Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To make him walk when he thinks he's getting a lift.

280 replies

1099 · 19/03/2021 09:04

DS has a detention after school today, (Not his fault obviously he just happened to carry on talking after he'd been warned to be quiet during the lesson!) Anyway that's not the point, I've said I'll meet him after because there are no buses to here from there, only the school bus which he'll have missed obviously.
The school is about 2.5 maybe 3 miles away, I'm thinking of walking up with the dog and then walking home with him (and the dog). The plus side is a nice walk for me and the dog and DS (although he won't appreciate it) the downside is he'll probably moan most of the way home because he's expecting me to be in the car.

OP posts:
tigger1001 · 19/03/2021 13:53

[quote dootdoot]@tigger1001 exactly, it's not an unrelated extra punishment it's a consequence of his first punishment. If the OP was working/didn't have a car then he would have no choice but to walk anyway! Frankly she's doing him a favour by going to meet him at all and turning a dull walk home into a family walk with the dog and a bit of chat [/quote]
Yes! My kids would need to make their own way home as I wouldn't be leaving work to go get them. We do live further away from the school though, so would get him a bus ticket uploaded to his phone as it's a 10 mile walk along roads with no pavements.

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 19/03/2021 13:55

Yes, make him walk.
And take his shoes and socks off him, if he hasn't got a heavy bag take a carrier bag with you and fill it with stones when you get to the school. Make him carry it back.
Meanwhile could your husband knock up a treadmill in the garden for your son to walk on - even better if you can connect it to a well.
Tomorrow (Saturday) send him out to roll a boulder up a hill, a bit like Sisyphus.

I think that would be sufficient for a first offence, although some may think it a little harsh.

Strangekindofwoman · 19/03/2021 13:58

I don't have a problem with him walking home. Mine all walked the 2 miles to school and back every day. I think it's weird he doesn't know the way home though. If the OP has the arse about picking him up she should have just told him he had to walk home. Not say she would pick him up and then as a punishment suddenly turn up with the dog.

TBH Mine would think me turning up to walk them home would be punishment enough. A 12 year old doesn't need his mum to walk him home from secondary school.

RunHobbitRun · 19/03/2021 13:59

The outrage on this thread explains why there are so many entitled brats around!

I think a long walk home is a great idea. It's not double punishment, but it does send the message that a cushy ride home in the car after detention isn't a given...plus you and the dog get to stretch you legs. Win-wi n!

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 13:59

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Yes, make him walk. And take his shoes and socks off him, if he hasn't got a heavy bag take a carrier bag with you and fill it with stones when you get to the school. Make him carry it back. Meanwhile could your husband knock up a treadmill in the garden for your son to walk on - even better if you can connect it to a well. Tomorrow (Saturday) send him out to roll a boulder up a hill, a bit like Sisyphus.

I think that would be sufficient for a first offence, although some may think it a little harsh.

Or she could just let him walk home. The drama 😂
pucelleauxblanchesmains · 19/03/2021 14:07

3 miles is fine surely (although I'll admit because I lived 8 miles from my school I always got the bus).

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/03/2021 14:57

Why doesn’t he know the way from home? Is he wuite new to the school or is he just used to being given a lift?

OP has already explained all this

WallaceinAnderland · 19/03/2021 14:59

@TwoLeftSocksWithHoles

Yes, make him walk. And take his shoes and socks off him, if he hasn't got a heavy bag take a carrier bag with you and fill it with stones when you get to the school. Make him carry it back. Meanwhile could your husband knock up a treadmill in the garden for your son to walk on - even better if you can connect it to a well. Tomorrow (Saturday) send him out to roll a boulder up a hill, a bit like Sisyphus.

I think that would be sufficient for a first offence, although some may think it a little harsh.

Grin
MeltsAway · 19/03/2021 14:59

This thread!

I was brought up in the country. I used to have to walk a mile just to get to the bus stop for the school bus. 2 miles a day, everyday. 3 miles as a one-off is nothing ...

GreyhoundG1rl · 19/03/2021 15:01

@MeltsAway

This thread!

I was brought up in the country. I used to have to walk a mile just to get to the bus stop for the school bus. 2 miles a day, everyday. 3 miles as a one-off is nothing ...

Yes, we frequently walked home to save the bus money for sweets.
MeltsAway · 19/03/2021 15:04

Grin @GreyhoundG1rl I couldn't possibly comment - it took about an hour to walk home from school, if we didn't get the bus. And it was a really nice walk with friends, and an ice lolly on the way ...

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 19/03/2021 15:05

@HollowTalk

Won't he have a heavy bag?
Aww diddums!

I'm sure he'll cope 🙄🙄

Back in ye olden days, when we had heavy text books for lessons as well as exercise books, we walked there & back every day.

@1099

You want a walk, dog needs a walk, DS will benefit from a walk - with the bonus 'extra' of learning if he can't shut up in class, he gets a detention, that means he misses the bus & has to walk home!! Wins all around really.

However, why do you need to go & walk him home? Why wasn't he walking home anyway?

Maverickess · 19/03/2021 15:08

The outrage on this thread explains why there are so many entitled brats around!

Isn't it just. And why we have an obesity problem in children when walking 2 miles is seen as a punishment, not just a way to get home that's an alternative to the bloody sainted car.

Double punishment my arse.

quarentini · 19/03/2021 15:09

I never ever drove mine or drove to pick them up from school at any point of them being school age.
We walked every day in all weather.
He will be fine.
Enjoy your dog walk op

WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants · 19/03/2021 15:09

@1099
Sorry I got distracted when I got to the post I quoted & hadn't read your subsequent posts.

But the other bits still stand!

Hope you've decided to walk up.

Insertdeadcatsnamehere · 19/03/2021 15:27

I know going on about the length of the walk is missing the OP's point but bloody hell some of these replies! I would expect my 2.5 year old to walk that far without moaning and it wouldn't occur to me to give her a snack. The world won't end if a 12 year old gets a bit peckish ffs, if he gets hungry on the way home he'll enjoy his tea won't he?!

Strangekindofwoman · 19/03/2021 15:44

Your 2 year old can only walk 3 miles ? Mine was walking 25 miles a day with only a dry crust of bread to keep them going.

itsgettingwierd · 19/03/2021 15:55

He missed the school bus so has to walk 🤷‍♀️

It's not punishment - it's natural consequences.

2bazookas · 19/03/2021 16:01

Good idea.

If/when he starts moaningl say "If you want a three mile moan I'll give you one. Three miles of me nagging you about behaviour all the way home.

Or, we can enjoy a pleasant friendly walk with dog. Choose now. "

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/03/2021 16:04

@Strangekindofwoman

Your 2 year old can only walk 3 miles ? Mine was walking 25 miles a day with only a dry crust of bread to keep them going.
Your child can't walk 25 miles without a crust of bread? Jeez.
NeverDropYourMoonCup · 19/03/2021 16:08

[quote 1099]**@AlecTrevelyan006
Does there need to be a point. It didn't really occur to me until he'd left and I was mulling over having to change the time I'd usually walk the dog so couldn't tell him before.[/quote]

I'm sure the dog was perfectly happy with the surprise.

(No, no sympathy for the kid here)

pucelleauxblanchesmains · 19/03/2021 16:09

@RockingMyFiftiesNot - yes some of the competitiveness is amusing - I am an adult with a BMI on the lower end of healthy but I do take water on walks just in case and have never seen that as a sign of particular weakness.

RockingMyFiftiesNot · 19/03/2021 16:10

[quote pucelleauxblanchesmains]@RockingMyFiftiesNot - yes some of the competitiveness is amusing - I am an adult with a BMI on the lower end of healthy but I do take water on walks just in case and have never seen that as a sign of particular weakness.[/quote]
I was the person getting slated for suggesting water and fruit !

sneakysnoopysniper · 19/03/2021 16:12

I think the school should take some responsibility for detaining children in these circumstances. Not everyone has a car to pick up their offspring and what if the route was rural with unlighted unsafe roads/no pavements?

When I was a kid I had to come straight home from school to let my younger sister in because my mother worked. Twice when I was given detention I walked out because otherwise I would have got a whalloping from my father. When I was asked where I had been I told the teacher that I did not have my parents permission to stay on at school and they would have to take the matter up with them.

LolaSmiles · 19/03/2021 16:19

sneakysnoopysniper
Schools generally know their cohorts.
One school I worked at did all after school detentions centrally on one night with a bus that did a very long loop round all the main drop off points.
Another didn't do after school detentions but students would go from lunch detentions with different members of staff to isolation for repeat non attendance.
Others run after school detentions of different lengths

I understand why you did what you did as a student, but under the current law parents don't have to consent to a detention. Obviously schools can't forcibly detain, but parents not consenting doesn't get a student out of a detention. It just escalates to the next stage in the behaviour policy.