Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

YABU 🙄 the context in which this was said was absolutely not rooted in misogyny

I'm just here to validate you, despite a lot of the other replies you've gotten. Maybe it's because i'm a millennial? But I also think that it's low level, subconscious, inherited misogyny where men feel entitled to call us "dear" "love" "darling" as if all women belong to them. I think women have learned to do this as well as a coping strategy, however conscious of subconscious.
But I don't want to get into an argument about it with anyone else here. I'm not a sociologist. Not here to tell anyone whether they should or should not do a thing, or why they do a thing... literally just came here to validate the OP and to say that I would have felt exactly the same way.

I hate it. My mum always has too. I'm surprised that most people don't!

men feel entitled to call us "dear" "love" "darling" as if all women belong to them.

💯 agree.

Worth reading through all the dross comments like ‘he was just being friendly’, ‘like it or not’ etc to get to yours 👍

@Besswess88 Totally with you! It’s Patronising, controlling, paternalistic shite. And actually, it IS pretty big fecking fish to fry, particularly when you’ve had a lifetime of it. My stock response to that shit is “I’m fine”, if they persist, hand in their face “stop!”

men feel entitled to call us "dear" "love" "darling" as if all women belong to them

LMAO. Calling someone darling doesn't signify ownership of anything.

Worth reading through all the sensible comments like ‘he was just being friendly’ to remind myself that most people aren't so ridiculous.

For Gods sake get a life. The man was being nice. He could have pocketed your card or just left it . Bet you dont live in the North or Cornwall.

@AjayChe well you would think that Ajay. What are you doing on Mumsnet? Off you trot to Dadsnet.

I think you've misunderstood misogyny but if it bothers you, then it bothers you.

Terms of endearment are fine unless used as a reminder the male could hurt me if they wanted to.

Worth reading through all the sensible comments like ‘he was just being friendly’ to remind myself that most people aren't so ridiculous.

Can’t you think up your own responses instead of stealing mine?

Nope not all.

Is it misogyny? How is it misogynistic?

It’s very common place in various regions to use ‘terms of endearment’ in general everyday spoken language. And also with the older generation.

I absolutely detest this current ‘cancel culture’. Everyone is so offended by everything.

It’s only misogyny if he was using it to put you down, he was just trying to do you a favour and THAT is what you got from it 😖

[quote Cassilis]@AjayChe well you would think that Ajay. What are you doing on Mumsnet? Off you trot to Dadsnet.[/quote]
What are you blabbering on about?

I say darling a lot but mainly to children and there is a difference between darling and darlin’

@Cassilis

Worth reading through all the sensible comments like ‘he was just being friendly’ to remind myself that most people aren't so ridiculous.

Can’t you think up your own responses instead of stealing mine?

Are you 2? 🤣🤣

Whatever, run off to your incel buddies.

@Fembot123 and another incel Fembot. Welcome.

@Cassilis

Whatever, run off to your incel buddies.

Calm down love

[quote Cassilis]@Fembot123 and another incel Fembot. Welcome.[/quote]
🤣🤣🤣 Step away slowly..

Thanks for proving our point on why men call women they don’t know ‘love’.

You can’t with us.

Nope - I don't find it offensive at all. I quite like being called 'love' and 'darlin'... older ladies do it a lot, not just men. I actually feel safer.

When we were on holiday in Cornwall many, many years ago my brother bought an ice-cream {he was about 14 at the time) and when the lady handed it to him (she was about 400 at the time) she said "there you go m' lover"
He's still in therapy...

Get over yourself

One day perhaps, with this attitude, no one will speak to you. Plenty of old folk would be delighted to have sone one talk with them.

I’m saddened reading your post

I do think this kind of complaint detracts from real complaints and is just the type of thing that gets used to discredit women as ‘hysterical’