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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think #Allmen has backfired big time in the younger generation?

176 replies

katieloves · 17/03/2021 18:14

Since #Allmen started doing the rounds on Instagram at the weekend, DCs secondary school has become a battle of the sexes. Boys are being screamed at by the girls, called rapists, told they’re sexist if the don’t post #allmen on their Instagram. The worst I’ve heard about is a boy being told he should commit suicide by a group of girls (this is now being investigated). This isn’t just at my dcs school, there’s been reports of girls shouting abuse at boys in parks and on the streets around here.
AIBU to think we’ve gone in too hard and should have been educating our dc, not telling them that all men are abusers which is what they seem to have heard.

OP posts:
ekidmxcl · 17/03/2021 21:46

I am also sorry to say that I do not actually understand what men as a group could have done to prevent the murder of Sarah Everard. She was murdered by a sick fuck, there were no other men there or other people there. The man did it because he is a sick fuck.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 21:52

My ds, who has not even reached the stage of being interested in girls, was asked what he had to say for himself. Quite aggressive IMO and he had no idea what to say.

By whom?

LolaSmiles · 17/03/2021 22:11

ekidmxcl
If you are new to considering systemic oppression and how that links to male pattern violence ce against women then it might be worth reading around the topic.

Pumperthepumper · 17/03/2021 22:17

@ekidmxcl

I am also sorry to say that I do not actually understand what men as a group could have done to prevent the murder of Sarah Everard. She was murdered by a sick fuck, there were no other men there or other people there. The man did it because he is a sick fuck.
Here’s a really good article for you, Luke Hart’s interview is excellent, I think.

www.google.co.uk/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/society/2021/mar/17/the-time-for-men-to-step-up-is-right-now-what-all-men-can-do-to-help-end-violence-against-women

FamilyOfAliens · 17/03/2021 22:19

@ekidmxcl

I am also sorry to say that I do not actually understand what men as a group could have done to prevent the murder of Sarah Everard. She was murdered by a sick fuck, there were no other men there or other people there. The man did it because he is a sick fuck.
As lola said, have a read around the subject so that you understand it’s not about you or your DS or random groups of men who weren’t present when a woman was murdered. Try to think a little more deeply about this.
Original poster
katieloves · 18/03/2021 07:36

This is one of the comments on my local neighbourhood group. I don’t have my dcs Instagram on my phone so can’t screenshot them.

To think #Allmen has backfired big time in the younger generation?
OP posts:
Usagi12 · 18/03/2021 07:40

Another thing that's not happening, jog on love.

poppycat10 · 18/03/2021 07:41

[quote katieloves]@Turtleturtle81 do you have teens yourself? This has unfortunately become a thing.[/quote]
It's just the usual social media virtue signalling. Happened with the BLM black squares too. DS didn't do it, so he "must" be a racist. He ignored the jibes. I wouldn't do it either, it was pointless. Similarly I wouldn't start posting things about #allmen on my social media either. I had a friend have a bit of a rant about the curfew thing but when I talked to him about it when we were out for a run together, he got where women were coming from. It's actually better to talk to men, rather than post nonsense on social media.

AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 07:42

OK, so not actually abuse. A nonspecific report of abuse. We don't actually know what was said or why it was said.

But we do know that the girls were "loud-mouthed" and that the young man was smartly dressed. Hmm

ProfYaffle · 18/03/2021 07:46

2 teens here - not a thing.

Original poster
katieloves · 18/03/2021 07:47

@AlexaShutUp so the above is alright then? That’s acceptable to you?

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 07:48

It's interesting that your OP was about teens on instagram, but your only example was from an adult's post on a different forum.

FamilyOfAliens · 18/03/2021 07:48

But we do know that the girls were "loud-mouthed" and that the young man was smartly dressed.

Quite.

AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 07:52

That’s acceptable to you?

I don't know what was said. If the girls were shouting unprovoked abuse at the boy, then no, it was not acceptable, but frankly, I am unsure how reliable the witness was. There is a clear misogynist flavour to his/her posting style so it's hard to tell.

Original poster
katieloves · 18/03/2021 07:54

@AlexaShutUp if the same thing was written about a group of boys shouting at a girl would you have dismissed it in the same way?

OP posts:
EnjoyingTheSilence · 18/03/2021 07:56

@katieloves it’s a shame that people don’t step in, as you say, when women are abused when doing something as simple as walking through a park. All day, every day.

Reading about the experiences of women over the last few days has been quite traumatic. It’s made me remember far too many incidents of my own, some more serious than others but all totally unacceptable.

Original poster
katieloves · 18/03/2021 07:57

And why are you so focused on what he was wearing?

OP posts:
FamilyOfAliens · 18/03/2021 07:57

@katieloves

And why are you so focused on what he was wearing?
Because your screenshot mentions it as if it’s relevant.
AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 07:59

if the same thing was written about a group of boys shouting at a girl would you have dismissed it in the same way?

I would want to know what was said and why before making any judgments. Especially if there was a very clear bias coming across if the style of the post.

I do wonder why an adult bystander would not intervene in this situation. Very strange to just stand and watch.

FamilyOfAliens · 18/03/2021 08:00

But they would have intervened, if only ...

AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 08:01

And why are you so focused on what he was wearing?

Because the fact that your witness (was it you?) thinks that the way he was dressed is relevant is very telling.

Fatladyslim · 18/03/2021 08:04

[quote katieloves]@AlexaShutUp if the same thing was written about a group of boys shouting at a girl would you have dismissed it in the same way?[/quote]
Well it has been for generations soooo.... If this was the other way round I doubt it would even have been posted about. Unless as a reccomendation that the girls should walk in pairs or not wear such short skirts.

LolaSmiles · 18/03/2021 08:05

It's interesting that your OP was about teens on instagram, but your only example was from an adult's post on a different forum
I thought the same, also in a neighbourhood group so unlike to be searchable (vs all these teens using a hashtag all over instagram) just after posters have challenged the idea that this happens everywhere.

Nonetheless, I do find it a shame that hope the adult witness to such a apparently nasty act of bullying didn't actually do anything and instead decided it was fine to obseve a child being threatened, insulted and abused. This adult witness says they would have stepped in had they not gone different ways at the end of the path, but it's really concerning to me that they saw a child being victimised, did nothing, and yet went on Facebook about it.

I wonder if they reported this incident to the school with descriptions of the smartly dressed boy and the loud mouthed/quiet girls, outlining the details of the attack and the location so the school can investigate. I doubt it somehow.

AlexaShutUp · 18/03/2021 08:08

Yes, @LolaSmiles, I can't imagine just watching and doing nothing....unless I wasn't actually close enough to hear what was said and fully understand what was going on.

YouLikeTheBadOnesToo · 18/03/2021 08:10

@katieloves

This is one of the comments on my local neighbourhood group. I don’t have my dcs Instagram on my phone so can’t screenshot them.
So this is obviously unacceptable. However there are absolutely no details about what was said, so how have you made the link from this to the all men hashtag?

I do question the reliability of the statement though, given the obvious bias of the person who wrote it. ‘Loud-mouthed’ (negative connotations) ‘smartly dressed’ (positive). It seems to me that the preconceived ideas of the person, may have influenced how they viewed what they saw.