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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:

Onlinedilema · 20/03/2021 08:09

The op said her dd will be starting senior school in September, that makes her old enough to know better.

Shrivelled · 20/03/2021 08:30

I couldn’t get angry or worked up about this. All I’d feel is pity for the children who’s parents are acting like immature, spiteful children themselves. And the child with the violent mum, I really hope social services is involved there.

Foxhasbigsocks · 20/03/2021 09:14

Those who are saying it’s weird because the crisps were in packets. At some point at these things they get taken out - often hours before the kids actually sit down to eat . So cling film was ready to use to cover them at that point. It’s exactly what I would do and I can’t see why it’s weird

diddl · 20/03/2021 09:23

@Onlinedilema

The op said her dd will be starting senior school in September, that makes her old enough to know better.

Thanks. I had read that & hadn't quite connected the dots as to what it meant

This did all happen a couple of years ago so she would have been 10?

Maybe that is old enough to realise that people do things differently & not to make someone else feel that what they have done is wrong?

"DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate."

It was this that made me think that she might be very young.

Nothing excuses the mum though.

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 09:29

Violent mum started screaming at her, other mum said “oh fuck off” and violent woman grabbed her by the throat, pushed her against the wall and was screaming in her face. The police were called but it didn’t go any further. She also punched a bloke on the way home one day.

And this is what I meant when I said, I've only ever seen this sort of stuff working in a prison, not in the school playground.

She sounds simply delightful. And also a danger to her local community.

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 09:33

Just to add this woman had had a dig at me before. I used to drive to school quite a lot (half hour walk otherwise each way) but I started walking when the weather got better. One day she was walking behind me with her mate and said loudly “oh look, has she remembered she’s got fucking legs now?” And in another incident she said to her mate “I wouldn’t leave the bastard house if my hair was like hers, it’s like a white Afro”. (I have frizzy curly hair).

She. Is. Vile.
How she had even one friend in that WhatsApp group is beyond me.
Classic bully.

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 09:34

And the child with the violent mum, I really hope social services is involved there.

Me too!!

Jubilate · 20/03/2021 09:50

Oh god. The violent mum obviously has massive issues.

There was thought behind the crisps and your daughter seemed proud that she had a mum that had gone to effort. That's what will be remembered. Its easy to say let it go, I know how hard these things are to cope with. But the pack mentality is horrific, and I am sure there are other parents who are WTF about the continued 'banter' over the bloody crisps. These people are so desperate to find something to ridicule people over, it really does speak volumes about how inferior they fear they are.

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 09:53

OP, given the evidence of her persistent bullying behaviour towards you, I can very clearly see why you felt so targeted in the WhatsApp group, with her as the ringleader. Very clearly not banter between "mates", as I suspected.

MRex · 20/03/2021 10:00

@Sweetmotherofallthatisholyabov

With the greatest respect I think you might be, not unlike myself, a bit of an oddity. I think presenting the hula hoops for the party is deliciously mental, and suspect they're not taking the piss out of you in an unkind way, it's probably just a joke remember the time ginger did that LOL. But to you displaying the hula hoops is such a normal thing to do that you don't see how it's a joke.

I agree with this. OP, I understand you feel embarrassed, but I suspect the other mums thought it was sweet and find it a joke. We don't know them and perhaps they're mean, but worth giving them a chance and try to laugh at it.

I'd have put them in a deep bowl, no cling film, so I'd be halfway up the presentation route too! It's the clingfilm on top of plastic that's funny, looking like you'd personally made a special snack... even though it's obviously just practical to keep them on the plate.

Give the nasty violent mum a wide berth though, obviously!

Cam2020 · 20/03/2021 10:03

@LucieStar

Well yes, completely vile and unnecessary!

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 10:06

[quote Cam2020]@LucieStar

Well yes, completely vile and unnecessary![/quote]

I'm now wondering why it "went no further" when the police were called after she had someone against a wall by their throat.

Cam2020 · 20/03/2021 10:08

So it wasn't in isolation and it clearly wasn't a case of gentle teasing between friends. They're sad bitches and you did the right thing by leaving the group.

Some people are awful. Just remember this behaviour comes from their own perceived inadequacies, rather than yours. The ones who just laugh along and follow are weak cowards, trying to avoid being the next target. Don't give them any more headspace or power.

Cam2020 · 20/03/2021 10:12

I'm now wondering why it "went no further" when the police were called after she had someone against a wall by their throat.

Sadly, some schools still want to brush bullying under the carpet (on any level, unless it's a member of staff being attacked!) and individuals are too scared of having to see their attacker every day and face more violence or threats. Some people are just completely lawless.

Cam2020 · 20/03/2021 10:13

And the police aren't bothered, either! Just a mum drama to them 🙄

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 10:16

@Cam2020

And the police aren't bothered, either! Just a mum drama to them 🙄

Well that's a disgrace as I'd be wanting to press fucking charges left right and centre, school mum or not! I'm sure if a bloke had a woman by her neck against the wall they'd find time to be bothered.

Racoonworld · 20/03/2021 10:29

Not sure why I opened bags of crisps were on a plate with clingfilm, I can see why that would be a bit amusing, especially as they were hula hoops. The first women was unreasonable for having a go at you, that was uncalled for. The other mums may have just been bringing it up as a light hearted joke though.

Onlinedilema · 20/03/2021 10:55

I absolutely believe there are some 'types' of people who the police do not want to investigate/prosecute. They prefer to challenge easier types. Happens in all walks of life too. Think about how certain people you work with always get their own way, the boss will always make an excuse for them. Same at school when a usually well behaved child does something slightly bad, they are usually clamped down on whereas the kids who are badly behaved on a regular basis......well that's another story.

LucieStar · 20/03/2021 11:19

@Onlinedilema

True.

Maybe that was the 17th call that month about her (seems entirely possible from OP's description of her!) and the police were just thinking "not this shit again"

Dreadful really, but I can see how it gets to that point with repeat offenders!

cakewench · 20/03/2021 11:19

Ok yes, crisps sealed in packets then covered with cling film is a bit hilarious, but I'd have finished laughing over it that school year (probably!) And I'd never have been laughing about it in the public year group chat.

If they're still doing this years later it just tells me these are mean spirited people with nothing else in their lives. Secondary school will be a blessing!

Also that woman sounds completely unhinged. How frightening to have to deal with her at the school gates regularly.

cakewench · 20/03/2021 11:21

@Onlinedilema

I agree with this 100%.

Mrsfrumble · 20/03/2021 11:32

I agree with the poster above who said this thread is a good example of why bullying is so prolific. Whether or not you or I find the hula hoops and clingfilm odd or funny is not the point. The point is that if the person on the receiving end of the “banter” / “lighthearted” piss taking finds it upsetting / hurtful / intimidating then it should stop. Surely anyone with an ounce of emotional intelligence knows when to back off? Because if you’re carrying on, knowing full well the other person is upset then you’re deliberately hurting them and it is bullying.

It’s obvious from the OP’s update that the playground screamer is an utter horror and the other parents are probably intimidated and follow her lead just to stay on her good side.

Freyaismyname · 20/03/2021 11:36

If she'd screamed in my face like that, she wouldn't have a face left

Maddison12 · 20/03/2021 12:05

@Freyaismyname

If she'd screamed in my face like that, she wouldn't have a face left

This^ With the "snobby cunt" incident, I'm afraid I would have marched up to her and said "would you like to step outside away from the kids and call me a cunt again?" Or waited for her outside the school.

If OP had of done that I doubt there would of been any repeat nastiness.

FairNotFair · 20/03/2021 12:11

Hopefully there will be an end-of-year class party, and you can make a HULA HOOP CROQUEMBOUCHE.
That will show them.

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