Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

"Me duck" in parts of the Midlands. I like ducks, so that's ok.

Get a life hen.....Glasgow.

However older men (he's in his 70's), are always 'sir'!

This says it all 🙄

I’m encouraged by the millenial women upthread who won’t put up with this shit.

My dad calls all females ‘love’ whether he knows them or not. Family members are ‘my love’. I find it patronising.

My lovely Dad called all men 'mate' and all women 'my love'. He always called me 'my darling'. So it doesn't piss me off, just makes me miss him

YABU!!He was being kind!! The language that is now so politically correct is sterile and hypocritical.He made a comment that should have put a smile on your face,and instead you are offended!! He was only trying to do you a favour.You are seriously uptight or as the French would say " psychorigide"!

@Suja1

"Me duck" in parts of the Midlands. I like ducks, so that's ok.

East Side 🦆

Oow pet you dropped your card - classic phrase where I'm from 🤷‍♀️

i would definitely find it patronising and sexist, so yes I agree.

Wow some people can literally be offended by anything.

If someone called me a bitch I’d be offended, but if someone called me love, sweetheart, darling etc (a nice term) then of course I wouldn’t be.

@ERest

Actually OP, I know what you mean and feel the same way. I don’t think it’s misogynist for me though, just really dislike terms of endearment from men and women equally.

Nobody will ever take mysogynist seriously if you define it like this. Get a grip!

*mysogynism

[quote HerculesMulligann]@Cassilis “If you won’t call your boss darling, don’t call a strange woman darling, simple.”

Exactly this! To me it’s so obviously caught up in the power or perceived power between the person saying it and the person they’re saying it to.[/quote]
But you're boss is your "superior". Op isn't this man's superior. So if you wouldn't call your colleague it might have traction but this man isn't "beneath" op just because he's a man

@Hankunamatata

Oow pet you dropped your card - classic phrase where I'm from 🤷‍♀️

Did you miss the prior post. Apparently that means you think you have the right to touch them all over 😂😂😂

However older men (he's in his 70's), are always 'sir'!

This says it all

I’d say calling someone older Sir is pretty respectful actually. Are people not taught to respect their elders anymore?

What else are people supposed to call you if they don’t know your name? I work in retail and have had customers get the hump if I call them madam ( have had “I’m not a prostitute”) so I frequently call other women darling for lack of something else that will not cause offence

Think a woman sa e age as him could easily have said the exact same words.

I think many people who use "terms of endearment" to strangers are simply being kind. I certainly don't mind being called something I consider inoffensive or colloquial, like "love", "darling" "hen" (although I absolutely hate that one, but it's a west of scotland popular one!) or my local area's "my quine". If it were said in a leering sort of tone or in inappropriate circumstances where I might feel threatened by over-familiarity that would be a different kettle of fish, but for the most part it's a harmless way for both men and women to express friendliness.

lots of women have said thank you love when I was volunteering at the vaccination centre today. Thought nothing of it until reading this post. Worlds gone mad if some people are of the opinion that they were being rude!

I couldn’t be arsed to give this none issue head space tbh. Why would you even care?

But you're boss is your "superior". Op isn't this man's superior. So if you wouldn't call your colleague it might have traction but this man isn't "beneath" op just because he's a man

So you can only call people you perceive to be beneath you ‘darling’?

@toocold54

However older men (he's in his 70's), are always 'sir'!

This says it all

I’d say calling someone older Sir is pretty respectful actually. Are people not taught to respect their elders anymore?

Yes it is respectful, but sad that women don’t get this respect and get called darling instead.

What is the equivalent to sir..Dame?

The odd time this sort of thing irks me, I just repeat it back to them. Thanks MAYTE! Oh yes so I see DEAR. Oh how clumsy of me LOVE!

If he'd been Australian he might have called the OP 'Babe' but presumably she'd be fine with that because it's gender-neutral and she could have said "Thanks Babe" in return.