To think that all men watch porn even when in a sexually gratifying relationship ?

[pedestalpony]

Possibly done to death but do they or at least the majority and if so are you ok with it ?
No real back story but have reason to believe that my bf does now and again ... mainly through presumption of women he follows on Facebook ... first six pictures etc.
I know he also games with many men and women throughout the world through that platform so he has many' friends' from that..
He doesn't like or comment on the women's posts but they show up now and again on the six profile pics of his friends on Facebook .
Am I being a prude/ presumptuous / overthinking .

No my DH doesn't watch it. He has more respect for women.

@DedlyMedally

For the women who are against porn for Schrödinger's abuse reasons, would you be more comfortable if your partner's paid a woman on OnlyFans directly for her self-produced content?

Not one person as that’s too intimate but if there was a website where you could guarantee everyone wanted to be on it, was no exploitation etc I would be okay with dh watching that. It’s not about jealousy for me, it’s about the things some of those poor women and men may have been through and are going through. How is that entertaining

@Pancake4life

without scrolling back through every post has anyone actually said all men do? I think everyone has only said most do

No they haven’t

But strangely some posters know for a FACT that random men they don’t know are absolutely completely and utterly watching it

Its quite the talent 😀

Im happy for everyone to believe what they want

The people who seem so sure their partners are not watching it, how do you know ?

@Daffodilwall

I know my DP does, as do I from time to time. I would only watch it via a certain website where you know that the person is consenting/profits fairly from their work - it rhymes with lonelyflans & you pay a subscription.. I have requested that he do the same as I would wholeheartedly rather he subscribed to someone than potentially aiding in supporting the big sites that are notoriously problematic for lack of consent and trafficking. I don’t consider it inherently cheating, nor disrespectful to women.

I honestly don’t think that in a secure relationship porn is a problem in itself. It only becomes that way when it fuels an addiction, or starts replacing sex/distorting your idea of what sex is but that’s not inevitable.

And to answer your question OP, I do think most men probably do yes. The vast majority of my male friends and friends partners all do. The only ones that say they don’t are the men who are with friends of mine that are very insecure and controlling regarding it - so I suspect them of bending the truth somewhat.

I just do not believe you can ever stop a person (man or woman!) from doing something that they don’t deem as harmful, in their own home, when you can’t catch them doing it - no matter what you try to say to persuade. I know I would just do it in secret if my partner had something to say, because I’m entitled to explore my own sexuality and he isn’t the thought police - flame me if you wish!

Love this post, spot on.

And you don’t think that some of the men who don’t watch it, for a variety of reasons from finding it fake, through to ethical reasons perhaps don’t shout it very loud because they don’t want their dimwit mates laughing at them?

And if their mates do find out (and how odd to just be chatting about watching videos of people fucking - really unless you’re raising issues with it), I’m sure it gets pinned on the “insecure and controlling” female partner like the person above. Surely the only reason that men wouldn’t consume porn is because their partner is controlling. FFS.

“Hilarious” male banter can be merciless.
My brother attempted suicide, with one of the final triggers being the battering he got as “banter” from work colleagues.

So if you’re listening to the “all men, watch porn” stuff, probably think about how many men are trying to seem ultra masculine in front of their mates and how many are getting a verbal battering and called “a pussy” for not consuming porn.

I spend my life being so disappointed in men, almost endlessly.
And when some of them take it upon themselves to do something good or decent, they must be lying according to MN. Aye right, sure.

[quote Pancake4life]@JustDespair you wonder why I use my voice and not accept lies .. ermm.. because thats how everyone should be??[/quote]
You're not "not accepting lies". You are calling men you haven't met liars when in reality, you have no idea of their lives. Some couples don't lie to each other about anything. Is that really so hard to believe?

All men who have an interest in sex watch porn at least occasionally.
Men with low libido may not.
All men will tell their partners they don't, if they think or know their partners don't approve.
I don't suppose people share their fantasies during sex either if it doesn't involve their SO!

And as for platforms like OF being free from abuse and exploitation HAHAHA! Dream on.

And regarding other porn, if there was a fairly high % chance that the next porn video you click on features people who have been trafficked and raped, would you still click it?
Which % would you feel comfortable with?

@DedlyMedally

For the women who are against porn for Schrödinger's abuse reasons, would you be more comfortable if your partner's paid a woman on OnlyFans directly for her self-produced content?

Was about to bring this up! Unpopular opinion but I think some women who oppose porn just hate it because their partner wanks to it. We all still consume other things which are exploitative, but they shout the loudest about porn.

Btw I do agree regarding ethical issues on tube sites, but some of you are complete unreasonable. A sex worker could personally tell you she loves her job and you'd still insist she's exploited

My DH definitely doesn’t and I find it odd that he doesn’t tbh 🤣

DH does sometimes. I don't mind. We've also watched it together before. He isn't into gaming or anything else and isn't on social media and has never been.

I'm a man and I don't watch it. I used to for years and it became a habit that was essentially a waste of time. Since I stopped it I haven't had any real urge to go back to it.

Was about to bring this up! Unpopular opinion but I think some women who oppose porn just hate it because their partner wanks to it. We all still consume other things which are exploitative, but they shout the loudest about porn.

Do you really think that little about the intellect of women?
You think we couldn’t possibly have an issue with something unless our partners knock one out to it?

@DedlyMedally

For the women who are against porn for Schrödinger's abuse reasons, would you be more comfortable if your partner's paid a woman on OnlyFans directly for her self-produced content?

If you are asking if i object to my husband potentially looking at a naked woman, then no, I actually don't have an issue with that at all.

OF doesn't offer guarantee that the porn sites don't though. There is still the potential for abuse, non consensual activity, rape and more often than not, drugs.

I’m pretty sure dh doesn’t. He’s hopeless with tech for a start. He’s got a crappy old iPad permanently lying around. Maybe he does but I would be very surprised.

Did you even read what I wrote? Take a breather and actually read it before you accuse me of sexism, cheers.

I used to for years and it became a habit that was essentially a waste of time. Since I stopped it I haven't had any real urge to go back to it.
It can replace intimacy on a relationship or lack of want to find one.
Many men find it comes a habit then addiction, like all addictions it is soul sucking once you're free you see the damage.

@BlackBucketOfCheese

@Flowers24

The people who seem so sure their partners are not watching it, how do you know ?

As I said upthread, my ex had worked for the IWF, a charity removing illegal sexual content from the internet. This made him hugely aware of the issues with pornography, and also as it was work it desensitised him to any erotic value of it. He brought it up with me relatively early on in the relationship. He had no reason to bring it up with me, and I never previously gave him any idea of my views of porn so it wasn’t due to my “nagging”. I am totally sure he did not watch it (unless he is a pathological liar who never had that job and lied about his whole career and personality), and I would be very surprised if he has changed his opinion since our relationship.

I don’t like the porn industry and it’s treatment of women though. I’ve never watched porn myself.

Was about to bring this up! Unpopular opinion but I think some women who oppose porn just hate it because their partner wanks to it. We all still consume other things which are exploitative, but they shout the loudest about porn.

Actually both DH and I have shouted much louder about other exploitative issues and try to do our very best to avoid 'supporting' an such issue.

The fact is this thread is about porn so of course people are discussing and ' shouting loudest' about porn. There would not be much point in my brining any other issue of exploitation to the table.

@Emeraldshamrock

I used to for years and it became a habit that was essentially a waste of time. Since I stopped it I haven't had any real urge to go back to it. It can replace intimacy on a relationship or lack of want to find one. Many men find it comes a habit then addiction, like all addictions it is soul sucking once you're free you see the damage.

I don't think it replaced intimacy as such as my DW has never had a high sex drive but if anything it frustrated me a little as what was on screen wasn't reflecting our own sex life as she's very very conservative in the bedroom. That frustration has probably lessened slightly but will never go away.

@Flowers24

The people who seem so sure their partners are not watching it, how do you know ?

I don't. In the same way that I don't know for absolute certain that she isn't trawling white supremacist chat forums or grooming children online. I trust that she isn't. Porn is something we discussed at the start of our relationship, we apparently feel similarly about it and, as there are evidently enough women who think it's absolutely fine, it would have been easy enough for her to have found someone else who was fine with it and have a more honest relationship with them.

But no one on ever expresses the same disbelief that someone's female partner neither like nor watches pornography. They save those low standards for the "visual creatures" that are men.

How "visual" do you have to be where you can watch porn, being fully aware that the women in it may be abused or exploited, and be excused for it?

Imagine thinking you can’t start caring about exploitation because you’re not on the ball about every single element of exploitation that exists on the planet.

We can’t even begin, as individuals, to be aware of every type of exploitation out there but when you know something is horrible, awful and exploitative (RAPE, human trafficking) but you still continue consuming it because you’re yet to stop consuming (or haven’t even learned about) other exploitative elements of the world then you find yourself in a bit of a strange knot.

And women who slip up and don’t buy fair trade chocolate, how dare you complain about pornography? You are suuuuuurely just trying to stop your husband’s wanking fun.