Let me hear your most ridiculous baby boasts

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

It’s going to get worse isn’t it

I’ve been on here long enough to know that babies can bring out the worst competitiveness in parents, I wasn’t expecting it to start quite so early.

Last week I had my 12 week scan, first baby. I was very nervous due to a previous loss. The sonographer thankfully let me hear the heartbeat straight away, but when she found the baby, it was very still. She got me to move around a bit to wake it up, which it eventually did, so she could get some pictures and measurements etc.

For some reason, I’d not considered they slept in there. I was jokingly telling my friend who had a baby last year, that ours was asleep when she started the scan. ‘Oh’ says my friend. ‘Ours was very active, she was jumping around all over the place, she even waved. But she’s always been very curious about everything. You’re probably going to have quite a lazy baby, I’d think.’

So there we go, at three months and still in my womb, someone has already compared my baby to their’s

Let me hear some other examples and have a laugh.

As above PP says you may get a nice peaceful laid back babe and hers may have ADHD or something.

I know this was meant in jest but please can you be mindful that many of us here have children with additional needs such as ASD or ADHD, neither of which are a karmic punishment for being smug.

A friend had a baby who kept his fist clenched by his head (as babies do)

The entire family were convinced he was going to be a world class boxer.

My baby didn’t smile till he was about 9 weeks old, think it’s usually 6-8 weeks. My nephew was born 4 weeks after my DS so when I said to SiL ‘oh he has just started smiling, so cute etc’ she said ‘oh nephew has been smiling for weeks’. No, no he hasn’t.

It's also really bad stereotyping, people with ADHD can be chill out and laid back too. One of DS friends from his ND youth group has ADHD inattentive type and is the calmest, most laid back I know.

@OlmostOlwyn

Any stories I tell about my toddler, my friend immediately counters with a "similar" story about her cat... 😹

My FiL does this with his dog, I just roll my eyes but I think it upsets DH that the grandchildren get second billing.

I like to make it a race to the bottom. Competitive parents are so laughable. You can goad them into saying idiotic crap, then remind them of it when you catch them trying to brag to a new parent.

I had midwives come and look at DD when she was born as she had more hair than they'd seen on any other baby.

So that was, er, something to boast about (she looked like a troll doll, in retrospect).

Talking new borns is so passe. Mine sang instead of crying. She went 'la' which is her little sisters nickname and was clearly calling her sister to come and join us (I had had a LOT of drugs at this point)

She learnt how to do proper crying very quickly, is tone deaf and regularly argues with her sister.
They like the story though.

@FoxyTheFox

DC1 and DC2 were great sleepers, one was sleeping from 9pm/10pm (depending on when they had their last feed) to around 7am from six weeks old and the other was doing it from birth. This fooled us into having DC3, aka He Who Was Prophesied, Scourge of The Nursery, Destroyer Of Worlds, Harbinger of The Apocalypse. He did not sleep through the night even once until he was three years old and at least once a week would pull an all nighter for shits and giggles. I'd be there on the sofa at 6am, dying from lack of sleep, and he'd be fresh as a daisy. I'm fairly sure he used to suck his energy directly from my soul.

I’m loving these stories!

My DC are adults now but I remember going to baby groups and how competitive some parents can be. There was a mum who had twins and she said her DH liked to boast about how super fertile his sperm must be!

My baby slept through at 6 months after we did some light sleep training. She literally hasn't had a problem since. My friend whose little one woke all the time said the really intelligent children wake regularly because they need the stimulation and my baby probably won't be as bright 🙄 to be honest I preferred the sleep 🤣

The number of children you see being dragged about with their arms stretched up in the air under the guise of them being "early walkers" is ridiculous. A woman from my NCT group was constantly sharing pictures if her daughter being dragged around zoos, beaches, farms etc by her wrists with "look who's walking!" and "she walked the who way herself" from about 10 months. At the DD's first birthday, she was crawling everywhere and didn't even stand up independently, let alone walk!

OP tell your friend that the brain develops during sleep, so yours will be far superior intelligence-wise than hers!

Not entirely the same, but I read someone describing their infant as “a really exceptional baby” on here a few days ago.

It made me wonder what a baby needs to do to be “exceptional”? Massive shits?

@Landofthefree

I’m loving these stories!

My DC are adults now but I remember going to baby groups and how competitive some parents can be. There was a mum who had twins and she said her DH liked to boast about how super fertile his sperm must be!

My ex did that once. I was so grateful to his friend's wife for the way she laughed at him (I didn't dare).

My DS's dad was convinced DS was smiling at him from 1 week. Absolutely not wind, like it was for me, but a genuine smile for his daddy.

I can't be doing with the competitive nonsense. I just nod and smile and think "ok, whatever makes you happy".

I didn't worry about my boys doing things whenever - they just did them when they were ready and I refused to be bothered by anyone else's sprog's advancedness. I actually can barely remember some of the milestones - I know when they took their first steps and that's about it . DS1 was earlier than DS2 because DS1 was about 9th centile on the growth/weight chart, and DS2 was about 90th centile - things (muscles, legs) have to be stronger when they're heavier, so usually later!
Lots of differences between my 2 boys anyway, so I don't count any of it as being much to do with me or how skilful my genes/DH's genes are at producing outstanding sprogs

@VodselForDinner

"It made me wonder what a baby needs to do to be “exceptional”? Massive shits?"

I'm suddenly feeling very proud and smug! My boy's turds are epic! Truly exceptional. Probably the best in nursery #justsaying 🤣🤣

That's quite possible. Lots of 18 months can recite numbers.

Of course, but its not because they had wooden toys

I remember silently pitying the other parents in my baby group their perfectly normal-looking babies, whilst mine was obviously the most beautiful baby the world had ever seen. People should have been paying me to gaze upon her angelic face.

I look at the photos from those days, at my spotty, cross-eyed, cradle-cap covered baby and think I must have been so high on oxytocin that I'm surprised I managed to put my shoes on the right feet when I went out.

I’ve heard so many people boast that their infant sleeps through the night then later describe all of the night feeds. I consider my oldest to have been a great sleeper as she only woke to feed and then went straight back to sleep (after the first two hellish months where she didn’t sleep at all) but I wouldn’t say she slept through until much later.

@Jent13c my DD could count at 14 months and shout out numbers she saw all thanks to YouTube nursery rhymes, CBeebies and slightly older kids teaching her. However so could one of my friends' DDs and one of my nephews, who is now an adult, at the same age.

Thing is unless you have been around other babies/toddlers who have done similar you think it is unusual or the parent is lying.

@ScrambledSmegs

I remember silently pitying the other parents in my baby group their perfectly normal-looking babies, whilst mine was obviously the most beautiful baby the world had ever seen. People should have been paying me to gaze upon her angelic face.

I look at the photos from those days, at my spotty, cross-eyed, cradle-cap covered baby and think I must have been so high on oxytocin that I'm surprised I managed to put my shoes on the right feet when I went out.

This made me laugh out loud.

My grandma always used to say ‘there’s only one bonny baby in the world and every mother thinks she’s got it’