Let me hear your most ridiculous baby boasts

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

It’s going to get worse isn’t it

I’ve been on here long enough to know that babies can bring out the worst competitiveness in parents, I wasn’t expecting it to start quite so early.

Last week I had my 12 week scan, first baby. I was very nervous due to a previous loss. The sonographer thankfully let me hear the heartbeat straight away, but when she found the baby, it was very still. She got me to move around a bit to wake it up, which it eventually did, so she could get some pictures and measurements etc.

For some reason, I’d not considered they slept in there. I was jokingly telling my friend who had a baby last year, that ours was asleep when she started the scan. ‘Oh’ says my friend. ‘Ours was very active, she was jumping around all over the place, she even waved. But she’s always been very curious about everything. You’re probably going to have quite a lazy baby, I’d think.’

So there we go, at three months and still in my womb, someone has already compared my baby to their’s

Let me hear some other examples and have a laugh.

My friend's son was very advanced. He could eat a proper Sunday dinner, (with gravy ) when my baby was still just on a spoon of banana a day.

We met up with dh old friends whose child really was advanced. They never said a word about it but my god! Our toddler (as were her peers) at the “want banana” stage. This child “I do like bananas but I think today I would prefer grapes”. She was way ahead of the other children - massively and on everything. Embarrassingly dd2 and her were almost exactly the same age 😁. She is now a lovely studious early teen we are convinced she will take over the world at some point!

[quote 110APiccadilly]@toolatetofixate Little dresses I think? Although maybe babygros without cartoons would also be permissible.[/quote]

Imagine worrying about your baby's "aesthetic awareness"

😂

Someone told me that their baby was fatter than mine because theirs didn’t poo every day like mine did, which meant that her baby “kept its food inside” and that made her baby plump and cuddly unlike my skeletal poo-er. I was in awe shortly after the GP told the other mum that her baby was very constipated.

@FoxyTheFox

Also my MIL proudly told us that our niece was waking and talking, which was quite shocking as she was well under a year old. Turns out she was babbling and could move her feet if you held her in the air!

The relative I mentioned earlier did this! Claimed her DC was walking at eight months old and that I should do more to encourage DS otherwise he was going to fall further and further behind. Him "walking" was one of them holding him up by his hands and moving forwards whenever he made a stepping motion. Even now they claim he was walking at eight months.

DS was the proverbial child who potty trained himself at 2yo by removing his nappy and saying he wouldn't wear one anymore. He had a few accidents here and there over the first few days but was reliably dry and clean within around four days, but he is autistic and got a lot of sensory discomfort from wearing nappies and was also acutely aware of the sensation of needing the toilet. Same relative as above had a massive kick off that I'd done this on purpose to try and make her DC look bad, that he was still in nappies as he was too busy learning new things and exploring to bother himself with such menial tasks as going to the toilet, and reminded us all that he walked at eight months.

A mum in our group doesn’t stop going on about how her kid was walking from a couple months old, she meant the stepping reflex 😂😂

@HazelBite

I used to feel really embarassed when talk turned to how much sleep mothers weren't getting it was like some strange competition as to who could manage on the least amount of sleep and how little their babies slept. Mine were all terrific sleepers from very early on (DS1 went through the night from 10 days old) but I felt too embarassed to mention it and I wondered if I piped up if anyone would even believe me or suggest there was something wrong with my DC's!

I hate that competitive martyrdom around who is getting the least sleep. Fuck that, it’s not a good thing. Or something to celebrate. No issue with people having a moan but some clearly seem to think that they are superior parents because they don’t get as much sleep.

Then there’s me who enthusiastically and desperately sleep trained at six months and has been enjoying 12hr sleeps overnight ever since 😂

@Snowstorming

Someone told me that their baby was fatter than mine because theirs didn’t poo every day like mine did, which meant that her baby “kept its food inside” and that made her baby plump and cuddly unlike my skeletal poo-er. I was in awe shortly after the GP told the other mum that her baby was very constipated.

My god the things people will think to brag about. Faecal retention 😂

@MeadowHay

To be honest I've luckily not had that much of this really but then I reckon some of it would have gone over my head as I'm just not arsed. I remember being at a baby group when DD was 6.5 months and a mum sitting near me had a DC a couple of weeks younger and we were chatting and she asked me if DD could sit unassisted yet. I said no and she pulled a face of shock and actually loudly said "She still can't sit up?!" in a tone of horror. It was so bad that one of the children's centre staff actually looked our way and breezed over to intervene in the conversation! Anyway I was quite amused by this and was supporting DD into a sitting position. I said no she just flops over, moved backwards to show them and there DD sat totally unassisted grinning away! Cue shock from me and the children's centre staff member bursting into laughter and happily proceeding to offer to take photos of us to document the milestone. Other mum had a right face on her and didn't talk to me again after that was so bizarre.

I also had my DF repeatedly telling us DD was "severely speech delayed" when she was 12 months old because the only 'word' she had mastered by then was 'uh oh'. Claimed I was speaking in sentences by then again not phased, her speech developed perfectly normally and she's been a total chatterbox speaking in sentences since she turned 2.

I actually feel sorry for parents you see at groups who all they want to talk about is milestones and development rather than their DC's personality or interests etc. Think they must be very anxious and insecure and that must be difficult to carry around with you all the time.

I feel the same, there’s one of those in our mum group and it seems absolutely exhausting. She’s obviously quite deeply insecure and has to try portray her son as being the smartest and most advanced all the time to account for it. That or she’s just a knob. But either way, I wouldn’t want to be her. Other people are distancing themselves slowly as it’s just so relentless and draining.

@roarfeckingroarr

My baby is so advanced at 4 months. Seriously. He can use the internet, navigate Moonpig? write a gorgeous witty message and even roll to our concierge to pick up my Mother's Day gift. SO THERE!

I get confused about what is and is not performance parenting. I narrate what I'm doing and baby is doing "well done darling, you bash that teddy bear... yes we like the different textures of the rug don't we" because I heard it's good for language development. Am I performing... to myself? Does my TV think I'm w wanker?

I’m a bit confused about the idea of performance parenting too, I mean when I’m in the supermarket with my toddler I’ll often get him to point to the banana, wow look over there at that, ooh what a bright t shirt etc. mostly because there’s fuck all else to do so that’s a trip out for us and some mental stimulation for him (and me 🤣)

Do people look and think I’m performance parenting? Am I supposed to just kind of ignore him? I mean it’s not gonna stop me anyway but if anyone could explain what it is I’d be pleased! I always see parents talking to their kids and overhear them, often explaining things or asking stuff or pointing it out. And I’ve never thought of any of it for show, who else would give a shit? They’re just interacting with their children.

Its even worse when your own relatives are obessed with 'your baby's' milestones. If i heard dm say 'is he walking yet' one more time because you were at that age (at barley a year old) like midnight on his 1st birthday had chimed and like magic he should be) i think i would have screamed. She went on to say 'oh i thought he would be by now' the woman who had barely seen her grandchildren! As if this wasn't enough a childless sibling who was barely in touch and when did message would say things like 'is baby popcorn meeting his development milestones?'

[quote FrainBart]@ScrambledSmegs haha your Dc1 sounds amazing. Reminds me of DC2 at the same age, he was also labelled
'strong minded' - he would NEVER wear his coat when they asked and told his key worker his mum would come and 'sort her out' ). She found it hilarious thankfully
Very imaginative - he came home numerous times and told me a small cut on his finger or elsewhere was due to his keyworker cutting him with the scissors/burning him with tea/he was feeding the nursery fish and it bit him. I had to inform them of everything as I was worried what he must be telling them he endures at home![/quote]
I’m literally sat here at work laughing to the point of wheezing at the idea of your son telling you he got bitten by a fish or burned by his key worker at nursery omg 🤣

I’m a bit confused about the idea of performance parenting too, I mean when I’m in the supermarket with my toddler I’ll often get him to point to the banana, wow look over there at that, ooh what a bright t shirt etc. mostly because there’s fuck all else to do so that’s a trip out for us and some mental stimulation for him (and me 🤣)

Do people look and think I’m performance parenting? Am I supposed to just kind of ignore him? I mean it’s not gonna stop me anyway but if anyone could explain what it is I’d be pleased! I always see parents talking to their kids and overhear them, often explaining things or asking stuff or pointing it out. And I’ve never thought of any of it for show, who else would give a shit? They’re just interacting with their children

Performance parenting is absolutely nothing to do with talking to or communicating with your children in every day life. I would assume we've all talked to our children in the same way you describe.

Performance parenting is when you're boasting about (usually ridiculous things), "yes DC that's right, a banana, you learned to say banana when you were 2 months old didn't you?" and looking around to see who's looking at you and listening, literally performing for those around you.

I've also seen performances of people who don't usually give a shit about their kids but when other people are around, they're all over their kids and 'performing' to be the best parent ever.

Haha thanks for the explanation! I’ve honestly never come across that @Cuppachino! The worst is a parent in our group who just relentlessly stealth (not) boasts about her toddler’s achievements whenever anyone else’s child does something. But I’ve never noticed anyone seeming like they give a toss what others are thinking of their parenting out and about!

Yes re performance parenting, the other day, a lady and her little girl were looking at the fish counter in Waitrose. ‘What fish shall mummy cook tonight?’ Said the lady loudly.

The little girl said ‘Um, that one’

‘No, not that one, that’s just salmon, and we like lots of different kinds of fish don’t we?’

The little girl was clearly used to this charade so she muttered ‘sea bream’.

‘SEA BREAM? SHALL WE HAVE SEA BREAM? SHALL MUMMY COOK IT WITH SAMPHIRE AND PURPLE SPROUTING BROCOLLI? THAT’S YOUR FAVOURITE SUPPER ISN’T SOPHIA?’

Everyone was just going about their business wondering why the crazy lady was yelling across the fish counter

I’m a bit confused about the idea of performance parenting too, I mean when I’m in the supermarket with my toddler I’ll often get him to point to the banana, wow look over there at that, ooh what a bright t shirt etc. mostly because there’s fuck all else to do so that’s a trip out for us and some mental stimulation for him (and me 🤣)

Do people look and think I’m performance parenting? Am I supposed to just kind of ignore him?

Talking to your child is not performance parenting. Most of us do that, usually at volume appropriate for the situation.

Performance parenting is usually drawing attention to what a wonderful parent you are/how utterly talented your children are in such a way that anyone within 5 metres is subjected to your inane commentaries.

Normal parent: "look at that bright t shirt, doesn't the elephant look nice, what noises to elephants make?"
Performance parent: (louder volume just to check everyone can hear) "Look at that t shirt, what colour is it? Pink, yes it is but remember what we spoke about at the art gallery, there's lots of links. That one is a magenta. Can you say magenta (2 year old states back clearly not having a clue)? Say magenta? It's a tricky word. You're so good we can teach you clever words."

As a general rule, on a mumsnet thread performance parents can usually be identified because they will tend to say things like:
"How sad that people think we should ignore our children"/"I can't believe people have an issue with parents talking to their child"/"People are obviously insecure if they get offended by me talking to Ptolemy about their exceptional progress in mandarin in the queue at Costa"/"I'd rather be talking to be child than being one of the parents who shoves their child on a tablet"/"It's such a shame that some parents would prefer to sit on their phones ignoring their child than engage with them" and in general insist despite endless posts explaining the difference, just speaking to your child is a trigger for people.

Obviously, you're asking about performance parenting so I'm not saying you fit the bill.

SmidgenofaPigeon
Your example is so much better than mine.

The clue is definitely in the name. It's all a performance. They're putting on a show for other people.

Cringe inducing 😬

OP, I'd be hoping (about the lazy comments) I bloody well hope so!

DD falls asleep in the sling halfway round the supermarket but it often takes me half an aisle to notice and I carry on talking to her (although she babbles, for some reason she doesn't in public, so it's a monologue at the best of times). I'm never sure whether this makes me look like a performance parent or an utterly rubbish one!!

Talking to your child is not performance parenting. Most of us do that, usually at volume appropriate for the situation.

Some children are hearing impaired.

My ridiculous step MIL told me I should feed my baby Aptamil, because she did and her child went to Cambridge Uni! I laughed a lot on the inside when said child never managed to finish the degree...

Someone was boasting to my husband about their baby granddaughter being great at napping throughout out the day while ours was constantly needing to be held and when she said 'how clever' her GD was for her naps it tipped my DH over the edge so he gave her a matching smile and said 'how nauseating'.

@AlwaysLatte

Someone was boasting to my husband about their baby granddaughter being great at napping throughout out the day while ours was constantly needing to be held and when she said 'how clever' her GD was for her naps it tipped my DH over the edge so he gave her a matching smile and said 'how nauseating'.

Your husband is an absolute champ. Please give him a high five from me.

I think I was probably a bit boasty with my first but I'm now on my third and he's being a bit slow at stuff, 12 months, doesn't even stand properly, his feet turn over, doesn't say words or animal sounds (MAYBE a couple of words but only one offs) so I'm having to put up with feeling like everyone else's are ahead and trying to ignore the early developer boasts! The other two are both bright and chatty and this one seems alert and curious and certainly does not sleep, rather like my middle child so I'm hopeful.

I do have one ridiculous but true boast though - he was 11.11.11lb born and came out the usual exit! My bits have just about recovered!

Nobody more competitive than a parent!
I doubt your bubba will be lazy, my DS was always too small and never moved at the right time but jeez did he make up for it in the real world! Now at 17 he's still a fidget pants and I'm sure yours will be as lively as hell and keep you on your toes lol