Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

YABU my local postmistress calls everyone 'darling' or 'love'.. just as the elderly population have a habit of calling people 'dear', its a term some people use.

What a weird thing to get pissed off about. This wouldn't bother me in the slightest. The only time it's ever been used and caused an issue was when I was taking evidence from a witness in a trial who kept calling me 'love' in his replies until the judge told him to stop 😂

YABU he was trying to help.

If he said “you dropped your card you stupid cunt”
Then yes you would have every right to be offended.

My husband got called darling at Morrison’s checkout by the young male cashier at the weekend. Neither batted an eyelid, it was me that thought it was a bit weird

Can’t be annoyed at such a non-issue.

I think it’s nice. He obviously didn’t mean it unkindly. It’s a cultural thing isn’t it? Different backgrounds use these terms differently.

I hear you. I took my car to Halfords yesterday and the man there kept calling me ‘young lady’

I’ve been driving for 11 years.....

So flipping patronising, I felt like I was being told off at school!

I wouldn't be offended but I understand you. It really depends on the person and context. I think sometimes people just struggle to find a way to casually address women. If you were a man on that situation he would probably have said something on the line of You dropped your card, mate.
Would you find that offensive?

@Earthling1994

I hear you. I took my car to Halfords yesterday and the man there kept calling me ‘young lady’

I’ve been driving for 11 years.....

So flipping patronising, I felt like I was being told off at school!

That is patronising and in not the same thing at all

Do men call other men ‘love’ ‘darlin’? I don’t think so. Casual sexism, which in turn leads to misogyny.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/25/calling-women-love-endearment-insult

I saw on Twitter the other day that a right-wing think tank had written a paper about how the "modern left" has begun to sneer at the working classes. I didn't bother to read it, but I can't help wondering if this OP is an example of the sort of thing it was getting at.

Maybe when the pandemic is over people will have less time on their hands. Here's hoping.

[quote SarahJane796]Do men call other men ‘love’ ‘darlin’? I don’t think so. Casual sexism, which in turn leads to misogyny.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/25/calling-women-love-endearment-insult[/quote]
Love this from the article, so true

Similarly, “sweetheart”, and “darling” are often used as reminders that a man is letting us off the hook – a threatening “don’t go doing it again, all right, darling?” used by barrow-boy Christian Greys everywhere to establish exactly where we stand in the power dynamic.

It sounds like he was only being kind. Wouldn't bother me at all.

[quote SarahJane796]Do men call other men ‘love’ ‘darlin’? I don’t think so. Casual sexism, which in turn leads to misogyny.
www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/25/calling-women-love-endearment-insult[/quote]
No but they call them mate or fella, or whatever else, in the exact same contexts and nobody ever gets annoyed about it.

Both mate AND darlin' can be used to patronise someone, but in most cases they're just used as informal, friendly terms. It's pretty easy to identify which way they're being used based on the context. For example, "you’ve dropped your card darlin/mate" would clearly (to most people) be someone simply being friendly.

If you won’t call your boss darling, don’t call a strange woman darling, simple.

Honestly if you can't distinguish between someone being condescending and someone being friendly when you drop something, or between talking to someone informally in public and talking to your boss at work, then you obviously have some issues understanding social interaction.

I think it was meant to be friendly rather than anything else.
Where I live you're likely to be called hen,doll or hun.All meant in a friendly way.

So you wouldn’t call your female boss darling but would call a female member of the public darling?

Your decision on whether to call a woman darling or not is based on whether you need to respect her or not.

Better than ‘mate’ or losing your card.

Actually OP, I know what you mean and feel the same way. I don’t think it’s misogynist for me though, just really dislike terms of endearment from men and women equally.

@Cassilis “If you won’t call your boss darling, don’t call a strange woman darling, simple.”

Exactly this! To me it’s so obviously caught up in the power or perceived power between the person saying it and the person they’re saying it to.

@PyongyangKipperbang

WEST Midlander! My formers boss's mum used to call everyone "bab" and she was from the west country side of Birmingham.

East Midlands is "Me Duck" :o

I was waiting for a 'duck' or 'me duck'. I dearly love this form of address, my Kentish nan used to call me it even though I believe it's from the North, Derbyshire and nearby.

Remind me never to do you a favour OP.

My husband is guilty! Women of all ages are 'sweethearts, loves, and darlings', young men are 'sons, my lads, and (cringe), boy's'. However older men (he's in his 70's), are always 'sir'!