To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

[quote RevolvingPivot]@activitythree no I believe you believe what you're being told [/quote]

I do believe what my husband tells me. In all aspects of our lives. It's called trust. Something we have built on over 20 years, so please, don't presume to be more knowledgeable than I am about my own life partner.

What exactly is the point in courting opinions if the response to posters saying "my partner doesn't" is "yes he does, don't be so naive". It's circular logic.

Also, we don't work on a Q&A situation where I question him and he has to give the right answers. It's generally just intelligent and informed discussions that lead me to believe what he is saying.

A statement that 'all' of any group of people do a certain thing (aside from physiological stuff like breathing) is ipso facto false and unreasonable.

The vast majority of men, with access (smart phones, laptops, tablets), dabble in porn watching. Every single man I've had conversations with about it has. As do I, even when I'm having amazing sex, I still really enjoy a bit of me time !

@activitythree

Also, we don't work on a Q&A situation where I question him and he has to give the right answers. It's generally just intelligent and informed discussions that lead me to believe what he is saying.

Oh my God. Totally this. I'm actually aghast at the widespread presumption that two adult people in a committed and intimate relationship can't have an open, honest and adult conversation without one of those people lying.

How depressing to think that a huge load of women truly believe that the default position is for men to lie.

Oh my God. Totally this. I'm actually aghast at the widespread presumption that two adult people in a committed and intimate relationship can't have an open, honest and adult conversation without one of those people lying.

How depressing to think that a huge load of women truly believe that the default position is for men to lie.

***

The default position for men IS to lie... if they think their wife will leave them or seriously disagree with them watching it. Of course some men really aren't interested in porn, but I'm sure many are also lying or at least minimising a bit- if this is the case.

@rainbowdaz

Oh my God. Totally this. I'm actually aghast at the widespread presumption that two adult people in a committed and intimate relationship can't have an open, honest and adult conversation without one of those people lying.

How depressing to think that a huge load of women truly believe that the default position is for men to lie.

***

The default position for men IS to lie... if they think their wife will leave them or seriously disagree with them watching it. Of course some men really aren't interested in porn, but I'm sure many are also lying or at least minimising a bit- if this is the case.

I am genuinely sorry that you believe this. I would find it very hard not being able to trust my husband to be honest with me.

This guy doesn't. He is hot too. Maybe men who don't watch porn are hotter.

All men
All men
Nothing like a sweeping statement to get mn hot under the collar

I am genuinely sorry that you believe this. I would find it very hard not being able to trust my husband to be honest with me.

The point is - men will often lie IF they think their partner will leave them, or have a huge issue with their watching porn.

So there are vast swathes of partnerships where there is no need to lie, because no one party holds a strong opinion either way.

Or no need to lie, because no-one’s asking specific questions around porn use, out of privacy, or absolute lack of interest. So no lying.

There have been a few posters come on this thread to say ‘I was absolutely sure my DH didn’t, but I just asked him, and he’s sheepishly admitted he does’.

Sexuality is often a private thing, and there can be a lot of shame and opprobrium around it, so people keep it secret. And it’s very, very easy to keep it secret.

@rainbowdaz

Oh my God. Totally this. I'm actually aghast at the widespread presumption that two adult people in a committed and intimate relationship can't have an open, honest and adult conversation without one of those people lying.

How depressing to think that a huge load of women truly believe that the default position is for men to lie.

***

The default position for men IS to lie... if they think their wife will leave them or seriously disagree with them watching it. Of course some men really aren't interested in porn, but I'm sure many are also lying or at least minimising a bit- if this is the case.

I agree with @BeagleEagle actually. I am really sorry that your interactions with men have left you feeling like you can't trust any man not to lie to you. That's incredibly sad.

I don't think there's any point in continuing to debate with you as clearly you've had some trauma that has caused this deep mistrust of the entire male sex. We are just never going to agree as I believe some men can be trusted. You're saying all men can't. It's an unbridgeable divide.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I am genuinely sorry that you believe this. I would find it very hard not being able to trust my husband to be honest with me.

The point is - men will often lie IF they think their partner will leave them, or have a huge issue with their watching porn.

So there are vast swathes of partnerships where there is no need to lie, because no one party holds a strong opinion either way.

Or no need to lie, because no-one’s asking specific questions around porn use, out of privacy, or absolute lack of interest. So no lying.

There have been a few posters come on this thread to say ‘I was absolutely sure my DH didn’t, but I just asked him, and he’s sheepishly admitted he does’.

Sexuality is often a private thing, and there can be a lot of shame and opprobrium around it, so people keep it secret. And it’s very, very easy to keep it secret.

In the end of the day, porn usage is a sexual boundary. Some couples have them and some don't. Nobody NEEDS to lie because if they don't agree with the boundary then they shouldn't get involved in the relationship.

Lying about adherence to a sexual boundary is a form of infidelity. That doesn't mean the relationship is doomed but it means the person doing the lying is in the wrong, and the person being lied to has been wronged. If you think your partner would leave you if they knew the truth, you are in the wrong.

It is NOT the 'default position' for men to lie - that is a very sexist view to hold, and we need to hold our male partners to a higher standard than to assume they're lying to our faces then scampering off to the bathroom for a quick trip to pornhub. The foundation of a good relationship is honesty.

Even if it were true that most straight men were lying to their partners, it's not on women to accept it and move on, it's on men to address that shitty behaviour. Why do we have to just become cool with behaviour that we're uncomfortable with because the alternative is being deceived? I have no interest in being the 'cool girl' and I trust my man to be honest with me. That shouldn't be controversial

DH doesn't routinely. I guess there may have been the odd rare occasion but I don't know. Neither does he routinely wank. The odd occasion when away from me.
He has been this way throughout the 32 years we have been together. It wasn't readily accessible back then so I guess he never got in the habit.

Incidentally I would have no huge issue with him doing either. There were many occasions when the kids were small that I told him to masturbate more and be less frustrated. He doesn't like it he says. I am sure I do it more than him!

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I am genuinely sorry that you believe this. I would find it very hard not being able to trust my husband to be honest with me.

The point is - men will often lie IF they think their partner will leave them, or have a huge issue with their watching porn.

So there are vast swathes of partnerships where there is no need to lie, because no one party holds a strong opinion either way.

Or no need to lie, because no-one’s asking specific questions around porn use, out of privacy, or absolute lack of interest. So no lying.

There have been a few posters come on this thread to say ‘I was absolutely sure my DH didn’t, but I just asked him, and he’s sheepishly admitted he does’.

Sexuality is often a private thing, and there can be a lot of shame and opprobrium around it, so people keep it secret. And it’s very, very easy to keep it secret.

There is ONE poster who said her husband sheepishly admits he does when she thought he didn't. But she'd never asked before.

There are are several women on here, not loads, but several, who say that they know their partner doesn't watch porn. Some of these women have given bloody good reasons why that might be.

One whose partner lectures on the negative impacts of porn. Another whose husband works in policing Internet crimes. Another whose family member's rape was posted onto mainstream porn websites.

And all those people are repeatedly being told that their partners are lying. Which I think is hugely unlikely to be honest.

On top of that, a few people have said their partners don't for ethical reasons. Again they are told that their partners are lying. Not that they might be lying. That they DEFINITELY are.

Once again I am astonished that you all think so little of men that it is beyond comprehension to you that some have read about trafficking and drugging and abuse and rape and decided they want no part of it.

You're saying no man could EVER take that ethical view. They are incapable. Why do you think that?

I have just asked my OH about this AGAIN (he now thinks I'm off my rocker, but I have explained about this thread so he doesn't think I'm just interrogating him).

He basically said: "I was honest with you when I told you I used it and nothing bad happened, so why would I suddenly start lying?" He's adamant that he hasn't watched porn for a few years now and that he's telling the truth.

He also said he wouldn't lie about porn to avoid me getting cross. Firstly because he doesn't think I WOULD get cross (although he said I would be disappointed. And he is right). But secondly he said even if I would get cross he wouldn't lie about it.

Apparently he tells me the truth about things that make me cross all the time () and he doesn't see why this would be different.

A THOUSAND times this from @BeagleEagle

"In the end of the day, porn usage is a sexual boundary. Some couples have them and some don't. Nobody NEEDS to lie because if they don't agree with the boundary then they shouldn't get involved in the relationship.

Lying about adherence to a sexual boundary is a form of infidelity. That doesn't mean the relationship is doomed but it means the person doing the lying is in the wrong, and the person being lied to has been wronged. If you think your partner would leave you if they knew the truth, you are in the wrong.

It is NOT the 'default position' for men to lie - that is a very sexist view to hold, and we need to hold our male partners to a higher standard than to assume they're lying to our faces then scampering off to the bathroom for a quick trip to pornhub. The foundation of a good relationship is honesty.

Even if it were true that most straight men were lying to their partners, it's not on women to accept it and move on, it's on men to address that shitty behaviour. Why do we have to just become cool with behaviour that we're uncomfortable with because the alternative is being deceived? I have no interest in being the 'cool girl' and I trust my man to be honest with me. That shouldn't be controversial"

Again - you’re missing my point. I’m not saying all men, or even most men, lie to their partners.

My DH doesn’t lie to me about it, because I don’t ask him about it. What he wants to do in his private time is up to him.

I doubt he uses porn very much at all - as I said upthread, I’m not sure exactly when he would. But - I do think he probably does from time to time.

He doesn’t lie to me about it, because, as I say, I don’t ask.

I’m sure there are many, many, many relationships like this.

So quite categorically - no - all men, or even most men probably don’t lie.

Where there is a chance that some men might lie, is where they don’t want to risk the outcomes of telling the truth. And because their porn use (albeit possibly entirely infrequently) is entirely compartmentalised, and nothing to do with their relationship. Because they’d prefer it to be kept private. Because they risk opprobrium and shame. And because keeping it secret is so very easy to do.

Nobody can deny that this last paragraph isn’t true, even if it doesn’t apply to your DH.

@23PissOffAvenueWF

Again - you’re missing my point. I’m not saying all men, or even most men, lie to their partners.

My DH doesn’t lie to me about it, because I don’t ask him about it. What he wants to do in his private time is up to him.

I doubt he uses porn very much at all - as I said upthread, I’m not sure exactly when he would. But - I do think he probably does from time to time.

He doesn’t lie to me about it, because, as I say, I don’t ask.

I’m sure there are many, many, many relationships like this.

So quite categorically - no - all men, or even most men probably don’t lie.

Where there is a chance that some men might lie, is where they don’t want to risk the outcomes of telling the truth. And because their porn use (albeit possibly entirely infrequently) is entirely compartmentalised, and nothing to do with their relationship. Because they’d prefer it to be kept private. Because they risk opprobrium and shame. And because keeping it secret is so very easy to do.

Nobody can deny that this last paragraph isn’t true, even if it doesn’t apply to your DH.

In all fairness, I don't think anyone denied that some men might lie. Thing is you're changing the goalposts now as you said the following:

"The default position for men IS to lie."

That's a quote. That is incorrect.

I didn’t say that @BeagleEagle - are you sure you’re not confusing me with someone else?

Our home broadband has adult content filter as do our contract sim cards, we can't remove them as you need a credit card to do so, neither of us has one. My partner isn't good with phones doubt he could bypass the filter, so no one in this house can watch porn even if they wanted to.

So yes, I can say with near certainty that my partner doesn't watch porn and I'm certainly not "deluded".

@23PissOffAvenueWF

I didn’t say that *@BeagleEagle* - are you sure you’re not confusing me with someone else?

Aha, you're right. Apologies.

All good.

I think there's lots of very naive wives on here 😂😂

@23PissOffAvenueWF If you see the post from the lovely whiteshark just after yours, that's what I'm arguing against, rather than that some men MIGHT lie which yeah, is probably true. But if that's the case then they need to address the fact that they're breaching their wives' trust.