To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

Are u joking?

@married15

Are u joking?

Who me?

About what? Why would I be joking?

But I don’t cook and clean for my adult sons. If anything they do more cooking and cleaning than I do.
We live on the south coast. A decent flat in our area and close enough for his work is £190k to £200k. He is 23 and earns around £25k which will rise to around £35k as he rises up the career ladder wishing the next 5 to 10 years depending now the coming recession hits his industry. So at present he will only qualify for a £100k mortgage so how in hell do you expect him to be able to buy a £190k flat without staying home and living cheaply and saving.

I think 20, maybe 30 years ago, women would be wise to avoid dating men who chose to live at home with their mum, if mum was doing everything for them.

It's still reasonable advice BUT these days needs to be looked at more circumspectly - house prices are so high now, that living at home and saving to buy a house is actually really sensible. So long as the boys are doing their share of household chores (ALL of them), and are contributing to the bills at least, so they'll be ABLE to live on their own when they can afford it, then fine!
So these days, more than just "lives at home with mum" needs to be looked at before discounting these men as prospective partners.

I'm in Australia, where house prices are still rising ridiculously (In our area, definitely) and I can't see either of my boys being able to move out and live independently in their own home for some years after they start work! But I'm still training them in how to do household chores, how to cook, how to be self-sufficient. Hopefully they will turn out to be useful men and partners!

Are you sure they're judging you and not just making inane chat?

I don’t think I makes me better than anyone I am just saying that now it is very difficult, we spend a lot more than my parents generation on housing. And no I don’t get anything from my parents I just worked my arse off. And no I have not been married for 15 years: my husband has been very unwell for the last few years. But wait.. are you trying to make me feel bad because I’m a woman supporting a man? This is just all over the place

DH and me bought our first home mid 20’s. it needed work so didn’t live in it, eventually moved out at 27. Sold it a couple of years later, moved back in with parents for 3 months, whilst waiting for the sale to go through on our now family home.

We have 3 children and they will always have a home with us. We’re in a good position thanks to our parents and very grateful, we will pass that opportunity on to our children.

Good for you for supporting your boys, it’s no one else’s business what your set up is. Out of interest, the people asking you, have they ever had support?

There is nothing wrong with your sons still living at home if everyone is happy about it. It has nothing to do with anyone else, others views don't count for anything.

Why only sons?

But wait.. are you trying to make me feel bad because I’m a woman supporting a man?

What on earth are you going on about? I had no idea you were "supporting a man" nor do I care - stop playing the faux victim when no one has been sexist towards you. Unless it's sexist to point out that you got a joint mortgage.

Weird how you won't say how long ago you bought your house. Even 9-10 years ago would've been a hell of a lot easier than today and certainly if it was before 2008.

You have the ability to point out that housing costs more than it did in our parents age, but you can't figure out that some people take longer to save to afford it? And you MUST realise that getting a joint mortgage buys a house more easily than getting a sole mortgage?

@married15

Why only sons?

She said "your sons".

Your agenda to make everyone look like sexists is a little embarrassing. Go to bed

@married15 well in London, we don't have space to grow food anyway. Food isn't that expensive anyway particularly if you shop at Lidl and aldi. The main issue in London is inequality- some people have high salaries + family help + inheritance. This trickles down to the rest of the UK as equity rich Londoners are able to buy pretty much what they want in the rest of the country. I actually know an investment banker who lived with his mum well into his 30s - can only imagine the size of his deposit when he finally buys plus he would probably get family help too. Its not that unusual nowadays for people of that profile to live with family and save.

Times change. Its like how in the past, it was very common to be able to support a family on 1 wage and pay the mortgage even in London. Now, trying to raise a family on 1 wage in London is increasingly rare and it's generally the case that most families are dual income. Its the same with adult children living with parents, no one would bat an eyelid in 10 years time and it would be 'normal' for a 30 year old man to live with family.

When I met my husband he was mid 30’s and lived with his parents in London. He had never lived anywhere but that house with his parents.
I already had bought a flat outside of London and was 26.
He moved in with me, we got engaged and married a couple of years later. When he moved in he paid his way and we saved for our wedding. After we married we jointly bought a house and started our family.
This was over 25 years ago when property was still affordable to people on average salaries.
But he was a wonderful husband, he loved and respected his parents but was in no way a mummies boy and apart from the fact that he was crap at diy he shared housework and childcare as after children I worked evenings and weekends to fit in with his hours and enable us as a family to not have to grow veg so that we could eat.

So at present he will only qualify for a £100k mortgage so how in hell do you expect him to be able to buy a £190k flat without staying home and living cheaply and saving.

I think in today's society the general advice is:
-kick him out so he can 'learn' (what exactly he learns I don't know)

• stop buying avocados

He'll save up £90k in no time 🤣🤣

@MadMadMadamMim

I don't think my DDs are shallow. They work in nursing - one with the criminally insane.

They both left home at 18 to go do nursing degrees, which involved them paying uni fees and accommodation for the privilege of then working long shifts unpaid all the time they were training. The grants for nurses have gone. Both of them made extra money when they could by taking shifts in Tesco/bank nursing in care homes.

Youngest one finished last March and went straight onto acute Covid patients. She's had no clapping, no graduation ceremony, no real fuss over her hard work. She's currently on a really brutal lot of night shifts. She's also 300 miles from home.

We're a working class family with little money to spare and they were brought up to graft and be independent.

I know both of them would look at blokes in their late 20s still living at home to save money and wouldn't be impressed. Neither of my DDs are shallow - they are just not interested in guys who lack independence and would suspect (as a PP said) they are waiting for the 'toilet roll fairy' to change it.

Neither wants a partner who's come straight from his Mum looking after him to allow his new GF to take over that role. They want an equal partner who has equal life responsibilities.

So if they want an equal partner then they wouldn't date anyone who had moved out and bought a property either. The balance of power of the relationship would always be in favour of the person who owns the property.

I don’t think he even likes avocados.

@JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows

So at present he will only qualify for a £100k mortgage so how in hell do you expect him to be able to buy a £190k flat without staying home and living cheaply and saving.

I think in today's society the general advice is:
-kick him out so he can 'learn' (what exactly he learns I don't know)

• stop buying avocados

He'll save up £90k in no time 🤣🤣

Well said, those pesky advocado nuts.... 😆

Never understood the ‘children need to learn to live in the real world/stand on their own two feet’. The real world bites, young people need all the help they can get. We bought in 2010 and thought that was hard but prices atm are insane.

Oh gosh you properly don’t understand
I bought our first house 7 years ago, I Am under 32. I worked so hard and worked so much overtime. And I have said how long ago I bought my house. And for all you people who say it’s not possible with adults these days, I just worked 65 hours a week. Hardly ate meat or dairy and sucked it up

@nokidshere

My 'children' (currently 19 & 22) will have a home here for as long as they want or need it. If they do leave after uni they will be welcome back at any point in their lives if and when they need somewhere to be.

Same here. Home is home. Until they decide somewhere else is home. And even after that. Life is unpredictable.

It has been a bit miserable and I don’t think that everyone should have to do that at all. But I do think it’s character building and makes you more determined. So if you want something:..work for it (if you can)

If you're all happy in your living arrangements, why would you want them to move out and pay rent, and all other bills, wasting money that could be saved for a deposit? Renting away from the family home for no reason is more unreasonable than not.

Wow I wish I could have bought a property at 21... straight out of university. You clearly think I’m older...

My son doesn’t need to live in a crummy beds it to learn how to be an adult.
He learnt all he needs to know about how to adult when his dad was given a 3 month prognosis at the same time as he was sitting his exams. He learnt all about how shit life can be whilst he watched his dad die in horrendous pain. He watched whilst the tumours cracked his hip bones and he couldn’t even leave his bed to use the toilet.
He sat with me and bought food for me for a week as his dad spent his last few days in a coma at the hospice.
He supported both me and his special needs brother after his dad died. He held my hand at the funeral home as we said our final goodbye and was my rock during the funeral and the time afterwards.
He still managed to pass his exams and offered his apprenticeship before his dad died.
So I don’t think me kicking him out is going to make him adult any better than he already does.

It is normal these days, I am in my late 20s and only moved out because I had a kid, everyone my age who I know lives at home unless they went to university or had a kid

I have a friend who lived at home (paying his mum rent) until he was 36.

They both worked full time on different shifts (he was often away for 6 month stints for work) and rarely saw each other.

He was able to build such a big savings pot that when he met his now wife, they bought two houses, one to live in and one to rent out for additional income, both totally mortgage free.