To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

I know because I know my DH, we have been together for 26 years, and when we met (he was 22) he had never watched porn, he thinks it is horrible and abusive.
So I know this about him just as he knows my feelings on this too.

I have never checked his phone or computer, that would be ridiculous.

The fact of the matter is that nobody can ever truly know. They can suspect their partner doesn’t watch porn, but they can never be sure.

Private browsing is so easy to turn on and off that you just wouldn’t know if they were using it or not. You also don’t know their true feelings on the matter or whether they’re just telling you what you want to hear.

@emilyfrost. As I mentioned above, we had whole ‘on the same page’ discussions on it after a couple of documentaries— next day it’s watched whilst I’m out— I have totally lost my faith in large amounts of men (even the feminist metrosexuals) to be remotely honest or upfront when it comes to sleaze of any kind.

I don’t think having a sexually gratifying relationship/s has anything to do with watching porn

Either you like it or you don’t some couples watch it together others don’t

People still masturbate when in a sexually fulfilling relationship for some even more so

I do know his true feelings on the matter because he told me before he know what I thought.
I don’t understand why it is so hard to accept that you can know your DH well enough to know this . If I said my DH hated chocolate, there wouldn’t be page after page of people telling me he must secretly be wolfing bars of Galaxy and hiding the wrappers...
My DH is also very straightforward about things generally, he doesn’t lie.

I think the vast majority do although I’m sure there are some who don’t. I also think many women who think their partners don’t are wrong and just don’t know about it.

My DH does. I always assumed he did and had no issue with it. But only very recently did he mention it so I now know for sure. Would never have known otherwise..... no evidence or times where I’ve known.

I wonder if people are sure their partners don’t watch porn because they control their partners enough to know this information. How else would one be sure? ‘Definitely doesn’t ‘ because you definitely keep a tab on his internet history.

It’s that strange phenomenon called trust and honesty. A no secrets relationship. You don’t need to search their internet use; you could if you wanted, you simply don’t need to. You don’t need to check their texts because you have trust. It’s very liberating to be open.

I suspect like me, many of the ‘I know’ people have occasionally and randomly seen their spouse’s Internet use when looking for things like a restaurant they’d mentioned or a holiday you’d been looking at. I suspect they’ve sometimes looked for a phone number or a message from a friend with supper details. They may have looked for a picture to use on an ID card. It’s not checking up, it’s not searching for evidence of seediness, it’s living along side each other in a trusting partnership.

I wonder if people are sure their partners don’t watch porn because they control their partners enough to know this information. How else would one be sure? ‘Definitely doesn’t ‘ because you definitely keep a tab on his internet history

I dont check his phone or computer

His work do though and it turns out he is much more afraid of losing his job than he is of me seeing anything dodgy

Dh gives me his phone to play with if he is getting a coffee in a cafe

Not now obviously 😩

I wonder if people are sure their partners don’t watch porn because they control their partners enough to know this information. How else would one be sure? ‘Definitely doesn’t ‘ because you definitely keep a tab on his internet history.

Otherwise how else would you know?

I don't touch my husband's phone. I don't keep track of anything he does online.

I trust him on all sorts of issues that I don't have 100% foolproof evidence to back up. I am sure that he isn't cheating on me for example. Am I deluded to believe he isn't?

If he breaks my trust then that is on him, but until he gives me a reason to doubt my trust in him I will continue to do so.

"

also if u have access to your partners phone and Internet use and scan it enough to be "sure" they don't watch porn -you have serious issues beyond porn use..
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I said this point above because several people commented that they had access to their partners phone and laptop and thats how they "knew" they weren't watching it.

I believe my partner when he tells me he doesn’t watch porn. Just like I believe that he doesn’t go badger-baiting at weekends. Or pretend to be at work and actually run around murdering people.

I could be wrong about any and all of these things - of course, logically, I could.

Consuming porn would be higher on the scale of evil than the badger-baiting for me (not the wanking while thinking of other people thing - he is free to wank his heart out and think of whoever/whatever he likes, and would be if his heart were in my hand - my objection to porn use is solely because I deem the porn industry monstrously abusive). Probably not worse than murder. But it’s up there.

No we will never know anybody else, absolutely. But would any of you be saying “those of you who think your partner never goes badger baiting are FOOLING YOURSELVES?” No?

if it was widely shown consistently in surveys that the majority of men went badger baiting and the baiting industry was clearly enormous because of the vast amount of men who were into it then yes.. I would probably have similar thoughts

I don't know a man who doesn't watch porn from time to time. I'm sure their are men who don't though. But I'd say the majority do. I don't care about it as long as it doesn't impact on their sexual relationship with me.

@Pancake4life

if it was widely shown consistently in surveys that the majority of men went badger baiting and the baiting industry was clearly enormous because of the vast amount of men who were into it then yes.. I would probably have similar thoughts

It’s all contextual tho, isn’t it? DP comes from a background whereby he might plausibly go badger-baiting. But doesn’t (I believe). Because he is not an amoral cunt. (I believe - obviously it is possible I am wrong). 🤷‍♀️

The really sad thing running through this post is the amount of women who are saying it's ok as long as it doesn't impact them

What about the people it does impact? Do you all not care so long as your OH still gives you your share?

No we will never know anybody else, absolutely. But would any of you be saying “those of you who think your partner never goes badger baiting are FOOLING YOURSELVES?” No?

Right, no,

Because badger baiting takes one out of the house for lengths of time, requires equipment, etc.

Porn use can be done anywhere the user feels like it, takes minutes, and is easily compartmentalised in many people’s heads (like buying cheap clothing, battery farm eggs or palm oil), and hidden / done privately. Very easily.

I know many men will say oh I’m not into porn I don’t like how women are treated in the porn industry i find that a turn off (though much of what is uploaded and watched is home videos) etc and no doubt a few are telling the truth

But I think more use this line to gain trust and once further into a relationship don’t want to admit they lied

YABU

I feel quite sad that there are so many on this thread who actually believe that anyone who knows their partner doesn't watch porn must somehow be delusional.

@dotdashdashdash

I don't know a man who doesn't watch porn from time to time. I'm sure their are men who don't though. But I'd say the majority do. I don't care about it as long as it doesn't impact on their sexual relationship with me.

Gosh, you must have some oversharey conversations with your friends and acquaintances.

@OhWhyNot

I know many men will say oh I’m not into porn I don’t like how women are treated in the porn industry i find that a turn off (though much of what is uploaded and watched is home videos) etc and no doubt a few are telling the truth

But I think more use this line to gain trust and once further into a relationship don’t want to admit they lied

I wouldn't lie about my opinions on a subject to 'gain trust'.

Isn't dating the time to see if you are compatible and if you can live with any incompatibilities that are there are before committing?

I have no doubt that some men do lie, maybe a lot of them, but it is such an arsehole move to pretend you are against porn to gain trust.

If it ever turns out that I was wrong about my husband the lies would be the main reason our marriage would end. We have had many conversations throughout the years about porn and feminist issues and if he has been using porn then he isn't who I think he is, or who he claims to be.

And that would be shame on him, for being a massive liar, not me.

U2HasTheEdge maybe I should have used the word impress I think that fits better

That’s you I don’t believe most men are thinking that way when they first meet a women who they are really attracted to I think they are too consumed by the idea of having sex with her

Not "all" but I'd certainly think probably most.

@OhWhyNot

I know many men will say oh I’m not into porn I don’t like how women are treated in the porn industry i find that a turn off (though much of what is uploaded and watched is home videos) etc and no doubt a few are telling the truth

But I think more use this line to gain trust and once further into a relationship don’t want to admit they lied

How much further? Thirty years? Very cynical.