.

@Figgygal

The title of your post and the point of your post are completely different Lucy is a dick though

The size of my house has nothing to do with fact I choose to follow the rules around social mixing

Agree.

Having a garden makes no difference unless the weather is good enough to sit in it, and none at all now that we are all allowed to sit outside.

Having a car makes a massive difference as people seem to be making a lot of inessential journeys - based on what they say and on traffic levels - that just aren’t possible on the limited public transport available.

By all means visit Charlotte, that’s allowed, have a nice picnic in a public place and then go home. It’s not necessary to stay the night to give emotional support - even if it means meeting half way.

While it’s true that people who live in big houses with no financial problems still suffer things like bereavement, illness, mental health issues etc. The fact is that anything you can suffer will absolutely be worse if also you live in shit conditions with no money. Surely that’s logical? No the house and the money doesn’t make it “better” but having neither of those things will definitely make it worse. I don’t see how anyone could fail to understand that?

People don't fail to see that. People do have empathy for that.

The people who have empathy for that, wouldn't dream of saying "fuck you" to others just because they have more than they do. Or less, for that matter.

They'd say fuck you to people who were vile, because they deserved it. Irrespective of where or how they lived.

Your friend Lucy is a Arsehole !

As she is being very Judgemental of yourself !

This Lucy needs to be Careful as karma can have a weird/Mysterious way of creeping, up
And Biting her on a Back side !

I have seen it happen !

Whilst lucy sounds like a knob you are massively and unfairly over generalising and it sounds like you are upset at more than just what she said.

I live alone in a 4 bed house (not a big one, mind), and as I sit on my sofa, I can look out into the garden.
Lockdown is shit and lonely, but nowhere near as bad as it is for my friend who lives in a shared flat in a high rise building, and works from home from his bed. Nor is it as bad as it is for the woman I support as a volunteer, who is in emergency housing with her new baby. The accommodation is a student studio in central London, which has room for a bed, the baby's moses basket on a stand, a small desk, a sink and a single hotplate, and a wardrobe. I have never been in a room so small. There's not even a chair. And the window looks out onto a wall four feet away.

I've been trying to persuade the woman to go out for a walk with her baby, but she's won't because she's been told that she should only go out for urgent reasons. I fear for her mental health and the likelihood of PND.

I try very hard not to whinge about lockdown because I am so aware that I'm fortunate compared to many. Yes I judge people who blatantly and consistently break the rules in egregious ways, but I would never blame either my friend or this mother for bending them where no real risk is involved.

What pisses me off, is day trips miles away from home like a 45min journey to the beach... That's the only thing my privileged ass is happy to bitch about. If others need support that's fine IMHO asked long as it's not taking the piss, under circumstances you've listed phage no problem with those...

Asked = as
Phage = I've
Frckin phone

Funny how people can always find a way to justify anything they want to do. If their life is hard in some way, suddenly it’s okay to do whatever they want (regardless of whether it’s illegal) and no-one is allowed to call them out on it.

Yes, lockdown has been harder for some than others. That’s true and that’s true of life too. Living in a small flat with no garden and kids is really difficult and it’s easier for people in big houses to cope. But it’s not true that only those in big houses have stuck to the rules or only they have criticised those who have broken the rules. I know plenty of people in both types of houses who have and haven’t stick to the rules and who have been vocal about others doing differently to them, both in person and on social media too.

In a pandemic, although when the rates are high everyone is hit, actually as time goes on, it hits those who are less affluent more. Those living in more crowded conditions or with multiple generations, and those going to work in busy places which aren’t tightly controlled for social distancing who have had to go in 5rough the worst parts of pandemic are more likely to get the disease and be hospitalised and die. This is partly because of their living conditions and work conditions, but also because the less affluent are likely to have more health conditions such as obesity which means their outcomes after catching the disease are worse.

So this is a reality, and going out and breaking the rules makes the outcomes for groups who are living in the smaller properties and more crowded conditions even worse. We should recognise that coping is hard, but also that the consequences if breaking the rules can be even worse for some groups.

Life isn’t fair. We should empathise that it’s not fair and not everyone is in the same boats even if they’re in the same Covid storm, but that doesn’t give carte blanche to say ‘poor me, the rules don’t apply to me because life is so hard’. Lots of nosey finger pointing and curtain twitching and judging isn’t useful, especially when it’s often based on a lack of facts about what people are actually doing, but Cali g out good friends on their actions which could hurt not only others, but them too, is actually the kind thing to do...done sensitively. We should be sensitive, but also recognise the pandemic won’t be stilled by being sensitive....I’d rather upset a friend and help protect them than keep quiet from fear of causing offence.

This thread could be about all kinds of things people do that are wrong and they justify from a victim mentality. People steal, they cheat the school admissions system, they do benefit fraud, they avoid taxes, they take sickies,they behave anti-socially......lots of people do these things and justify their actions because of their situation. And then they shout loudly and say no-one can call them out on it because their situation justifies it and make them immune to criticism. It doesn’t.

@VeganVeal

What's wrong with doing shopping in Tescos then?
You sound up on yourself snobby /
and quite Arrogant in your tone.!

Not everybody can afford to shop in ffs Waitrose !!!

Get a reality check !

Quite often those are in bigger houses haven't had it handed on a plate. They have made better life choices and often get berated for it by people who have made poor choices. This is not fair. Rules apply to everyone regardless of circumstance. You can't have a day out by pleading poverty any more than a billionaire can have a day out because thry are rich.

But it’s not true that only those in big houses have stuck to the rules or only they have criticised those who have broken the rules.

Literally nobody has said that.

I've been struggling to get a Waitrose delivery and had to made do with Tesco. We all have problems, just have to get on with things the best we can in these difficult times

PLEASE tell me you are joking 😂😂 this is Mumsnet though, so it’s hard to tell sometimes....