Page 13 | Does this piss you off or AIBU?

Dagnabit · 18/03/2021 11:44

The female nurse who was taking information for my Covid jab called me “sweetheart”. What a bitch....

Aweebawbee · 18/03/2021 11:45

I don't like 'dear', it's taken on quite sarcastic overtones in this neck of the woods. Also 'hun'. Not nice.

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 18/03/2021 11:52

You can't say anything to anyone anymore.
It really is pathetic.

LST · 18/03/2021 11:57

@Dagnabit

The female nurse who was taking information for my Covid jab called me “sweetheart”. What a bitch....

I got called duck by mine and I returned it with a 'thanks duck'

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 18/03/2021 12:00

I don’t think it’s misogyny but I do have being told things I know by strangers!

Like I might drop something that’s not valuable and I’m about to pick it up, when someone has to point it out. Or people who have to tell you that a totally empty pocket of your bag is open - often tapping you on the shoulder to tell you in non COVID times. I know! It’s empty! It doesn’t matter!

Swordfish1 · 18/03/2021 12:22

I'm in the minority too then because I hate it. In any context, except when its my dp saying it to me. I'm not offended by it, but I would roll my eyes.
A complete stranger calling me darlin. Yuk.

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 12:31

@Aweebawbee

I don't like 'dear', it's taken on quite sarcastic overtones in this neck of the woods. Also 'hun'. Not nice.

Hun has taken on a certain... tone... when it's used sarcastically to deride the kind of women who use it. And the derision is always be women to women.

Longroadahead08 · 18/03/2021 12:33

Lighten up OP!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 12:33

@GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing

I don’t think it’s misogyny but I do have being told things I know by strangers!

Like I might drop something that’s not valuable and I’m about to pick it up, when someone has to point it out. Or people who have to tell you that a totally empty pocket of your bag is open - often tapping you on the shoulder to tell you in non COVID times. I know! It’s empty! It doesn’t matter!

Oh god the bastards, trying to alert you to the fact something might have been stolen from your bag or something at the bottom might fall out. The utter shits. Have they got nothing better to do with their lives than try to be helpful? The world would be so much happier if we all ignored everyone and no one ever tried to help anyone unless they were paid for it.

CounsellorTroi · 18/03/2021 12:37

I would rather be called love or darling than madam any day of the week!

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 12:38

@IntermittentParps

Sleeping, the distinction is that 'Mister' can only be used for someone male and 'Miss' only for someone female. There's no real element of choice.

With 'darling' there is a choice, and my issue with it is that IME and IMO men will not tend to use it for other men.

Would he have refused to have told a man that they'd dropped their card? Um, I didn't suggest that, no.

Would he have said anything different bar mate instead? Highly doubtful Well, that's exactly the point isn't it? He wouldn't use 'darling' for a man. By definition that's sexist discrimination.

He wouldn't use Miss for a man so that's sexist discrimination. He wouldn't use Mister for a woman so that's sexist discrimination too.

Posters are acting like her called her a whore or a bitch. I really do feel for people who Equate a polite (she even called him kindly) darlin' to tell you you've dropped something with actual sexual discrimination and misogyny

IntermittentParps · 18/03/2021 13:23

He wouldn't use Miss for a man so that's sexist discrimination. He wouldn't use Mister for a woman so that's sexist discrimination too.
These are titles, not familiar terms or terms of endearment, like darling. That's the difference. I assume you understand that and are being deliberately obtuse.

And even though there were no violent words or actions, calling a woman a name you wouldn't use for a man is is still by definition 'actual sexual discrimination'. It's just it's the casual and insidious kind, easier to brush off and minimise as you and others on here are doing.

SimplyMarvellousDarrrrrrling · 18/03/2021 13:48

@IntermittentParps

He wouldn't use Miss for a man so that's sexist discrimination. He wouldn't use Mister for a woman so that's sexist discrimination too. These are titles, not familiar terms or terms of endearment, like darling. That's the difference. I assume you understand that and are being deliberately obtuse.

And even though there were no violent words or actions, calling a woman a name you wouldn't use for a man is is still by definition 'actual sexual discrimination'. It's just it's the casual and insidious kind, easier to brush off and minimise as you and others on here are doing.

No, we get it. Some of us just don't agree with you I would call a man or woman darling

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 13:53

If we're using discriminate as in to differentiate then he he did differentiate her by her presumed sex by using a female word. But he'd have done that if he'd had said hey Miss, excuse me lady, or when he called his daughter Annabella, a name he'd never have used for his son.

He didn't discriminate against her because he didn't her anymore than he did against a hypothetical daughter called Annabella.

There's no negative treatment here. There's no assumption that only women don't know when they've dropped their bank card. Op herself has said he was a kindly man so he wasn't coming across as patronising or intimidating or condescending or treating her like she's inferior for having dropped a bank card.

There's literally nothing at all except she doesn't like a word that is widely used as a way of getting someone's attention. Like duck or doll or flower or my lover or pet

I give in. Be perpetually offended because a man has dared to speak

SimplyMarvellousDarrrrrrling · 18/03/2021 13:59

Stop being so bloody sensible @SleepingStandingUp 🤣
I'm now offended that you are not offended at the offence that they have taken
😀😜

Lacucuracha · 18/03/2021 14:00

@SleepingStandingUp you are really twisting yourself into knots here.

People like you sit on your arse whilst other women protest and get misogyny labelled a hate crime.

Notadramallama · 18/03/2021 14:08

I'm from the north west and it's really not a thing round here, which is great as I also hate it.

Presumably the man in the op wouldn't have said the same thing to another man?

Nanny0gg · 18/03/2021 14:09

@Besswess88

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

Why is that misogyny?

Nanny0gg · 18/03/2021 14:10

@Notadramallama

I'm from the north west and it's really not a thing round here, which is great as I also hate it.

Presumably the man in the op wouldn't have said the same thing to another man?

Probably would have called him 'Mate'.

Does that make him a misandrist?

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 14:13

@SimplyMarvellousDarrrrrrling

Stop being so bloody sensible *@SleepingStandingUp* 🤣 I'm now offended that you are not offended at the offence that they have taken 😀😜

I was be a bit 🙄 the first-time someone called me "my lover" but more perturbed than offended 😂

SleepingStandingUp · 18/03/2021 14:18

[quote Lacucuracha]@SleepingStandingUp you are really twisting yourself into knots here.

People like you sit on your arse whilst other women protest and get misogyny labelled a hate crime.[/quote]
Or maybe women like me think that screaming sexual discrimination cos he called a woman something non offensive that other women would use to women in exactly the same situation actually takes away from ACTUAL sexual discrimination and misogyny.

MakeMineALarge1 · 18/03/2021 14:20

Jeez.
Is this the biggest thing in your life really?

IntermittentParps · 18/03/2021 14:22

But he'd have done that if he'd had said hey Miss, excuse me lady, or when he called his daughter Annabella, a name he'd never have used for his son.

OK, you are being deliberately obtuse. These are titles/names. That's the difference.
Pointing out casual 'small-scale' sexual discrimination doesn't take away from the 'big stuff'. It's all part of a drip-drip and it's all important.

Loopyloututu2 · 18/03/2021 14:24

I just this morning had this exchange with a builder (shouting from a rooftop):

Builder: morning love, how are you today?
Me: good thanks how are you?
Builder: oh, good thanks - are you enjoying your walk?
Me: oh yes, it’s wonderful being out in the fresh air! (started vigorously striding and swinging my arms)

He then looked at me a bit as he probably had expected me to be a bit grateful and embarrassed that he’d made a fuss about shouting hello in front of about 10 of his builder mates - some of them had the grace to look a bit embarrassed themselves. I had to laugh at how even just a few years back I’d have probably blushed and scurried on but now I take great pleasure in turning it around and watching men like this squirm!
There is a difference between sexist arseholes and men who do a good deed and call you “love” OP - but I do know what you mean. I think it’s more over-familiarity really, and comes from a certain demographic of people (my M.C. friends/neighbours would never call me “love” - I’m W.C. and am more used to it/not offended by it).

Lacucuracha · 18/03/2021 14:37

Or maybe women like me think that screaming sexual discrimination cos he called a woman something non offensive that other women would use to women in exactly the same situation actually takes away from ACTUAL sexual discrimination and misogyny.

No, it really doesn't.

He called her 'darling', when he wouldn't call another man 'darling' If you think otherwise then you'r either incredibly naive or deliberately obtuse.

And no one is screaming