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Original poster

To make him walk when he thinks he's getting a lift.

280 replies

1099 · 19/03/2021 09:04

DS has a detention after school today, (Not his fault obviously he just happened to carry on talking after he'd been warned to be quiet during the lesson!) Anyway that's not the point, I've said I'll meet him after because there are no buses to here from there, only the school bus which he'll have missed obviously.
The school is about 2.5 maybe 3 miles away, I'm thinking of walking up with the dog and then walking home with him (and the dog). The plus side is a nice walk for me and the dog and DS (although he won't appreciate it) the downside is he'll probably moan most of the way home because he's expecting me to be in the car.

OP posts:
LittleTiger007 · 19/03/2021 12:02

@Nith

Does he need it. No Is he probably ravenous having likely not eaten since 12.30 and, if like my sons, had football training at lunch break and then had double rugby Friday afternoon, and then have a 3 mile walk ahead of him? Yes

I still don't get this. My children (now aged between 18 and 26) all managed to get themselves home without any extra snacks throughout their secondary school careers despite doing all the sports training, long walks etc, and despite two of them at least having journeys of 40 minutes or more. Likewise their friends. I don't claim any particular virtue on their behalf, it just never occurred to either them or me. I suspect that children grow to expect snacks just because they're given to them rather than that they actually need them.

@Nith exactly. Helicopter parenting is an epidemic.

My brother and I were fit and In numerous sports teams. Endless snacks are not necessary. We were fed well at home in the evening and regularly drank an entire pint of milk. 3 healthy meals a day and endless snacks are not needed even during puberty.

Strangekindofwoman · 19/03/2021 12:02

If he's at secondary school I'm not sure why you would go and meet him out anyway. If you want him to walk home as an extra punishment just tell him you won't drive to pick him up.

I wouldn't be that mean on a Friday evening though.

LittleTiger007 · 19/03/2021 12:03

Have 3 healthy meals a day and then endless snacks are not needed that should say.

RainingBatsAndFrogs · 19/03/2021 12:04

I wouldn’t be doing with the drama. I’d just say “OK, it won’t take you more than 40 mins to walk home, so see you then “.

Or

“Ok, we’ll the dog will enjoy the walk so we’ll meet you on the route home”. If I wanted the walk.

I wouldn’t be putting myself out by going to pick him up, wasting my time driving. The detention is his consequence, not mine.

2late2fixate · 19/03/2021 12:05

@Strangekindofwoman

If he's at secondary school I'm not sure why you would go and meet him out anyway. If you want him to walk home as an extra punishment just tell him you won't drive to pick him up.

I wouldn't be that mean on a Friday evening though.

I was with you until

I wouldn't be that mean on a Friday evening though

What has it being a Friday evening got to do with anything?

Plumbear2 · 19/03/2021 12:15

@RainingBatsAndFrogs

I wouldn’t be doing with the drama. I’d just say “OK, it won’t take you more than 40 mins to walk home, so see you then “.

Or

“Ok, we’ll the dog will enjoy the walk so we’ll meet you on the route home”. If I wanted the walk.

I wouldn’t be putting myself out by going to pick him up, wasting my time driving. The detention is his consequence, not mine.

Exactly this. If my son ever got a detention there would be a good reason for that. But it would be his detention and his responsibility to get himself home afterwards, not mine. He wouldn't be so quick to think disrupting the class is acceptable in future.
skodadoda · 19/03/2021 12:15

It’s a good idea, do it. Discuss consequences 😆

arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2021 12:17

The fact that this is even a discussion on mumsnet with a good amount of parents saying 'it's mean/take snacks' etc is blooming scary.

It literally shouldn't be a discussion, shouldn't warrant a second thought. He should already know the way.

My dcs? 'Well, that was silly, make sure you're home by 5'

MeltsAway · 19/03/2021 12:18

As extra punishment?

So a 40 minute walk with your mum and a dog on a nice spring day is a punishment ?????

No wonder we have a lot of fat and/or non-resilient children if that's the attitude.

Cattitudes · 19/03/2021 12:20

As he doesn't know the way it seems like a great opportunity for him to learn the way back, walk the dog and catch up. If the bus goes all around the houses then it probably takes longer than you would driving to pick him up so he would probably be home about the same time, which partly defeats the point of detention to be inconvenient. I would walk today (with a snack if needed) and say that another time he can just walk back. A 2-3 mile walk with your mother and dog (and maybe a snack) on a sunny day is not punishment.

2late2fixate · 19/03/2021 12:21

@arethereanyleftatall

The fact that this is even a discussion on mumsnet with a good amount of parents saying 'it's mean/take snacks' etc is blooming scary.

It literally shouldn't be a discussion, shouldn't warrant a second thought. He should already know the way.

My dcs? 'Well, that was silly, make sure you're home by 5'

At least some people are talking sense.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 19/03/2021 12:24

It’s not the distance that’s an issue for me, it’s the fact that you’re doing it to make a point, that’s what makes it like an extra punishment. My kids have never had a detention so I know that having one would be more than an inconvenience, they would be bothered that they had one, so for me to then ‘teach them a lesson’ on top of them already being punished, would seem a bit petty. I do know parents who would do it, but it’s not for me. I make my kids and partners life as easy as possible and they do the same for me, so I’d just pick my child up after school in the car. Despite me doing things like this for them, they’ve managed to be resilient, and not be overweight or bratty, that must be a miracle listening to people on here.

WallaceinAnderland · 19/03/2021 12:25

I think it's a very healthy decision OP and will show that the world does not revolve around him, sometimes he has to do what he's told and fit in with other plans. Be sure to let us know how it goes.

luxxlisbon · 19/03/2021 12:28

@IFoundMyselfInThisBar How is it an "extra punishment"? OP has not once said she views it as that or that she is doing it to make a point...what point is she supposedly even making?

OP is making the decision that suits her, nothing to do with teaching anyone a lesson.

earthyfire · 19/03/2021 12:31

Not something I would do. I don't enjoy making my sons life a misery just to prove a point. He has done the detention.

2late2fixate · 19/03/2021 12:32

@IFoundMyselfInThisBar

It’s not the distance that’s an issue for me, it’s the fact that you’re doing it to make a point, that’s what makes it like an extra punishment. My kids have never had a detention so I know that having one would be more than an inconvenience, they would be bothered that they had one, so for me to then ‘teach them a lesson’ on top of them already being punished, would seem a bit petty. I do know parents who would do it, but it’s not for me. I make my kids and partners life as easy as possible and they do the same for me, so I’d just pick my child up after school in the car. Despite me doing things like this for them, they’ve managed to be resilient, and not be overweight or bratty, that must be a miracle listening to people on here.

What's wrong with an extra punishment?

If I was in trouble at school I'd be in trouble at home too. My parents reinforced what the school said. Otherwise children just whistle their way home and that's the end of it.

Since when did a punishment at school not also equal a punishment at home?

Are you one of these parents that just farms everything out to the school? Punish your children for Christ sake.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2021 12:33

Walking 2 miles makes a 12 year olds 'life a misery' omfg, there are no words.

Plumbear2 · 19/03/2021 12:33

How on earth is walking the dog making his life a misery? How is walking home from school, something children have done for generations making his life a misery? It's not, it's a normal every day activity.

Strangekindofwoman · 19/03/2021 12:34

MN really hate teenagers. So he talked in class. He has a detention for that. That's enough of a punishment.

highlightsonlyplease · 19/03/2021 12:35

Just the kind of thing I would do!
Good for you, plus the exercise, time together with opportunities to talk, as well as the dog benefitting it's a win win win (hopefully it's not going to rain!Smile)

Strangekindofwoman · 19/03/2021 12:35

I wouldn't 'punish' my child for talking in class.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 19/03/2021 12:35

OP has not once said she views it as that or that she is doing it to make a point...what point is she supposedly even making?

Erm.... yes she did say she was doing it to make a point. Here you go luxxlisbon.

OP said,
To those who asked; I wasn't really thinking of it as a second punishment more of making the point that it's a pain for everyone not just him.

Padamae · 19/03/2021 12:36

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 19/03/2021 12:40

If I was in trouble at school I'd be in trouble at home too. My parents reinforced what the school said.

Are you one of these parents that just farms everything out to the school?

I completely back the school on discipline. I wish there was harsher punishments at school. Read some of my other posts on other threads saying that my kids have liked home learning because there’s been no disruption from badly behaved kids, the teacher can simply mute them. So, if my kids got told off for doing something at school, I’d absolutely go over why it was wrong, what they need to do differently in future etc but I wouldn’t personally make a point in the way OP is thinking of.

CuthbertDibbleandGrubb · 19/03/2021 12:41

I think the dog deserves the extra walk and company and you are being very kind to provide him with that. Also to recognise that detentions are not for trivial matters.

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