I despair

[Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel]

Just when you think it can't get worse...yes it's the DM, if you don't like the DM don't click. I am at a loss to how this creature thought it was a, funny and b, fine to share. When normal people are sickened and horrified by this beautiful young womans life being taken. Hope they get sacked and never find another job. Bastard.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9369547/Cop-Sarah-Everard-crime-scene-sent-vile-parody-Highway-Code-seven-officers.html

@OrraBoralis

You are hell bent on making false assumptions and misinterpretations of my posts.

You've accused me of "diminishing" a joke about a dead woman. You've accused me of "seeming to think what he did was OK". You've accused me of saying he should be forgiven.

Not once - not once on this thread - have I said anything remotely close to any of the above. In fact I've expressed the opposite, numerous times.

However, what seems to being going on here is that, because I've also defended those who received the message as not being instantly to blame, I'm now by default "defending" him.

If people can't read and can't understand what I'm saying (which I've explained more than enough times now), I'm afraid that's on them not me.

LucieStarr, I don't think you can see this rationally because you're so directly affected, or your partner is.

I'll use another example - councils. They are universally known (by those who work within them) as 'knocking shops'. You'd think everybody was having an affair. Some are, some aren't - but the organisation is tarred with that unlovely brush. The employees aren't - not until they prove themselves otherwise (to people who DON'T work there).

It's about the organisation, not about the people as such but the CULTURE of the organisation that your partner works in is deeply misogynistic and this particular incident has caused outrage because it's disgusting. There's no need for you to take up the baton because nobody is saying that your partner is responsible or that he is misogynistic. The organisation he works for though, absolutely is. He has a choice to work there or not - it's vocational for some and they know that there will be a proportion of abusive members of the public, that's the job - like traffic wardens.

You need to read the posts again but without putting your own personal slant on this because it really isn't about your partner. And I'm sorry, but you are making it all about you and what you think. I doubt it's doing you any favours either, it's obviously upsetting you.

Take a step back.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

LucieStarr, I don't think you can see this rationally because you're so directly affected, or your partner is.

I'll use another example - councils. They are universally known (by those who work within them) as 'knocking shops'. You'd think everybody was having an affair. Some are, some aren't - but the organisation is tarred with that unlovely brush. The employees aren't - not until they prove themselves otherwise (to people who DON'T work there).

It's about the organisation, not about the people as such but the CULTURE of the organisation that your partner works in is deeply misogynistic and this particular incident has caused outrage because it's disgusting. There's no need for you to take up the baton because nobody is saying that your partner is responsible or that he is misogynistic. The organisation he works for though, absolutely is. He has a choice to work there or not - it's vocational for some and they know that there will be a proportion of abusive members of the public, that's the job - like traffic wardens.

You need to read the posts again but without putting your own personal slant on this because it really isn't about your partner. And I'm sorry, but you are making it all about you and what you think. I doubt it's doing you any favours either, it's obviously upsetting you.

Take a step back.

Thank you for a thoughtful and respectful post. Yes I see all of this, and I understand. And you are right - it's a deeply personal issue for me.

I accept all of what you're saying.

What I'm struggling to continue accepting on this thread however, are others' (seemingly deliberate at this point as I've explained multiple times) misinterpretations of what I'm saying.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

To be accused of diminishing a joke about a dead woman, for example, was particularly hurtful.

I just can't understand with all the media coverage of this recently that NO one I've heard speaking in tv radio on women's safety and freedoms has brought up the elephant in the room.

PORN and the normalisation of hard core porn on the internet.

Until this is tackled and controlled I fear nothing will change.

@whenwillthemadnessend

I just can't understand with all the media coverage of this recently that NO one I've heard speaking in tv radio on women's safety and freedoms has brought up the elephant in the room.

PORN and the normalisation of hard core porn on the internet.

Until this is tackled and controlled I fear nothing will change.

There’s a good thread on the go just now called ‘Why are men so angry’ that’s worth a read.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4192785-AIBU-to-wonder-why-men-are-so-angry

LucieStar was that the 'young and in training' comment? Because if so, I can absolutely see why that has caused annoyance.

There is no point at which a person has been inducted into the force, got the uniform - and can still be considered, for the purposes of this horrible incident - young and in training.

Young and in training to me means that they will not have had many of the experiences that more seasoned officers have and they will make 'rookie' mistakes. But this, any acceptance of this has nothing at all to do with training and it's unforgiveable whatever age the officer was.

I bet your partner wouldn't do that. Wouldn't have done it when he was young and in training either - not once.

Try to look at it from the perspective of this being all about the organisation, the police force - a huge, powerful and misogynistic organisation that whilst charged with looking after women - does not. On a grand scale. That doesn't mean that officers within its force do not, they do. I know very many great coppers out there, they do a brilliant job - but the organisation they have elected to work in does not support them in being brilliant because the organisation itself if highly corrupt.

There are so many nice 'apples' out there, sharing a uniform with rotten ones.

Pick any large organisation and it will be similar - but the police has a far greater mandate and reach, that's the difference.

Any acceptance or excusing in any way, shape or form about a dead woman is inexcusable, unconsionable - and it will cause anger. That's what's happened. I've come onto the thread late and I can see what you mean but I can also understand and appreciate the posters that you've disagreed with because they are not wrong. You're just reading and talking at cross-purposes.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe

I honestly can't explain that comment for a fourth time.

Please read back and you will see its original context which I've repeatedly explained.

It was in NO way an attempt to excuse his actions.

You're just reading and talking at cross-purposes.

I think we can agree on this.

He's 22 and a probationary officer - that means he was brand new pretty much. Of course he misjudged his audience.

Surely when you’re new to a job and on probation you’re on your best bloody behaviour?!

@Sexnotgender

He's 22 and a probationary officer - that means he was brand new pretty much. Of course he misjudged his audience.

Surely when you’re new to a job and on probation you’re on your best bloody behaviour?!

🤦🏼‍♀️ Oh. My. God.

Again.

A pp made a comment earlier on, to the effect that he obviously felt his "audience", ie the 7 recipients of this message, would be accepting of this message; that it was evidence of the misogyny in the police force. I felt personally that the implication here was that, simply by virtue of being his colleagues, they had encouraged or condoned this in some way. When the reality is, if they were truly just as bad as him, they'd not have bothered reporting it. It's possible they were fucking appalled, and he was just an arsehole who'd have sent such messages in any context, to anyone.

PP said she found it hard to believe he had misjudged his entire audience of 7 people.

I responded by saying I think it's in fact completely possible that he's misjudged his entire audience, given his age and the fact he's new to the role. I think it's possible he stupidly thought "they'll all find this hilarious", because he's new to the profession and knows actually very little about his colleagues and what they would and wouldn't be happy to tolerate. As it turns out, he discovered they wouldn't tolerate it.

Hence my comments about his age and newness to the role; and hence my comments saying "I think it's entirely possible he misjudged his audience".

In summary - and for the avoidance of doubt: he's clearly a disgusting idiot and he deserves extremely harsh consequences (and not a very bright disgusting idiot at that, since he misjudged his colleagues as being equally as warped in the head as he is - when in fact, he discovers that they aren't, because they called him out instantly on it).

Please. Can people read my comments in this context?

Again for the avoidance of doubt:

He is abhorrent and deserves to be called out on his behaviour.

@Sexnotgender agreed.

The force said the officer is a probationer, meaning he had started his service recently with Britain’s biggest force and gone through screening supposed to ensure candidates are suitable to carry out the range of sensitive duties officers are expected to

They need to check their screening process. I'm not saying all Police are like this, that would be ridiculous but it's not uncommon to read about such incidents from the people trusted to protect. Those that reported him were as disgusted by it I should imagine.

@Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel

I apologise for the derailing!

I hope my last post once and for all makes my position clear so my comments can now be read in their intended context.

@LucieStar no need to apologize

I'm sure someone will be along shortly to tell you it's one bad apple

Yes, it's one (or a few) bad apples. No need to tarnish the whole police force because of these incidents

Whilst there may be many excellent officers it really isn't one bad apple. This article references the "boys club" which protects abusive officers.

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/oct/20/domestic-abuse-within-police-force-to-be-investigated?

There were the officers who took selfies with two murder victims last year.
There is this case of an officer sharing a disgusting meme with colleagues.
The officer charged with Sarah's murder was reported for indecent exposure just days before he abducted Sarah, nothing was done.
A woman reported a case of indecent exposure as she made her way home, after attending the vigil on Saturday, nothing was done.
A police officer in Bradford has been charged with rape.

Ok cool...

@FOJN

Whilst there may be many excellent officers it really isn't one bad apple. This article references the "boys club" which protects abusive officers.

www.theguardian.com/society/2019/oct/20/domestic-abuse-within-police-force-to-be-investigated?

There were the officers who took selfies with two murder victims last year.
There is this case of an officer sharing a disgusting meme with colleagues.
The officer charged with Sarah's murder was reported for indecent exposure just days before he abducted Sarah, nothing was done.
A woman reported a case of indecent exposure as she made her way home, after attending the vigil on Saturday, nothing was done.
A police officer in Bradford has been charged with rape.

That is a really interesting article. So many bad apples, it’s not just a coincidence. There’s either a reason these type of men are drawn to the Police force, or there’s a culture within that force that allows it to thrive. Or both.

@LucieStar I feel the same as you! People are extremely quick to tar an entire professional body (or any group for that matter!) with bad press, because they've heard bad things about some of them, or had a bad personal experience from one of them!

My daughter is a police officer...a very dedicated one (in a particularly difficult and challenging area of policing!) and risks her life most days with what she does, so I get incredibly upset reading some of these comments. If you could see what she does, day in day out, and see the level of professionalism she deploys in horrific situations, you might just think twice before tarnishing an entire force!

[quote YouAreYourBestThing]@LucieStar I feel the same as you! People are extremely quick to tar an entire professional body (or any group for that matter!) with bad press, because they've heard bad things about some of them, or had a bad personal experience from one of them!

My daughter is a police officer...a very dedicated one (in a particularly difficult and challenging area of policing!) and risks her life most days with what she does, so I get incredibly upset reading some of these comments. If you could see what she does, day in day out, and see the level of professionalism she deploys in horrific situations, you might just think twice before tarnishing an entire force! [/quote]
So everyone should just continue to ignore the rude misogyny in the police force forever? Did you read that article above?

*rife

[quote YouAreYourBestThing]@LucieStar I feel the same as you! People are extremely quick to tar an entire professional body (or any group for that matter!) with bad press, because they've heard bad things about some of them, or had a bad personal experience from one of them!

My daughter is a police officer...a very dedicated one (in a particularly difficult and challenging area of policing!) and risks her life most days with what she does, so I get incredibly upset reading some of these comments. If you could see what she does, day in day out, and see the level of professionalism she deploys in horrific situations, you might just think twice before tarnishing an entire force! [/quote]

for your brave daughter.

It's a thankless job. Many do their best.