To still be upset about mum bullies?

[GingerNinjer]

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

Violent mum sounds terrifying!

The mum you spoke to at pick up could have been a bit more sympathetic and recognised you were looking for solidarity and reassurance.

The party plate was overkill, but it’s exactly the sort of thing I’m likely to do. The mums at my DC’s school would totally take the piss, but in a kind way that was fun for me too.

The party plate was overkill, but it’s exactly the sort of thing I’m likely to do. The mums at my DC’s school would totally take the piss, but in a kind way that was fun for me too.

Mine too!

Just goes to show that bullies don’t grow out of their behaviour. The school cliques are a bit like being back in the school playground. Horrible women they sound awful. You did nothing wrong. As others have said when your child goes to secondary school you need not see these people again. You would not want them in your lives in any case.

More ‘screaming’ mums eh? I hate to think what sort of places some of you must live. If the women are that scary what the hell are the men like?

They are really mean. I would like to think of a good comeback for you but I’m not good at that. Honestly, just be yourself. You made an effort and you are not mean. You’re the one I would rather talk to.

I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before

Christ only just noticed this part. What did she do?!

I hate it when someone posts a thread about something trivial causing a horrible reaction for them and then everyone posts about whether said trivial thing was funny/stupid/annoying/whatever.

Who cares whether they were right or not to find it funny? They've treated the OP horribly and bitchily, it might have been okay to make jokes had the OP not been verbally abused by a fellow school mum, but the fact that no one took it in jest and made jokes with the OP at the time but then are happy to poke fun after the fact makes them sound mean and spiteful.

OP, I understand your feeling but honestly it's such a stupidly inane thing and only sad people would find it so HILAR that they keep bringing it up. Or mean people deliberately sniping. If someone relayed this story to me about another school mum I would have maybe given a polite snort of laughter but it's such a boring non even it would have passed out my head the next day. The other woman shouting in front of all the parents and children that you were a "snobby c*" would have been much more memorable, in a bad way.

It sounds cliche but worrying over this is so not worth your time. As a mother of a girl approaching secondary school I strongly recommend you model a thick skin approach to life as she will soon be dealing with inevitable stupid teenage comments at times. Hope you feel better

I don't think there is anything wrong with how the plates were presented- it seems very sensible to me and helpful.

I do understand the embarrassment you feel OP. I had a mum scream and shout at me in front of all the other parents a couple of years ago. It was humiliating and still bothers me. This was a private school mum, who puts herself at the centre of the school social life. Afterwards, the other mums blanked me and it made the pick ups/drop offs/football match etc really awful. The one up side of Covid has been that I no longer have to see this woman at school as parents have to drop and go and there are no football matches for parents to watch! Anyway just wanted to understand I understand why you still feel upset.

Sounds like some of those mums are intimidated by nasty violent mum. I’ve found that people like her often have people sucking up to them.

They were bloody nasty. If you get crisps again, just get those huge bags and send them in

the boy's mum started screaming at me at the playground at pick up,

Really? I live in a large city and in over a decade of being here, I have witnessed a screaming match probably twice - once a domestic outside a shopping centre, the other a crackhead on the bus.

However on MN, being screamed at on the school run is a near daily occurrence

Was the woman who shouted in the, WhatsApp group?

Totally own it. If it comes up again say something like, “well, somebody has show a bit of class round here” or “Sorry, I didn’t realise it was amateur hour”. If you’re asked to bring crisps again do a massive Pringle sculpture. Don’t let them try to shame you. You’ve done absolutely nothing to be ashamed of.

Exactly Wondermule. I honestly can't believe these stories unless, as I said, the posters who constantly seem to be screamed at and called c*s live in the seventh circle of hell or similar. I've lived in some rough areas myself but screaming like a banshee would indicate serious mental health issues instead of 'a day in the life of your average MNetter'!

@MiaChia

Exactly Wondermule. I honestly can't believe these stories unless, as I said, the posters who constantly seem to be screamed at and called c*s live in the seventh circle of hell or similar. I've lived in some rough areas myself but screaming like a banshee would indicate serious mental health issues instead of 'a day in the life of your average MNetter'!

I don’t think they were screamed at. I think they may have been spoken to in an unfriendly tone, but actual screaming?

First mum fine, she is batshit. Second issue, the teasing and group chat. To call this bullying in my mind is massive Overkill. The crisp thing is something I would have easily done. I would have posted memes of hyacinth bucket eating a pack of wotsits or something.
Life is a lot easier if you don't take everything so seriously. Op I think you need to seriously let it go. At the party bring hula hoops individually wrapped!

two years ago - I get keeping your distance, but maybe you all have too much time on your hands?

@MrsTerryPratchett

Do elaborate

Oh please. Comparing school mum piss-taking (and I don't include the first woman in that) with harassment of women by men. You know that's bollocks.

Try that in the office, and see what a difference it makes.. Bullying is bullying, harassment is harassment.

The first woman "sick of the snobby cunts" is just some worthless individual, with bad issues, but the others?

I also have to admit, I’m fifty two years old and I grew up in a very rough council area. Now live in a naice area. And have lived in everything in between, In all my years I don’t think I’ve ever witnessed someone simply throw gheir head back and scream in the manner described here.

It is apparently a regular occurrence for many people on here. So either some hyperbole being brought into play or my life is much more sheltered than anyone would ever believe...because seemingly screaming and being called a cunt is a regular occurance for many.

@thecatandthevicar

Calling someone a worthless individual is bullying IMO, what if she had MH problems?

The cling film will stop all the packets from falling off the plate,whilst being carried.! I would tend to feel very sorry for these bitchy women, who group up,like a nest of vipers, and cause upset when ever they are let loose. Don't worry about them, just don't associate with them,and realise they just have mini brains.

The first woman "sick of the snobby cunts" is just some worthless individual, with bad issues, but the others?

Normal people having a laugh about something silly someone did. Not understanding how very sensitive the op is.

This made me laugh out loud! I think the hula hoops on a plate is so sweet and they sound a bit pushed for things for talking to each other about but 2 years OP? Let it go

If a mum used that language in front of children in my school and the head became aware of it she'd be on a warning. Do it again and be banned.