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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To still be upset about mum bullies?

370 replies

GingerNinjer · 19/03/2021 15:28

This happened a couple of years ago but I just can’t seem to get over it. The class was having a party and all kids were sent home with an item of what to bring. Me and another mum got “crisps”.
I bought a multipack of hula hoops, took the individual bags out of the main bag and spread the packets on a party plate, covered it with cling film and that was it.
DD proudly walked into school playground carrying this plate. Other boy who was asked to bring crisps walked in with a multipack of monster munch as bought. DD said to him “why are they not on a party plate?”. She shouldn’t have commented but she did. I quickly told her it didn’t matter whether they were on a plate or not. The boy went to his mum and said DD had said they were meant to be on a plate. Before I had chance to apologise/explain this woman flung her head back, screamed and said loudly “sick of the snobby cunts here, get to private school!”
I was mortified, didn’t confront as this woman has been violent in the playground before so made a quick exit. I was so upset by it, shaking all the way home, I’m not confrontational at all and certainly not a snob.
When I went to pick DD up that afternoon I got standing with a woman who I considered a friend. I told her what had happened and she burst out laughing and said “but why did you put them on a plate? Some of the others were laughing about it too! They were just hula hoops!” I said I knew they were just hula hoops, they were still in their individual bags, I wasn’t pretending they were anything different!” To which she said “exactly, they were in bags! So why the cling film and plate?” Whilst laughing hysterically.

Months later jokes were still being made in the chat groups about wether to buy crisps from asda of Waitrose etc, jokes about cling film for extra protection etc etc. I came off the chat groups and no longer speak to any of them but I just can’t get over it. Seems like such a massive reaction to crisps?? They’re talking about the possibility of a party at the end of school year if guidance allows and I actually feel sick at the thought of the jokes starting up again.
Was I really so badly in the wrong here?

OP posts:
Wondermule · 19/03/2021 20:40

@SeaWitchly

I also don't get it, why is carrying a plate of crisp packets covered with cling film funny Confused The cling film was presumably to stop the crisp packets from falling on the floor as the plate was carried. It is odd in my opinion to find this so hilarious 2 years on.
It’s just an odd thing to do, like putting tinsel on a cactus or something.
Authenticchicken · 19/03/2021 20:43

Not really, since tinsel on a cactus serves no practical purpose, whereas cling film stops things slipping off. Presumably this plate travelled in a car.

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 20:44

@Authenticchicken

Not really, since tinsel on a cactus serves no practical purpose, whereas cling film stops things slipping off. Presumably this plate travelled in a car.

Yeah I just almost posted the same, you beat me to it Grin

Foxhasbigsocks · 19/03/2021 20:47

The cling film is there to keep the crisps fresh in between the food being plated and kids eating it. Seems totally obvious to me

Mookie81 · 19/03/2021 20:48

@1forAll74

The cling film will stop all the packets from falling off the plate,whilst being carried.! I would tend to feel very sorry for these bitchy women, who group up,like a nest of vipers, and cause upset when ever they are let loose. Don't worry about them, just don't associate with them,and realise they just have mini brains.
If she left them in the multi pack bag they wouldn't need a plate would they?! Hmm I don't believe anyone on here who thinks it's normal to take the bags out of the main packet, put said bags on a plate and clingfilm the plate of unopened bags. That said, if it's clear to the mums that OP doesn't like the ribbing they should stop.
WorraLiberty · 19/03/2021 20:49

@Crickey734637

Oh dear, I did have a little chuckle at the Hoola Hoops being cling filmed to a plate when they're still in their packets OP

Actually this is very sensible. Transported to avoid spillage with a plate available so children can help themselves for easy access.

How would spillage occur when they're individual bags?
Cam2020 · 19/03/2021 20:50

A lot depends on your relationship pre Hula-Hoopgate. One person's joshing is bullying to another. I don't think they were 'cunts' to joke about it if they thought you were in on the joke or weren't offended by it. I personally don't like making jokes at other people's expense, but have had some made at mine and whether I've been offended depends largely on whether I think I've done something silly and/or my relationship with the people.

Mummadeze · 19/03/2021 20:52

I am not bitchy but this did make me laugh a bit. Not that you are upset obviously, but that woman shouting about being fed up with school snobs is quite funny because it is OTT to use a plate and cling film and not just bring the multi pack. She had probably reached the end of her tether after a lot of similar things were people try too hard to make a good impression or have way too much time on their hands. It is a bit mean that they kept laughing about it but it obviously became an in joke that you could have laughed along with. I often laugh at myself when people point out I have done something weird. It is actually a bit of a bonding thing if you join in yourself. But try not to dwell on it. It is quite a minor thing to blow out of proportion.

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 20:56

@Cam2020

A lot depends on your relationship pre Hula-Hoopgate. One person's joshing is bullying to another. I don't think they were 'cunts' to joke about it if they thought you were in on the joke or weren't offended by it. I personally don't like making jokes at other people's expense, but have had some made at mine and whether I've been offended depends largely on whether I think I've done something silly and/or my relationship with the people.

Exactly. Context is so important. One person's "banter" is another's bullying.

Wondermule · 19/03/2021 21:01

@Authenticchicken

Not really, since tinsel on a cactus serves no practical purpose, whereas cling film stops things slipping off. Presumably this plate travelled in a car.
Oh. Maybe a seat belt on a cactus then.
EezyOozy · 19/03/2021 21:28

I definitely would've decanted them.

Individual bags makes zero sense for a class party. And after decanting them I would've thought "oh shit, what if they go soft or or fall off the plate/bowl" so I would've put something over it.

Ignore the haters op! Bunch of cunts.

Nohomemadecandles · 19/03/2021 21:29

@hassletassle she didn't take them out of the bags.

Cherrysherbet · 19/03/2021 21:41

This thread just shows why some kids in school think that it’s ok to be unkind.

The pack mentally is rife in schools....and it’s not just the kids.

So many grown women trying to justify why it’s ok to laugh at someone, to swear at someone and to bully someone. IT’S NOT OK.

I don’t care what you think about crisps on a tray FFS. That’s NOT the point. Who cares? NO ONE SHOULD CARE!!

The point is that this lady was verbally attacked in the playground, then mocked and ridiculed for months afterwards over NOTHING....to the point where she is still worrying about it two years later.

How can anyone defend that behaviour......or even think it’s about fucking hula hoops?????

If anyone reading this thinks what this group of mums did was ok.....then you need to take a look at how you might be making people feel. BE KIND.

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 21:44

@Cherrysherbet

This thread just shows why some kids in school think that it’s ok to be unkind.

The pack mentally is rife in schools....and it’s not just the kids.

So many grown women trying to justify why it’s ok to laugh at someone, to swear at someone and to bully someone. IT’S NOT OK.

I don’t care what you think about crisps on a tray FFS. That’s NOT the point. Who cares? NO ONE SHOULD CARE!!

The point is that this lady was verbally attacked in the playground, then mocked and ridiculed for months afterwards over NOTHING....to the point where she is still worrying about it two years later.

How can anyone defend that behaviour......or even think it’s about fucking hula hoops?????

If anyone reading this thinks what this group of mums did was ok.....then you need to take a look at how you might be making people feel. BE KIND.

👏🏻👏🏻

Mendocino · 19/03/2021 21:50

@Cherrysherbet
I’m glad someone said it.
With bells on.

BunnyJumper · 19/03/2021 21:52

Went to Sainsbury's Op. Saw these and thought of you!

To still be upset about mum bullies?
harknesswitch · 19/03/2021 21:56

It's things like this that make me glad my dc's are at secondary school and I don't have to put up with playground mum's and bloody class parties any longer. My dd gets the bus to school so I never ever have to see any of my dd's friends parents Grin

LucieStar · 19/03/2021 21:57

@BunnyJumper

Went to Sainsbury's Op. Saw these and thought of you!

Argh now I really want salt and vinegar hula hoops. Bloody pregnancy cravings!! Blush

Wondermule · 19/03/2021 22:07

@Cherrysherbet

This thread just shows why some kids in school think that it’s ok to be unkind.

The pack mentally is rife in schools....and it’s not just the kids.

So many grown women trying to justify why it’s ok to laugh at someone, to swear at someone and to bully someone. IT’S NOT OK.

I don’t care what you think about crisps on a tray FFS. That’s NOT the point. Who cares? NO ONE SHOULD CARE!!

The point is that this lady was verbally attacked in the playground, then mocked and ridiculed for months afterwards over NOTHING....to the point where she is still worrying about it two years later.

How can anyone defend that behaviour......or even think it’s about fucking hula hoops?????

If anyone reading this thinks what this group of mums did was ok.....then you need to take a look at how you might be making people feel. BE KIND.

Be kind? You’re a shining example mate yelling at us like that
Crickey734637 · 19/03/2021 22:07

How would spillage occur when they're individual bags?

I can't believe I'm elaborating on this but the crisps could have been taken out of the bags and plated up with cling film over the top couldn't they. At least this way the packets can be opened and placed on the supplied plates instead of staff rooting around for something to put them on. Op didn't know how the party food would be served did she, so this was very thoughtful.

It doesn't matter though does it, yes op could have tried to make light of it but there are some pretty nasty vile people about...like the foul mouthed women who spoke to op. in the playground.

Cam2020 · 19/03/2021 22:18

I can't believe I'm elaborating on this but the crisps could have been taken out of the bags and plated up with cling film over the top couldn't they. At least this way the packets can be opened and placed on the supplied plates instead of staff rooting around for something to put them on. Op didn't know how the party food would be served did she, so this was very thoughtful.

Me neither, and not to detract from OP's feelings and, what happened since, but the party was not a surprise to the teachers, nor the items that were being brought in since they asked for them, so there shouldn't be any rooting around anyway? Or OP could have just brought some party plates too without unpacking the crisp bags?

HelgaDownUnder · 19/03/2021 22:37

@Dizzybintess

As a teaching assistant....you saved the staff a job! they would have had to take all the packs and empty them into a bowl themselves! They sound like nobs!
This.

I honestly can't see the problem op.

Do people think that it's ok for for the little packets to be scattered about the table?

Class party food should be sent in so that teachers just unveil and serve. I would not expect the teacher to bring in dozens of serving dishes themselves, or to fuss about arranging food.

When I started to read your post I assumed all the bully mums had whipped up handmade layer cakes and sushi platters, and were going to mock your crisps-under-plastic-wrap efforts.

A very odd bunch.

OldCow1 · 19/03/2021 22:41

Try to laugh it off. If you can't, pretend you have.

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2021 22:50

So many grown women trying to justify why it’s ok to laugh at someone, to swear at someone and to bully someone. IT’S NOT OK.

I don't think one person has said the initial women was OK to swear. The two things are getting all muddled up. OP did something a little daft. If I'd done it my friends would have ribbed me too.

It's only the initial women who needs told.

Averyyounggrandmaofsix · 19/03/2021 22:58

So many people don't seem to understand the hula hoops were still in their individual bags which kind of shows it's rather a strange thing to do.