To be fed up of people keep telling me my sons are too old to live at home

[Fedup333336]

They are 25 and 27. Both work full time and pay their way.

Doesn't seem odd to me. Some people can't accept that some families enjoy each other's company and like to help each other out! Loads of people live at home in their 20s.

Are tge people making those comments of an older generation OP?

I am 27 & although I don't live with my parents still I know more people my age who still live at home with their parents than who have their own place. I think in this day & age it is completely normal?! As long as you're all happy with the set up I see no issue.

Who cares?! I wouldn't put up with it, apart from the odd few months but it's your life.

Errr I Was married at 25, was a senior manager at 26 , bought my first house at 27 second at 29, lived out of my parents home at 18, worked 39 hours a week whilst studying for my degree.. it happens! If you want to support adults to be children that’s your choice but don’t moan about jt...

@married15 so you had the support of a husband to buy a house with too? How long ago was that?

But the OP's sons are 'children' because they want to buy a house on their own

At least they're not giving all their wages to some greedy landlord hogging the property market. Besides It's completely normal in many cultures outside the UK to live with family

@married15

Yes too old. The narrative now days is that they can’t save blah blah. Maybe cut down in spending f? I think it is lovely when parents offer this but at 25 and 27... no! What are they doing with their money? Spare salary is different to our parents generation but what are you going to do .. live with parents forever or maybe find ways to make money and spend less?!

At 25 and 27 they’ve likely been out of Uni 3-5 years. Given house prices now that’s not an unusual length of time to establish a career and save for a deposit at all.

House prices are vastly different, even to just 10 years ago.

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@married15 so you had the support of a husband to buy a house with too? How long ago was that?

But the OP's sons are 'children' because they want to buy a house on their own [/quote]
Wow so you assume my husband bought my house because I am a ...woman?! My goal was to always support myself, I didn’t have the luxury of living with parents and not spending 70% on my house .. which is also normal with people that don’t live at home...

[quote JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows]@married15 so you had the support of a husband to buy a house with too? How long ago was that?

But the OP's sons are 'children' because they want to buy a house on their own [/quote]
Seriously what the fuck, why do you think my husband bought me a house????

I think it depends on what sort of family life you have.

Dd and ds do the laundry, load and unload the dishwasher without being asked. They will sweep up and mop the floors, cook, do the shopping and even pay some of the bills if I am short of money.
They do know how the house runs.
A lot of their friends who have moved out live in HMOs which are just one payment per month which covers all bills and take their washing home so their mums can do it.
I know one guy who lives on his own who has his dad do all his food shopping each week.
He even lets himself in and puts it all away for his son. His dad also pays all the bills apart from his mortgage.

Just because someone has moved out doesn’t mean they know how to live independently.

Hey everyone sexist and ageist ... what if I said that I work and my husband looks after the kids? If it was the other way around you wouldn’t be expecting that a partner did certain things. And yes I know house prices vary, I couldn’t keep up with a hat I wanted so I worked the overtime so I bought what I could afford..

I don't think my DDs are shallow. They work in nursing - one with the criminally insane.

They both left home at 18 to go do nursing degrees, which involved them paying uni fees and accommodation for the privilege of then working long shifts unpaid all the time they were training. The grants for nurses have gone. Both of them made extra money when they could by taking shifts in Tesco/bank nursing in care homes.

Youngest one finished last March and went straight onto acute Covid patients. She's had no clapping, no graduation ceremony, no real fuss over her hard work. She's currently on a really brutal lot of night shifts. She's also 300 miles from home.

We're a working class family with little money to spare and they were brought up to graft and be independent.

I know both of them would look at blokes in their late 20s still living at home to save money and wouldn't be impressed. Neither of my DDs are shallow - they are just not interested in guys who lack independence and would suspect (as a PP said) they are waiting for the 'toilet roll fairy' to change it.

Neither wants a partner who's come straight from his Mum looking after him to allow his new GF to take over that role. They want an equal partner who has equal life responsibilities.

You're a wonderful Mother. I'm 36 and my onlychild/son is 4. I am not at this stage yet.

People love to have all sorts of opinions but who has to live with them - you.

The world is expensive, insecure and as we've seen this past year, unpredictable.

Sending your children off with house deposits is giving them a stronger, safer foundation in life. One day they'll be paying mortgages, providing for a family, juggling an enormous load and grateful.

Paying rent is not freedom and independence.

@married15 my first home in london cost £400k. I am 28 years old. There is no way we could have bought that without living at home as newly weds. And due to affordability criteria, my mortgage payment cannot be more than 30% of income. And can only borrow 4.5 times of income. A lot of people on 100k in London can't afford to buy esp if single.

Seriously what the fuck, why do you think my husband bought me a house????

No.

Like I said he bought a house WITH you. You don't think that had an impact on your ability to buy? I literally have no idea why you think I claimed your husband bought you a house. A FWIW if you said you'd married a woman my point still stands - you got a joint mortgage, OP's kids are looking at sole mortgages. It's not rocket science why it's easier for you

I think I'd be fine with DS3 here until he gets married, why not?

@Mamanyt a list of reasons why it's not the same for the OP's sons as it is for you

• not on the same career path at the same age
• no well paid jobs available in their skill set
• no opportunity to work overtime
• nobody to get a joint mortgage with
• live in an area more expensive than you that requires a bigger deposit
• different mortgage terms that require a bigger deposit
• no means to study and do a 39 hour a week job

You haven't said how long ago you bought your house? How much did you need to save for a deposit? Did you get financial help? All these factors are at play and I'm a bit surprised that someone thats come so far in life needs to be told that different people have different experiences

There is currently a housing crisis at the moment, no one that age wants to live at home, the only way for younger people in their 20s and 30s to get onto the property ladder is to live at home at a slightly cheaper rent and save for a deposit, rather than move out and rent and pay off some rich landlords mortgage for them, can't see a problem as long as they are not buying expensive things all the time and are actually saving. They are being sensible, who cares what others think, they will have the last laugh when they own a property and their peers are still renting because their parents forced them to rent or they wanted their independence so we're quite happy to pay the price for it.

Married15 I can’t see anywhere where it was said that your husband bought your house for you.
But you said you was married at 25 and bought a house at 27 so I would assume you were a dual income couple. So two wages coming in to pay the bills and rent.

What age someone is in a position to buy is also dependant on the area you live and work in.
If my son lived in Darlington or the welsh valleys but still Ernst his south east salary then he would be able to afford to buy now but as he doesn’t then he has to save more and needs a couple of extra years on the career ladder so his wages increase and passes the affordability so can get a mortgage.

Sorry that tag should have been for @married15

Married15 I can’t see anywhere where it was said that your husband bought your house for you.

It didn't. She didn't read my post properly before swearing at me (or she did and is wilfully misinterpreting it)

I don’t know what you mean by this... obviously buying in London is extremely hard. I’m just making a point that a lot of people do not get the privilege of living with parents for ten plus years to afford a mortgage. Some people just make sacrifices, like unintentionally becoming vegetarian because I can grow food for little... Anyway I I live in the south east and the ratio from wage to living cost is not correct. But I also have sisters and brothers in law that think that £200 a month is robbery for their mother to buy their food and cook and clean for them. Because they might not have enough money to go on holiday next year?!

@married15 why aren't you telling us how long ago you and your husband bought your house? Is your username hinting that you've been married 15 years?

Also just because you moved out at 18 and went to great lengths to afford stuff it doesn't make you better than people who happily (or unhappily) live at home and save whist also having holidays. Why must everyone be miserable and grow their own food to get by?

I think the majority of adult children who do this are...male...there a reason for this.

My 29 year old brother has never left home, however he has s good job, a daughter and is a good man. But, he has never had a long term steady relationship and I think living at home all his life may have stunted his growth as an adult.

I also have two sisters and we all left home in our early 20s. I feel it's less acceptable for women to live with their parents.