Does this piss you off or AIBU?

[Besswess88]

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

I live in Yorkshire so I’ve very much got used to being called love at this stage by men and women. I would never use it myself and don’t particularly like it but it doesn’t ‘offend’ me.

@Lubiluxe

I worry about the future. People can't say anything at all these days.

Does it take you such a desperate effort not to address passing male strangers, male retail workers, the postman, your plumber, your male next door neighbours, your male coworkers as ‘darling’?

If you don’t regularly do this, or find it an immense effort not to do so, ask yourself why not? Why would it feel peculiar to address your male vicar or male GP as ‘darling’?

I really dislike being called darlin as I feel it's really condescending especially having worked in predominately male jobs. I think its all in the tone of which it's said to be honest and I don't think in this case he was trying to be anything but nice.

I don't mind it and hear it from men and women (Northern) but it grates on me when it's someone much younger than me. I don't let it ruin my day though 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Besswess88

Today in a shop I dropped something out of my pocket at the self service, I knew I had but before I had a chance to pick it up a kindly man behind me said “you’ve dropped your card darlin” (my age, mid forties).

I know in the scheme of things it’s not important but anyone else absolutely hate being called “terms of endearment” by absolute strangers, esp when they are men.

It’s that low level misogyny that just grates on me.

YABU. Where I come from terms of endearment go both ways. Are you middle class by any chance

I do think 'darling' is a bit off when it's men saying it to women, because I suspect they wouldn't say it to another man.

I am also an East Midlander and I love 'duck' because it's completely non-discriminatory: a young woman can say it to an older woman, an older man to a young woman, a young man to an older man...

@IntermittentParps

I do think 'darling' is a bit off when it's men saying it to women, because I suspect they wouldn't say it to another man.

I am also an East Midlander and I love 'duck' because it's completely non-discriminatory: a young woman can say it to an older woman, an older man to a young woman, a young man to an older man...

I agree with this.

I have no issue with love as it is a regional thing, but I really hate darling, or even worse babe which became annoyingly common at one point. Funnily enough I no longer tend to get either now that I am older!! Men would not say this to another man which I think is why it bothers me so much. Mate or pal, the generic greeting for men to other men locally, would be perfectly acceptable.

Fuck sake. Man is nice, woman is offended. Get a real problem

I always call people 'love' and similar. I'm not being misogynistic, it's just the overly-friendly way I was raised. 🤷🏼‍♀️

@Drunkenmonkey

Fuck sake. Man is nice, woman is offended. Get a real problem

Why is it 'nice' to address a total stranger as 'darlin', regardless of the nature of your encounter?

I shouted after a woman on a bike this morning, to warn her that her small child's toy fell out of his hand off the back carrier. It would have been deeply bizarre for me to address her as 'darlin'.

It’s almost like people want to be annoyed at something.
Really? just call him darling back .

The fact is he wouldn't have said "darlin" if it had been a man therefore of course its misogyny! I don't think it's the pointing out that Op is objecting to but the gendered term. And if we keep on saying "there are bigger fish to fry" we're perpetuating misogyny and the patriarchal society that we live in.

I've never understood this issue. Where I live it would be weird to not put love/darlin/pal at the end of a sentence like this. It's just how some people speak. Now if he'd called you sugar tits I'd see your point.

Wouldn't have bothered me. Quite like it to be honest.

Gosh some sour Susans around on this thread aren't there!?

No, OP, YANBU, I hate it too. It's cutesy and annoying - they wouldn't call a man something affectionate without knowing them.

@islockdownoveryet

It’s almost like people want to be annoyed at something. Really? just call him darling back .

I do this. I reply 'Thank you, sweetheart' or 'After you, flower petal'. And of course the man on whom I've never laid eyes before looks completely taken aback, because why is a woman who doesn't know him calling him 'sweetheart'.

Those of you who say you call everyone by a term of endearment, do you address your GP as 'sweetheart'? Your child's teacher at a parent-teacher meeting? Your MP? The CEO of your company?

@dramalamma

The fact is he wouldn't have said "darlin" if it had been a man therefore of course its misogyny! I don't think it's the pointing out that Op is objecting to but the gendered term. And if we keep on saying "there are bigger fish to fry" we're perpetuating misogyny and the patriarchal society that we live in.

Exactly. I don't mind mate or pal or buddy or whatever. But darling, honey, sweetheart... they're all very 'aw, the little lady'.

@Milkshake7489

You'd hate it where I live OP, everyone gets called love (unless addressing someone you care for who is younger than you. Then it's 'lovey').

I started dating my husband when I was 17 and his sisters were children. I knew I'd been accepted into his family when his dad started calling me "lovey" as his did all his daughters. I think it was a ploy to avoid saying the wrong child's name.

I am with you OP. “Love” is one that really grates on me too.

I call everyone duck. Same age, older & younger. But I am a woman so is that ok?

Literally everyone? The consultant who's discussing the results of your biopsy with you? Senior management at work? Your child's chemistry teacher?

@Ovine

Literally everyone? The consultant who's discussing the results of your biopsy with you? Senior management at work? Your child's chemistry teacher?

If that was aimed at me. Yes I say duck to everyone. As in that's duck

I just hate being called darling/love etc by anyone who is an absolute stranger (I am southern if it makes any difference).
No it doesnt!

Personally I wouldn't be the slightest bit offended, I just regard it as a friendly short term when you don't know someone's name. It doesn't make me think the person using it regards me as the love of their life because they called me 'Darlin'.
As others have said in the North both men and women are called Love, Sweetheart, Buddy or even Missus!

The Cocker reference which I used hear a lot growing up comes from ' Cock of the Walk' referring to the head rooster in the farmyard strutting around.