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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

I despair

164 replies

Anotherlovelybitofsquirrel · 17/03/2021 07:52

Just when you think it can't get worse...yes it's the DM, if you don't like the DM don't click. I am at a loss to how this creature thought it was a, funny and b, fine to share. When normal people are sickened and horrified by this beautiful young womans life being taken. Hope they get sacked and never find another job. Bastard.

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-9369547/Cop-Sarah-Everard-crime-scene-sent-vile-parody-Highway-Code-seven-officers.html

OP posts:
billy1966 · 17/03/2021 10:28

Shocking. But heartening that it was colleagues that reported it.

The photos by the bodies of those poor women is utterly disgraceful.

I do believe that should be career ending.
Empathy is so important when dealing with victims of crime, with such an absence, he is not fit for purpose.

Is that a crime? If not, it should be.
A complete violation of those two poor women IMO.

Louiselady500 · 17/03/2021 10:28

Nobody is saying you can’t express disgust but you don’t have to put down and blame a whole profession of people in the process

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:28

F*or the record I am not saying his actions were understandable because he was young and inexperienced.

This comment has been removed from the context of the discussion that preceded it.

You can see this context in my last message I'm not repeating it*

NormanStangerson · 17/03/2021 10:29

I'll leave you to your police bashing thread. Enjoy

@LucieStar you’ve been very defensive about your own comments being taken out of context so I’d thank you not to suggest I have partaken in ‘police bashing’, when I have not.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:30

You seem to think what he did was ok because he was young, I think it was terrible and we as parents should be teaching our sons to respect women not give the 'boys' a free pass because they are boys.

Are too actually kidding me?!!'

Have you read the context of my comments at all!!?

Fuck me the gaslighting on this thread

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:31

@NormanStangerson

I'll leave you to your police bashing thread. Enjoy

@LucieStar you’ve been very defensive about your own comments being taken out of context so I’d thank you not to suggest I have partaken in ‘police bashing’, when I have not.

Apologies - not you personally.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:32

@NormanStangerson

I meant "you" collectively - not you personally. I apologise about how that came across.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 17/03/2021 10:33

You know when kids moan when they can't have their phones with them, everywhere, everywhen? In lessons in school, church, dinner table etc.

You know when young adults just HAVE to document every moment of their lives to make it matter?

This, and the other similar cases, shows just why many employers have no personal phone policies. Why, with all the other comms kit they have, do police officers cary their phones with them all the time? It really isn't a human bleeding right to have one at al times!

The choice to do smething like this beggars belief! Same as the other one mentioned in that article. Who does that? That and those who film tragedy rather than help. WHY?

FOJN · 17/03/2021 10:34

Another poster claimed that his "audience" had clearly given him the impression it was acceptable to send the message; thereby evidencing the misogyny of the police force. She said it wasn't possible he had "misjudged" his audience.

Entire audience whilst we're correcting out of context comments and accusing others of gaslighting.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:37

I mean a quick read of all my (numerous) posts shows you that I've referred to this person as

A vile individual
A complete knob
Absolutely disgusting

That's just a few.

Yet someone pops on and reads a few decontextualised comments and accuses me of "excusing" this abhorrent behaviour.

MN at its finest!

MrsMackesy · 17/03/2021 10:37

This thread is not all about you or your partner, @LucieStar - all your many posts are coming across as crass and insensitive now.

Pumperthepumper · 17/03/2021 10:37

I have a few friends who are police officers and they would agree that misogyny is rife within the force. What they personally do to stop it though, I have no idea.

GettingUntrapped · 17/03/2021 10:39

Yes, why is he still working? Jesus Christ - wake up women!!!

requitalissima · 17/03/2021 10:40

Humanity has for some time been on the path of seeking the lowest common denominator as accepted gold standard and actively bred out noble characteristics deemed elite.
Result - lowbrow, crude, unintelligent and emotionally stunted populace.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:44

@MrsMackesy

This thread is not all about you or your partner, *@LucieStar* - all your many posts are coming across as crass and insensitive now.

It might not be about me and my partner. It's not about any of us who have posted, let's face it. It's about a young lady who lost her life and her family.

But when my partner faces abuse on most shifts because of stuff like this, forgive me if I'm just sick of generic police bashing statements everywhere recently.

I apologise if anyone things I'm being crass or insensitive. I'm actually in floods of tears typing this. I can assure I'm neither of those things under normal circumstances. I'm just very upset.

sticktomygun · 17/03/2021 10:44

Good point about the phones.

I once saw a several police cars stop another car. Normal stop they put the woman in the van and appeared to be waiting for the vehicle to be towed. But when I looked down ( I was in a higher floor) I saw that several.of the officers were standing around waiting watching pornography on their phones WHILE THE WOMAN WAS RIGHT THERE.

I felt actually sick for her so I tried to get more details so I could report it but the angle was wrong.

in my view there was sexually assaulting her by exposing her to sexual content that she didn't consent to you while she was actually in the process of being arrested.

I don't care about your singular anecdotes about your friends and family and the police officers you know being nice.

sticktomygun · 17/03/2021 10:45

police as a profession need to do better.

OrraBoralis · 17/03/2021 10:54

@LucieStar

You *@LucieStar* are also diminishing this. You say he misjudged his audience, he is young and new at the job. I would be absolutely horrified if my son thought that making fun of a dead woman was acceptable.

Wrong.

Read back for the context of that particular comment I made.

Another poster claimed that his "audience" had clearly given him the impression it was acceptable to send the message; thereby evidencing the misogyny of the police force. She said it wasn't possible he had "misjudged" his audience.

I argued that it was entirely possible given his age and inexperience- therefore his actions cannot be attributable to others' seemingly giving him permission to do what he did.

Context of my comments, please.

@LucieStar I have read all your comments. You stated he misjudged his audience and another poster said that all police are misogyistic bastards so I will go mid way. Most everyone is inherently good.
LucieStar · 17/03/2021 10:58

You stated he misjudged his audience

Yes but not with the intention of excusing his behaviour! To make the point that it's entirely possible he was a total knob who thought his comments would be hilarious - with nothing from his "audience" to have encouraged or condoned this.

You can't see how that's me defending the recipients of the message? As opposed to in any way shape or form defending him? If not then I don't know how to make that any clearer.

I don't wish to derail anymore or be described as "crass" or "insensitive" so ... as you were.

SnappedAndFarted18 · 17/03/2021 11:00

@sticktomygun

Somehow...! Somehow! someone always an excuse for these types of people.

'He was young and in training.'

What utter fucking bullshit.

I'm sorry if some of you are offended but he is factually a male policeman officer so I think people are allowed to think that his job and his sex have some bearing on how he has been socialised that think this is acceptable in a professional settings.

'My husband/brother/cousin would never do something like this, he thinks it's disgusting.'

Half the women on here didn't manage to notice their husband having affairs behind their back, I'd be surprised if most of them knew what their partners were like out of earshot at work.

I can't stand 'my John would never' mentality which puts conversations back into a space we were have to argue that these attitudes exist before we can even begin to tackle them to stop women and any vulnerable person being victimised by barely trained morons.

The man's a piece of shit who made fun over the kidnap and murder of a young innocent woman. Whilst on duty, being paid by the taxpayer.

The meme was an instruction manual on how to kidnap and murder a woman, a step-by-step guide that someone had created

Is that what the police are paid to do?

Because one of them is alleged to have done that in Sarah's case and it seems that more male police officers that it's would be amusing in some way to do this.

Why is he still working? Why desk duty and not immediate termination for promoting violence against women?

We need to take a good long look at policing standards in this country, the way some officers treat people they see as lower than them is disgusting.

How many reports have been sent to IPOC on this case alone for procedural failing? At my last count it was seven.

This is not one lone moron.

If 'members of the force' actually care about the public reputation of policing they should pull their fingers out and refuse to allow this institutional attiude to continue to flourish.

Set an example of what it means to be a decent police officer with some morals.

^ this with bells on ^ !! Couldn’t have put it better myself !! I feel so sad for Sarah’s poor family not only are they going through the trauma of losing their loved one they then have to wake up to this splashed all over the news, it’s terrible I really hope this prick is sacked & his vile actions haunt him for the rest of his life
LucieStar · 17/03/2021 11:02

@LucieStar

You stated he misjudged his audience

Yes but not with the intention of excusing his behaviour! To make the point that it's entirely possible he was a total knob who thought his comments would be hilarious - with nothing from his "audience" to have encouraged or condoned this.

You can't see how that's me defending the recipients of the message? As opposed to in any way shape or form defending him? If not then I don't know how to make that any clearer.

I don't wish to derail anymore or be described as "crass" or "insensitive" so ... as you were.

In other words (if this makes it any clearer):

My point was

"His audience do not deserve to be tarred earn the brush of having encouraged him or giving the message they would find it hilarious - thus he misjudged them, as they were far better people than he realised"

As opposed to:

"Oh come on guys give him a break, he's young; he misjudged his audience...."

You surely see the difference??

PurpleBiro21 · 17/03/2021 11:04

@LucieStar out of interest, what do you think should happen to this man?
What should the consequences be?

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 11:06

@OrraBoralis

I note despite me explaining quite clearly what I meant, you don't think I deserve an apology for being falsely accused of "diminishing" a joke about a dead woman.

And yet I have personally offered two apologies on this thread thus far to other posters who felt I was wrong.

That's interesting.

LucieStar · 17/03/2021 11:07

[quote PurpleBiro21]@LucieStar out of interest, what do you think should happen to this man?
What should the consequences be?[/quote]

I think he should be severely disciplined and chucked out of the police force! Even prosecuted! I don't know if what he did constitutes an offence but it fucking should.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 17/03/2021 11:11

It's utterly terrifying that anybody thought this would be amusing and accepted in the workplace - not even specifically a police officer who is tasked with protecting women particularly.

It's disgusting. I haven't clicked the link but I really hope that 'officer' is imprisoned. No decent person would feel as he felt entitled to. I too would be horrified if my child so easily dismissed this behaviour as 'funny', it's abhorrent.

I agree that the police force (and other establishments) demonstrate and practice systemic misogyny as if it were the norm... it's absolutely shocking.

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