Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

I think, to make your life nicer, you could focus on the fact that someone took trouble to help you, rather than focus on the part you didn’t like.

You were being done a favour, let that bit impact you as much as the word you don’t like.

Get a life

Fuck me, I’ve seen some bullshit threads over the last few months on here but this one is the winner. The man was helping you out, no big deal. The sooner lockdown is over and people have bigger things to fill their minds, the better...

i'd call it a difference in what is considered acceptable rather than misogyny but it grates on me too..especially when I have a workman in my house and they do it.

In Lincolnshire they call everyone duck, where I live now it's hen. Not misogyny, just a term used for strangers, calling people love/darling is no different

I would think - what a gentleman ☺️

YABU and quite miserable with it

(A bit late to the thread so commenting on stuff from the first couple of pages...🙄)

I’m sorry I just don’t get this. How is it mysoginistic? If He d said “Here you are you old tart” or something I’d say that was a bit uncalled for, but calling someone darling or love... it’s just being friendly isn’t it?
The OP pointed out she’s a southerner... I am too, but now living in the North... not that it makes any difference, because I’d still use the terms myself, before I moved,and definitely have never been offended myself!
(The only thing I found difficult to begin with was complete strangers talking to me in the checkout or whatever, but I’ve lived here long enough that I do it myself, now!)

In a world where we want people to be kind to each other, where is the harm?

and how lovely is that.......

Well where I'm from everyone gets called duck so 😂

@Tanfastic

I wouldn't be offended. Where I'm from everyone is love, my love, darling etc.

Same. I take zero offence at being called love, sweetheart, etc from a Man or WOMAN. People are just being nice Op, pleasant and friendly. They probably don't even think about it. Misogynist?! Oh ffs get over yourself and be grateful the friendly gent was just that and didn't see an opportunity to steal your card.

Looks like you jumped on the bandwagon - and missed...

Nice man, we all use expressions that we were raised on.

I don’t like it either. It always feels to me like the speaker is treating me like a little girl or as someone that they have power over.

And those posters saying that some people just say ‘darling’ ‘hen’ ‘pet’ or whatever as a reflex I don’t buy this. I bet this man manages not to say it when talking to big burly men or to his female boss for example.

YABU darling

I'm with you op, depending on the tone it can come across SO condescending

I love a bit of white van man comment. I like being told I look nice. I like a cheeky comment from a stranger and a beep from a car driving past 😂 Puts a smile on my face lol

@Changemaname1

I’m not sure it’s offensive , could be wrong though . Maybe depends where you are from , am up north everyone is love , darl, darling , pet etc both men and women say it to each other

I’m from Birmingham and we all call each other ‘Bab’

I call everyone darling ... eeekkk I hope I’ve not offended anyone . I think it’s nice but I suppose each to their own .

How sad. He was being nice and using a colloquial friendly term.

Exactly this!

*57browneyes77

Changemaname1

I’m not sure it’s offensive , could be wrong though . Maybe depends where you are from , am up north everyone is love , darl, darling , pet etc both men and women say it to each other

I’m from Birmingham and we all call each other ‘Bab’ grin*

You beat me to it brown eyes I was going to say Bab too... Or "Me Babbie"

I hope I don't upset my customers I always call them, my lovely, darling or thanks to my Daughter " Duck"

Regional, I think. DH was called "me duck" by a workman last week, which alarmed him as it isn't local to us

YABU accept some people are set in their ways and calling you “darling” isn’t condescending in their eyes. Think you need to occupy your time better

Yes YABU, no it's not misogyny.

And no I don't think it's condescending either. It's just friendly and informal. I'm sure if it was a man he'd have said "you dropped your card, mate". Like it or not, some words are used for men and others for women, despite having much the same meaning/purpose.