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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk when he thinks he's getting a lift.

280 replies

1099 · 19/03/2021 09:04

DS has a detention after school today, (Not his fault obviously he just happened to carry on talking after he'd been warned to be quiet during the lesson!) Anyway that's not the point, I've said I'll meet him after because there are no buses to here from there, only the school bus which he'll have missed obviously.
The school is about 2.5 maybe 3 miles away, I'm thinking of walking up with the dog and then walking home with him (and the dog). The plus side is a nice walk for me and the dog and DS (although he won't appreciate it) the downside is he'll probably moan most of the way home because he's expecting me to be in the car.

OP posts:
Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 19/03/2021 16:25

@Strangekindofwoman

Haha, yeah reading it back I did sound like a twat but she really does and I've always been too lazy to bother with snacks. It definitely takes her longer than an hour obviously.

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 17:04

@sneakysnoopysniper

I think the school should take some responsibility for detaining children in these circumstances. Not everyone has a car to pick up their offspring and what if the route was rural with unlighted unsafe roads/no pavements?

When I was a kid I had to come straight home from school to let my younger sister in because my mother worked. Twice when I was given detention I walked out because otherwise I would have got a whalloping from my father. When I was asked where I had been I told the teacher that I did not have my parents permission to stay on at school and they would have to take the matter up with them.

Detention is supposed to be a deterrent for bad behaviour. It can generally be avoided, especially twice...
tigger1001 · 19/03/2021 17:12

@2bazookas

Good idea.

If/when he starts moaningl say "If you want a three mile moan I'll give you one. Three miles of me nagging you about behaviour all the way home.

Or, we can enjoy a pleasant friendly walk with dog. Choose now. "

You sound like me. That's what I would do - take the opportunity to discuss behaviour and consequences. I would also be pointing out that his behaviour had consequences for me and he needs to think about that. I would also be warning that any future detentions that were warranted would be met with further consequences at home. And they would be expected to get home themselves
Original poster
1099 · 19/03/2021 17:45

Sorry been out for a walk.
So to answer a few questions & in no particular order.
He doesn't know the way home because we live in a relatively rural location and the bus takes 45 minutes to do the trip because it goes all over the area picking people up, whereas it took us 58 minutes to walk using country paths and lanes.
He's not miserable nor did either of us think it was any form of additional punishment, he was a bit surprised to see me and the dog sat outside the school but deduced straight away we were walking home.
It would be untrue to say he didn't moan at all but it was only in the first minute or so and once we got going he was fine.
By the time we were halfway he was trying to work out how much quicker he could do it on his bike and whether he felt he could actually beat the bus on a normal day.
I had some water and biscuits for the dog anyway so an orange wasn't really any extra weight.
All in all I think it went extremely well. I now feel I've earned a sit down and quite possibly some wine.

OP posts:
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 19/03/2021 17:46

Ah well done OP and OP's son! And dog.

arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2021 17:50

Indeed you have.

How about - from now on, if he walks taking the extra 12 mins time, he gets half the bus money to keep?

arethereanyleftatall · 19/03/2021 17:50

13 min

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 19/03/2021 18:27

He's not miserable nor did either of us think it was any form of additional punishment,

Well it was you that said you were doing it to make a point. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s given you lots of attention on here though so I’m sure it’s all been worth it. 🙄

BitOfFun · 19/03/2021 19:24

Well done, @1099, that sounds sufficiently virtuous for a lovely relaxing evening Smile.

DenisetheMenace · 19/03/2021 20:35

OldScrappyAndHungry

@2late2fixate I was going to say the same thing grin.

I bloody hate the word “snowflake” to explain the younger generation but dear god you can see where it comes from hmm.

When do some of today’s teenagers learn that life is a little hard sometimes? (And if carrying a heavy bag is all that’s hard then it really isn’t grin).“

I think a lot of them probably have learned that this past year. Our youngest has missed the whole year of his much anticipated College course, working at home to protect his dad.

I agree, it does sound snowflakey but I was horrified when I lifted his Year 10 bag (there were no lockers and they had to carry all text books etc for every subject around all day) By Year 11 he was suffering from regular upper back and shoulder pain (he hadn’t complained about it until then) so I bought a little folding trolley thing to put it on (several of the other kids had the same).
I’m a regular long distance Walker. Wouldn’t fancy walking even a couple of miles with the
bag he used to have to cart about all day (plus another with kit twice a week).

YetAnotherSpartacus · 19/03/2021 23:11

Well it was you that said you were doing it to make a point. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s given you lots of attention on here though so I’m sure it’s all been worth it

Not really any need for such asinine snarkiness.

Well done OP, Dog and DS.

Dog will be saying, that was FUN, keeping talking in class DC and we'll get to do it again!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/03/2021 07:34

Well it was you that said you were doing it to make a point. 🤷🏻‍♀️ It’s given you lots of attention on here though so I’m sure it’s all been worth it. 🙄

How on earth did this post come across as attention seeking? The OP wanted other people's opinions on something and she got them. Which surely is the purpose of MN?

Hope that whatever made you write that comment was worth what it will make people think of you.

NewPapaGuinea · 20/03/2021 07:38

3 miles on a bike would easily be quicker than 45 minutes. No opportunity to do his homework though 😄

Ultimatecougar · 20/03/2021 11:59

It seems to me that a lot of posters don't understand what it's like to live rurally. Most country people don't walk much day to day. There are no pavements and most of the roads have a 60mph limit and people treat them like silverstone. No streetlights, so in winter it's pitch black.

You can walk using public footpaths across farmland, but often these aren't very direct and very muddy. Again pitch black in winter and quite isolated.

I could, in theory walk to work. It's only 3 miles along public footpaths through farmland. In reality I would arrive at work with mud past my ankles and in winter it would be properly dark.

Cycling is also difficult due to the fast, dangerous roads, darkness and the fact it's so hilly it would challenge Lance Armstrong. In one direction, it's so steep it would be faster to walk and in the other direction you're actually going dangerously quickly. Not a route suitable for a child.

As an occasional walk in dry weather on the way home (so If you arrive muddy it doesn't matter) like the OP did that's fine. I think she did the right thing.

Not so practical every day. People going for leisure walks in the country is a completely different matter. You are appropriately dressed, can choose the best route for pleasant walking, avoid really bad weather and go during daylight hours.

Ddot · 20/03/2021 17:57

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Ddot · 20/03/2021 18:00

Just read snide comment, think someone needs a cuddle

AlisonOrdnung · 20/03/2021 18:02

He'll start to enjoy it after ten minutes moaning.

Jeeperscreepers69 · 20/03/2021 19:31

Lol hes a grown assed man nearly

Nobody2u · 20/03/2021 20:16

I think you did brilliantly. A bit of exercise for you, him and the dog didn't do any harm. On the contrary a bit of time on his own with his mother was probably quite appreciated.

Emma1234567 · 20/03/2021 20:23

3 miles is nothing! Why is walking seen as a punishment? I really don’t understand why people jump in their cars for the school run. I drive but wouldn't bother using the car for such a short trip. My 4 and 5 year old walk further than this on the school run every day, if they’re tired we use a bike/scooter. Don’t want to moan/judge but I can see why there’s an obesity epidemic in this country when a kid walking 3 miles is something a parent has to spend this much time thinking about!

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/03/2021 21:44

@Emma1234567

3 miles is nothing! Why is walking seen as a punishment? I really don’t understand why people jump in their cars for the school run. I drive but wouldn't bother using the car for such a short trip. My 4 and 5 year old walk further than this on the school run every day, if they’re tired we use a bike/scooter. Don’t want to moan/judge but I can see why there’s an obesity epidemic in this country when a kid walking 3 miles is something a parent has to spend this much time thinking about!
I'm all for children walking to/from school. I did and our children did.about a mile each way. But how many 12 year olds honestly walk 6 miles a day on their own?
RockingMyFiftiesNot · 20/03/2021 21:46

I should add, where I live, you wouldn't stand a cat in hells chance if getting into a state school 3 miles away.

IFoundMyselfInThisBar · 20/03/2021 21:46

3 miles is nothing! Why is walking seen as a punishment?

I don’t personally think it’s a punishment. It was OP that said she wanted to make a point. 🤷🏻‍♀️

CeeceeBloomingdale · 20/03/2021 22:04

@RockingMyFiftiesNot

I should add, where I live, you wouldn't stand a cat in hells chance if getting into a state school 3 miles away.
Where I grew up there wasn't a school within a 3 mile radius so the closest catchment school was further than that that we got a free bus pass because of that. That's actually still the case, only I have moved to the town where the school is so my children can walk the mile there. However anyone who lives in my old village would need transport as there's still no closer school. I don't particularly live rurally either, where the closest school can be some distance away. Outside of Greater London it's quite normal.
Mamanyt · 20/03/2021 22:23

LOL, he will almost certainly grouse. I'd just tell him, "Look, I happened to want a walk, just like you happened to want to keep talking after being told to be quiet."