Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Orthodontist with reputation asking 13 what her issues with how her teeth look and are... She's blissfully unaware...

204 replies

SpringisSpinning · 17/03/2021 20:35

Dd has an over bite, we've been reffered, waiting list for years but also told the treatment timing is critical, jaw growth.

With covid etc it's been challenging, anyway, finally get her in and have phone appointments etc.

Orthadonrist asking questions about how daughter feels? I say well she's only known what's she's know re teeth and cosmetically she's blissfully unaware of looks etc.

He then asked her this when we saw him... And again the last time "what is your problem with your teeth, what do you hope to achieve... How do you feel about now your teeth look."

He's actually got a reputation for being rude and I'm absolutely furious that instead of simply doing the treatment he's asking these questions.

The reasons I am upset is because dd is very comfortable in her looks, she's not one for pamper parties, make up, nails etc at all.

She's 13 and seems very happy in her skin. She's not into shaving legs etc and seems wonderfully un touched by this media on slaught.

So to couch these questions on looks me.also on terms of looks how she feels now.... And how self conscious she may feel at 16 are vastly different things...

And its not something I want to even talk about because then it sounds like she does have a problem!!

OP posts:
DIshedUp · 17/03/2021 22:44

Plenty of people manage with a major overbite though OP, why is she here? Did you just blindy go along with treatment? Why do you want her to correct her overbite?

Bluntness100 · 17/03/2021 22:44

Op what’s the point in this thread, it’s clear it’s irrelevant to you what the majority think, you’re adamant your right, so just hide the thread and crack on.

GlendaSugarbeanIsJudgingYou · 17/03/2021 22:45

Perhaps the repeated questions are because the Orthodontist is concerned that she doesn't seem to know why she needs treatment in the first place?

She was referred for a reason. Why haven't you spoken to her about it?

LunaHeather · 17/03/2021 22:45

@SpringisSpinning

Luna.. That's the whole thing issue.. It sounds like he's trying to get rid..

Why are you here? To a 13 year old.

She's there because dentist and local orth refeed us to hostisl orth.

That's the whole issue!!

I'm sorry, OP. I find your communication confusing.

His communication sounds a bit strange but it should be easily sorted with a quiet word.

FWIW I do think a 13 year old, if NT, should be able to give a basic explanation. It is worth confirming things because frankly they could be looking at the wrong patient's note.

Original poster
SpringisSpinning · 17/03/2021 22:46

Dished all her close friends are wearing some sort of teeth brace.. Hers is different it impacts her speech quite a bit.
It's normal among her peers.

It's something she thinks she needs to have.

OP posts:
DIshedUp · 17/03/2021 22:46

But why does she think she needs it?

titchy · 17/03/2021 22:47

@SpringisSpinning

Grows but maybe it will...

So why not ask q at first appt then just get into treatment??

Because as you've said there's been a big gap between appointments and they to make sure she remembers that this, probably painful, procedure isn't a magic wand.

Even adults forget what doctors have told them, perfectly reasonable for the ortho to check she still understands, esp given the length of time between appts.

Original poster
SpringisSpinning · 17/03/2021 22:48

She knows her bottom jaw is small.

What else does she need to know! A dentist and local dentist referral orth feel it needs hospital orth to treat.

How much deeper do we need to go?

OP posts:
BaaMooCluckOink · 17/03/2021 22:48

Also no during any treatment they should be asking how you feel about things and keep monitoring progress and patients needs etc. Also it’s very unusual to ask for teeth to be straightened but not mention how they look, he probably forgets that you don’t want him to ask. It’s still probably his duty to ask anyway. At the first one did you specifically tell him not to ask her or did you just say that she was unaware etc because that’s different also.

DIshedUp · 17/03/2021 22:49

Because tbh if I had a 13 year old who seemed to have no idea why they were having orthodontic treatment, who was perfectly happy with their teeth I would question whether I was doing the right thing putting them through uncomfortable treatment, which will require lifelong upkeep

I'd probably want to get the Dd on her own and check that she was happy with how things were progressing, and happy with the treatment. At the end of the day it is also altering her appearance, which some people struggle with.

titchy · 17/03/2021 22:50

@SpringisSpinning

She knows her bottom jaw is small.

What else does she need to know! A dentist and local dentist referral orth feel it needs hospital orth to treat.

How much deeper do we need to go?

Sigh. It's to manage expectation and make sure that expectation continues to be realistic. But hey, clearly every single person on her is wrong and you're right so fill yer boots.
Original poster
SpringisSpinning · 17/03/2021 22:50

It's like saying to child.. Your arm is broken we need a cast
You have appoint and get your cast.

You have follow up to check all is OK. Does person ask about why your there, how do you feel about cast and bone healing, will it you cosmetically.... At every appt?

No you just get the broken bone fixed?

OP posts:
StarCourt · 17/03/2021 22:51

My DD is having her braces on Friday . She's 12 and whilst everything was explained to both of us, she wasn't asked anything other than 'are you happy with that'

MysteriousMonkey · 17/03/2021 22:52

@springisspinning thank you for asking this, my child is very similar and has their first orthodontist appointment next week so now will be able to prepare them for these types of questions. Had I not known I think I'd have been upset too!

titchy · 17/03/2021 22:53

@SpringisSpinning

It's like saying to child.. Your arm is broken we need a cast You have appoint and get your cast.

You have follow up to check all is OK. Does person ask about why your there, how do you feel about cast and bone healing, will it you cosmetically.... At every appt?

No you just get the broken bone fixed?

But she isn't 'broken' is she? So it's nothing like a broken bone which needs immediate treatment.

It's more like a condition that needs surgery at some point but isn't necessary right now.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 17/03/2021 22:53

An overbite is nothing like a broken bone. You don't seem to grasp how normal it is to have an overbite. I'm not surprised the orthodontist is trying to find out why on earth you're there.

DIshedUp · 17/03/2021 22:53

No its not. You can't leave a broken bone needing a cast, you can leave a small jaw. Even if its causing major functional issues you can leave it, all orthodontic treatment is a personal choice.

I would expect if I had treatment for say a broken bone the surgeon to ask questions like how is your arm doing, are you happy with your progress, do you have any concerns etc. I would expect them to check in at follow ups.

saraclara · 17/03/2021 22:53

@Restlessinthenorth

He is professionally obliged to ask these questions and listen to the replies from your daughters perspective. Not yours. She is old enough to give informed consent for this procedure. It would be ethically unacceptable for him not to have this kind of conversation with her before carrying out the procedure
Exactly. There's absolutely nothing wrong with those questions and everything right.
Original poster
SpringisSpinning · 17/03/2021 22:54

Asking at first appt fine, I understand that but at each subsequent appt?

I've got another dd who is very sensitive to her looks! She wouldn't like this at all

OP posts:
unim · 17/03/2021 22:55

Sorry but if none of you think it is a problem, then why would she be getting it done at all? Of course it's reasonable to ask.

Also it seems like a good way to get an idea of her feelings about it all (for example if she didn't want the treatment) and to sanity-check expectations about what is realistically achievable through treatment.

bellie710 · 17/03/2021 22:55

My DD currently has braces, before we started any treatment we had to answer all these questions, there is a limited amount of funding and if they think you are doing it for the wrong reasons they are less likely to fund it. Also the child has to be completely committed to the treatment not just the parents.

luxxlisbon · 17/03/2021 22:55

@SpringisSpinning

It's like saying to child.. Your arm is broken we need a cast You have appoint and get your cast.

You have follow up to check all is OK. Does person ask about why your there, how do you feel about cast and bone healing, will it you cosmetically.... At every appt?

No you just get the broken bone fixed?

So you don’t think a 13 year old should be asked her how arm feels while in a cast? They shouldn’t be checked up on at appointments? “How are you feeling since last time?” “Do you feel you have any more movement?” “Does the cast feel okay to you?”

Talking to the patient is a vital part of treating anything, I’ve no idea why you are against that.

She’s 13, not 3.

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 17/03/2021 22:55

These questions are fine.

You're being OTT.

Her treatment clearly has options and her opinion is being sought. That's fine.

titchy · 17/03/2021 22:56

@SpringisSpinning

Asking at first appt fine, I understand that but at each subsequent appt?

I've got another dd who is very sensitive to her looks! She wouldn't like this at all

Yes because people forget from one appt to the next.
HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 17/03/2021 22:56

Midwives asked about my c section scar at all appointments. I'm not scarred for life (metaphorically at least).