To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

[quote LucieStar]@Lovelydiscusfish

Oh I see what you mean now. I thought you were saying you'd be less hurt by him cheating, but you're saying it would be a more plausible scenario for him. Sorry - misunderstood. [/quote]
Yes. I mean, maybe this is a bit of a silly statement from me, thinking about it, because in practical terms of course he could much more easily find some porn to watch on his phone, whereas if he wanted to cheat he would have to find someone to do it with him, set up the opportunity etc..... So maybe porn is more likely due to the quick ease of access.

What I meant really is that he just seems more anti-porn than anti-cheating, and I don’t know why he would pretend this to be the case if it wasn’t true......

It's ridiculous to suggest that ALL men watch porn. Some will obviously have strong reasons not to (against it for personal/ethical/religious reasons, low sex drive in general, just doesn't do it for them, etc etc). But most do, and several lie about it to their partners, if they know they wouldn't approve. Therefore some women who are 100% sure their male partners don't watch porn are wrong, just as some women who are 100% sure their partners would never cheat on them turn out to be wrong. Some of the posters on this thread saying their husband/boyfriend definitely doesn't watch porn might be among the percentage of women who are wrong, but almost certainly not all of them.

That said, I don't think it's the same as saying "how can you be sure your partner doesn't secretly go badger baiting/buy expensive watches/love chocolate when he claims to hate it" etc. Sex is a fundamental instinct for most people and there's a strong taboo around discussing it completely openly - lots of people aren't comfortable sharing certain fantasies even with their partners, for example - that doesn't exist for the other things. In fact we're almost encouraged to lie about sex in many situations, if only by omission (your colleagues don't want to hear a graphic description of your last wank), in a way that would be totally weird if we did it for something like food preferences. So not really comparable IMO.

@psychomath

It's ridiculous to suggest that ALL men watch porn. Some will obviously have strong reasons not to (against it for personal/ethical/religious reasons, low sex drive in general, just doesn't do it for them, etc etc). But most do, and several lie about it to their partners, if they know they wouldn't approve. Therefore some women who are 100% sure their male partners don't watch porn are wrong, just as some women who are 100% sure their partners would never cheat on them turn out to be wrong. Some of the posters on this thread saying their husband/boyfriend definitely doesn't watch porn might be among the percentage of women who are wrong, but almost certainly not all of them.

That said, I don't think it's the same as saying "how can you be sure your partner doesn't secretly go badger baiting/buy expensive watches/love chocolate when he claims to hate it" etc. Sex is a fundamental instinct for most people and there's a strong taboo around discussing it completely openly - lots of people aren't comfortable sharing certain fantasies even with their partners, for example - that doesn't exist for the other things. In fact we're almost encouraged to lie about sex in many situations, if only by omission (your colleagues don't want to hear a graphic description of your last wank), in a way that would be totally weird if we did it for something like food preferences. So not really comparable IMO.

Well, the badger-baiting comparison was mine, and on reflection I do agree it was a silly one. My partner used to know some people who went baiting (as did my dad - one of dad’s friends possibly went to prison for it in fact, tho this was long ago so I may be making this up!) so it wouldn’t be entirely an implausible thing for either of them to have done (except that it’s awful and they aren’t ) but I agree, if he wanted to go baiting he would have to do quite a bit to organise it, AND give me a convincing cover story (not hard as I don’t expect to know where he is every hour of the day, but there would still be some thought involved), and b) just take loads more steps to do it, like hooking up with old acquaintances, travelling to a suitable place, etc. Plus we don’t even have a dog.....

Whereas obviously with porn he could, in a moment of weakness, just make a couple of clicks on his phone and there it would be.....

Still don’t think he does, tho. And that’s not me being insanely naive - when you have been married and divorced as many times as I have, you take EVERYTHING that is said to you with a pinch of salt. My balance of probability is still that he doesn’t. I would plausibly believe he did other bad shit, like having a ONS behind my back, sooner than that. Not because porn use is the most heinous moral crime known to man (it isn’t that, tho it still ain’t great!). Just because of what I (think I) know of him.......

@psychomath

It's ridiculous to suggest that ALL men watch porn. Some will obviously have strong reasons not to (against it for personal/ethical/religious reasons, low sex drive in general, just doesn't do it for them, etc etc). But most do, and several lie about it to their partners, if they know they wouldn't approve. Therefore some women who are 100% sure their male partners don't watch porn are wrong, just as some women who are 100% sure their partners would never cheat on them turn out to be wrong. Some of the posters on this thread saying their husband/boyfriend definitely doesn't watch porn might be among the percentage of women who are wrong, but almost certainly not all of them.

That said, I don't think it's the same as saying "how can you be sure your partner doesn't secretly go badger baiting/buy expensive watches/love chocolate when he claims to hate it" etc. Sex is a fundamental instinct for most people and there's a strong taboo around discussing it completely openly - lots of people aren't comfortable sharing certain fantasies even with their partners, for example - that doesn't exist for the other things. In fact we're almost encouraged to lie about sex in many situations, if only by omission (your colleagues don't want to hear a graphic description of your last wank), in a way that would be totally weird if we did it for something like food preferences. So not really comparable IMO.

Yes i agree

And as i said upthread my dh hasn’t access to porn, if he did have access maybe he’d watch it...dunno, not really discussed it

And i know he has watched porn in the past

I think most do at some point though probably not all that many use it on the regularly.

Few times a month/few times a year territory I'd imagine.

Same with women though I'd hasten to add.

I do find it pretty ick when men add someone they have no mutual friends of / 1 mutual friends solely because they find that person attractive.

I've had it happen and it just makes me feel quite yuk to be honest.

I think there is a far cry from someone who watches porn a few times a year to someone who does it most days and adds random females on Facebook though.

@psychomath

It's ridiculous to suggest that ALL men watch porn. Some will obviously have strong reasons not to (against it for personal/ethical/religious reasons, low sex drive in general, just doesn't do it for them, etc etc). But most do, and several lie about it to their partners, if they know they wouldn't approve. Therefore some women who are 100% sure their male partners don't watch porn are wrong, just as some women who are 100% sure their partners would never cheat on them turn out to be wrong. Some of the posters on this thread saying their husband/boyfriend definitely doesn't watch porn might be among the percentage of women who are wrong, but almost certainly not all of them.

That said, I don't think it's the same as saying "how can you be sure your partner doesn't secretly go badger baiting/buy expensive watches/love chocolate when he claims to hate it" etc. Sex is a fundamental instinct for most people and there's a strong taboo around discussing it completely openly - lots of people aren't comfortable sharing certain fantasies even with their partners, for example - that doesn't exist for the other things. In fact we're almost encouraged to lie about sex in many situations, if only by omission (your colleagues don't want to hear a graphic description of your last wank), in a way that would be totally weird if we did it for something like food preferences. So not really comparable IMO.

Agreed.

There are two kinds of porn. The Abusive kind that has all the nasty, horrible aspects to it that has been mentioned, and we are all aware of that.

Then there is consensual porn between people where the abuse and nastiness often seen in the industry has no part in it. Most notably home made porn. Their is both a dark and a light side to it, as with pretty much everything in life. To each their own is what I say. If you are OK with it, then great. If you are not, then also great.

@VaryCherry

There are two kinds of porn. The Abusive kind that has all the nasty, horrible aspects to it that has been mentioned, and we are all aware of that.

Then there is consensual porn between people where the abuse and nastiness often seen in the industry has no part in it. Most notably home made porn. Their is both a dark and a light side to it, as with pretty much everything in life. To each their own is what I say. If you are OK with it, then great. If you are not, then also great.

You see the issue is, that consensual and home made porn is often actually drugged women, addicts normally, doing it for their next fix.

There is no such thing as harmless porn.

In these discussions, there seems to be an assumption that porn = videos of people having sex.

Which would mean something equivalent to page 3 wasn't porn: an odd conclusion.

@activitythree

Have you got a source for that ridiculous statement?

Absolutely 100 percent I can guarantee you there is porn out there where noone was forced to do anything and which is positive for all involved.

@Nicknacky

Those that say that their partner doesn’t, how can you possibly know for certain?

They might say they don’t, but you can’t know with all certainty that they don’t.

I have free access to his phone, and he wouldn't know how to clear his browsing history

Mind, maybe he's too old now anyway.

Never bothered with magazines back in the day either

Have you got a source for that ridiculous statement?

Ah. No. Of course not. A badly worded post.

Absolutely 100 percent I can guarantee you there is porn out there where noone was forced to do anything and which is positive for all involved.

Yes, of course there is. The point I was trying to make is that the average consumer doesn't know which is which. I mean there is no safe way to 'choose' what to watch. You can't log on and know for sure that those 2 adults are consenting, haven't been coerced, fed drugs etc etc. Hell, some of them you can't even tell their age. So yes, the statement I made was ridiculous, but the point I was tying to put across wasn't.

@TomPinch

In these discussions, there seems to be an assumption that porn = videos of people having sex.

Which would mean something equivalent to page 3 wasn't porn: an odd conclusion.

The thread title is about watching porn. That's probably where the assumption comes from.

@mumoftinyterrors

Sitting here with my OH. He just said every bloke watches porn whether or not they admit it to you. Sorry to burst your bubble.

Has it ever occurred to you that your OH tells you this to normalise the fact that he is getting his rocks off to images of women being raped, drugged and trafficked? Because of course now you can't question it as it's totally normal and all men do it.

Why is it you automatically trust your OH is telling the truth, but we must assume our partners are lying?

Even the PP who said her husband worked policing Internet crimes and had been traumatised. Or the one whose OH's family member's rape had ended up on mainstream porn. Do you really believe these men MUST be lying because your partner says so?

I just asked my dh and he laughed saying men who say they dont watch it are lying as nearly every single bloke does

He sounds delightful flowers and wrong. He says "almost" all men, so why say that some are lying when they say they don't? If it's not "all" then by definition some will be telling the truth when they say they don't. Why does this seem to threaten some people so much?

I assume the majority of men use pornography.

a smaller proportion of women and less frequently I’m guessing.

@Flowers24

I just asked my dh and he laughed saying men who say they dont watch it are lying as nearly every single bloke does

and your husband is a reliable source for statistical information how?

My husband says he thinks its only the very rough end of the scale, abusive weirdos and Tory ministers who use it regularly; normal men don't. I don't necessarily think he is an expert on the subject though.

@knittingaddict

He sounds delightful flowers and wrong. He says "almost" all men, so why say that some are lying when they say they don't? If it's not "all" then by definition some will be telling the truth when they say they don't. Why does this seem to threaten some people so much?

I assume some people feel threatened because the only reason they accept their partner's porn use is because they have convinced themselves that it's normal and that every man watches porn. If they accept that some men aren't interested in porn maybe it makes them feel bad that their own partner does like porn.

I dont think its simple of yes or no. Maybe they haven't yet but they will...or maybe they have occasionally but not really...doubt anyones husband has NEVER looked while in a long term relationship.

@LampsOn

Ha! I love how some people don't think their DH watches porn. They do. And no, it's not a big deal.

🙄

I’ve had partners who did and those who definitely didn’t. It’s sad that it’s just accepted as inevitable. I’m sure almost every man in western society has seen it, doesn’t mean they all regularly choose to watch it.

And yes, there’s plenty wrong with the porn industry, some men know this and don’t want to consume it. Just like some men genuinely don’t want to go to lap dancing clubs.

I'm more concerned about people rooting through their partners phone than people watching porn.

DP says he watches it very occasionally, have no reason to disbelieve. Plus wouldn't bother me if he watched more.

@ChristmasAlone

I'm more concerned about people rooting through their partners phone than people watching porn.

DP says he watches it very occasionally, have no reason to disbelieve. Plus wouldn't bother me if he watched more.

Really? I mean, agreed, stalking you OH’s internet history isn’t great (and I would hate anyone actually doing this to me).

But, to all of you who don’t mind your partners watching porn, are you genuinely fine with the fact that your fella is potentially getting his rocks off watching a woman who is being raped? And if so, why? How and why is this ok with you?

Or do you believe the porn industry is ethical, or summat?

Or that sex-workers don’t count?

Absolutely do not get it......

@Lovelydiscusfish I think I was relaxed about it until I found out this stuff. I don’t know why I was so naive about the exploitation. I believed that it was better policed by companies. How wrong I was! I could never look at it again and neither can my dh. I think people honestly don’t realise

[quote Midtowngirl]@Lovelydiscusfish I think I was relaxed about it until I found out this stuff. I don’t know why I was so naive about the exploitation. I believed that it was better policed by companies. How wrong I was! I could never look at it again and neither can my dh. I think people honestly don’t realise[/quote]
Well, yes, to be fair, that was me too. In my younger years I didn’t know much about it, so I had no problem with it.......