Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

Someone l work with had a complaint made against him for using the same word. I think it's quite sad when someone is so bothered by what is meant as a term of endearment. He could have picked up your card and ran off with it. Instead he chose to help and that's the thanks he got.

Someone l work with had a complaint made against him for using the same word. I think it's quite sad when someone is so bothered by what is meant as a term of endearment. He could have picked up your card and ran off with it. Instead he chose to help and that's the thanks he got.

I think the problem is it can be about context. A situation as the OP describes wouldn’t really bother me, or if it was someone from an older generation. However a colleague persisting in calling me “love” would piss me off too. It can be used to try and patronise and put someone in their place, especially from a man to a woman. It could also be very creepy and used a sexual way. I can completely understand why your colleague would think it inappropriate in the workplace - after all she has a name does she not?

Not caught up but just saw this.

'But he'd have done that if he'd had said hey Miss, excuse me lady'.

Would anyone ever say hey mister, excuse me gentleman?

To be fair I'm screaming now @Lacucuracha

Everything is offensive these days
I miss the old days and I'm only 35 🤣

@NiceGerbil

Not caught up but just saw this.

'But he'd have done that if he'd had said hey Miss, excuse me lady'.

Would anyone ever say hey mister, excuse me gentleman?

So an I sexually discriminating against you op of in the same scenario I'd called you darlin'? Presumably you're ok with "lovely" cos I use that to both sexes. Or is ok for women you use nay terms but men should stick to "excuse me Madam, if I may be so bold as to address you directly?"

So an I sexually discriminating against you @Lacucuracha if in the same scenario I'd called you darlin'? Presumably you're ok with "lovely" cos I use that to both sexes. Or is it ok for women you use any terms but men should stick to "excuse me Madam, if I may be so bold as to address you directly?

Someone l work with had a complaint made against him for using the same word. I think it's quite sad when someone is so bothered by what is meant as a term of endearment.

So he called a colleague or a customer 'darling'? That is so unprofessional. He wouldn't call a male customer or colleague 'darling'.

He could have picked up your card and ran off with it. Instead he chose to help and that's the thanks he got.

No, he couldn't have. OP could have put a block on the card in minutes.

@SleepingStandingUp

So an I sexually discriminating against you *@Lacucuracha* if in the same scenario I'd called you darlin'? Presumably you're ok with "lovely" cos I use that to both sexes. Or is it ok for women you use any terms but men should stick to "excuse me Madam, if I may be so bold as to address you directly?

I will try to put it in simple terms: if someone doesn't want to be called darling or lovely they are absolutely entitled to ask the person not to call them that, whether they're a man or a woman. If someone else doesn't mind it, that's entirely their prerogative too.

And men do not call other men 'darling' or 'lovely', so they do discriminate against women.

I pretty much call everyone 'darling', indiscriminate of sex, race, age, species...

Sleeping I don't get your answer.

There is no need for the miss or even weirder being called 'lady'.

The language sounds like something out of a golden era Hollywood film!

No one round here talks like that and it sounds even more ludicrous when you put the equivalent male terms in.

'"excuse me Madam, if I may be so bold as to address you directly?'

Excuse me will suffice for both sexes.

I make exceptions obviously for regional vernacular when it's used by both sexes to both sexes.

At least he called you something nice. Where I live people call each other duck 😂😂😂

At least he called you something nice.

Isn't that a matter of opinion? I don't find it 'nice', I find myself interested in why men manage to refrain from saying 'something nice' to other men, in the same way they manage not to wolfwhistle them or say 'Give us a smile, love.'

Grow up.

I will try to put it in simple terms: if someone doesn't want to be called darling or lovely they are absolutely entitled to ask the person not to call them that, whether they're a man or a woman. If someone else doesn't mind it, that's entirely their prerogative too.
And no one has op she must be silent and not have her opinion. The few people who said she should be grateful he wasn't rude have rightly been shut down. But if someone tries to do something helpful but uses a generally acceptable turn of phrase which you personally don't like you you respond by telling him off instead of saying thanks then they're not the one being rude.

And men do not call other men 'darling' or 'lovely', so they do discriminate against women. They discriminate BETWEEN not against.

I find myself interested in why men manage to refrain from saying 'something nice' to other men, in the same way they manage not to wolfwhistle them or say 'Give us a smile, love.'

Precisely what I was trying to get across!

Loads of people call my dh "mates who don't know him from Adam.

Should he be grumpy?

This thread is nuts. Its just a general term that varies throughout the country or depending on where people are from.

I swear some people (mainly women tbh) are looking for things to be offended about.

A lot of people do that, and 'love' or 'dear'. Women as well as men. It means nothing.

@NiceGerbil

Not caught up but just saw this.

'But he'd have done that if he'd had said hey Miss, excuse me lady'.

Would anyone ever say hey mister, excuse me gentleman?

Would have been 'sir'...

I love being called little fluffy names. It's friendly and It feels warm to me

I like it when it is nice words like darling or something
But then I live on a rough estate so I some areas not getting called insulting stuff is a step up 😂

Lol nanny

I watched singing in the rain the other day

'hey mister?' sounds like something from that!

Very funny.

Does sir go with madam?

And lady with gentleman?

But no, no one round here says 'excuse me sir' 🤣🤣🤣

I usually don't take offence when some calls me love (luv), darling or similar. It really depends on who it is though. Yesterday when I was on a walk a man in a van had pulled up on the curb where I was walking and he opened his window as I approached the van and said "it's alright luv, you can just walk past". As if I would walk right past a grubby man with a grin on his face who is blocking my way and calling me luv. I crossed the road and gave him an evil look.

I grew up and live in Newcastle - I'd be far more offended if someone didn't call me "pet" or "love"

Unless it's meant in a patronising or cat calling way, it wouldn't bother me at all