Let me hear your most ridiculous baby boasts

[SmidgenofaPigeon]

It’s going to get worse isn’t it

I’ve been on here long enough to know that babies can bring out the worst competitiveness in parents, I wasn’t expecting it to start quite so early.

Last week I had my 12 week scan, first baby. I was very nervous due to a previous loss. The sonographer thankfully let me hear the heartbeat straight away, but when she found the baby, it was very still. She got me to move around a bit to wake it up, which it eventually did, so she could get some pictures and measurements etc.

For some reason, I’d not considered they slept in there. I was jokingly telling my friend who had a baby last year, that ours was asleep when she started the scan. ‘Oh’ says my friend. ‘Ours was very active, she was jumping around all over the place, she even waved. But she’s always been very curious about everything. You’re probably going to have quite a lazy baby, I’d think.’

So there we go, at three months and still in my womb, someone has already compared my baby to their’s

Let me hear some other examples and have a laugh.

Honestly I thought it was expected that a baby was basically a Maris piper in a blanket for the first weeks of its life. This thread has really opened my eyes 😂

I think PFBG (precious first born grandchild) should definitely be a thing! It's a running joke in my family that my eldest "is very advanced you know" because my mum's always gushing about how good he is at everything. Even when he's yelling at her and bossing her about when they're playing, he's "so imaginative", the endless games he comes up with are "so creative". I don't think my second is going to stand a chance, not to mention when my siblings have children

When I was in hospital (emergency c-section, bad, kept me in for more than a week), the midwife "borrowed" my baby for training. She was showing trainee midwives how to bath a baby, I think. I convinced myself (in my painkiller-addled brain) that it was because my baby was the brainiest, coolest, best-natured baby on the ward and that she was the only one who could be trusted and that it was thanks to her that these new midwives would be able to qualify and that MY baby was clearly holding together the entire health service. In reality, my room was closest to the nurses' station and I was on too much Tramadol to kick up a fuss. I wasn't in my right mind that week, looking back.

On the ward after ds2 was born, my ds was pretty much the only baby crying on and off for most of the night. The next morning, the couple in the cubicle next door were boasting to the midwife "our baby didn't cry once last night, good boy!" To be fair, I deserved this, ds1 slept for pretty much the first 2 weeks.

Well, my PFB slept through birth AND for a couple hours afterwards.

Though could’ve been the result of the general anaesthetic I had.

I like to think DS had innate emotional intelligence from literally the second he was born. Because the first thing he did after being placed on my chest was look at me, turn his head to look at ExP, look back at me, then start screaming before he shat everywhere (all over me).

@OlmostOlwyn

I think PFBG (precious first born grandchild) should definitely be a thing! It's a running joke in my family that my eldest "is very advanced you know" because my mum's always gushing about how good he is at everything. Even when he's yelling at her and bossing her about when they're playing, he's "so imaginative", the endless games he comes up with are "so creative". I don't think my second is going to stand a chance, not to mention when my siblings have children

Oh this is true!

DS1 is cognitively a few years behind his chronological age. Repeated assessments since the age of 5 have confirmed it.

My DFather flat out refuses to believe this. he says that DS is simply reflective and considers things internally. (DFather is an ex head teacher and has a masters in educational psychology!!!!!!)

Height. I mean parents can influence how a child behaves (to an extent), their weight etc but height we have absolutely zero control over. Yet my parents would cluck proudly about how long my two boys were at birth and continued to this day. Fair enough, they are tall - but it’s not like any of us had anything to do with that!

My next door neighbour whose Ds is six weeks younger than Dd made a big thing about him being out of nappies before she was.
Yes, sure, all that meant is that he had constant accidents m, I took the easy way and left the nappies on until she was actually ready.

Someone I knew online a few years ago was worried about her Ds's nursery as the other babies couldn't vocalise as well as him.
He was six months old

I got the head tilt a lot because DS was both late to walk and late to talk, and my favourite question "do you read to him at all?"

An aunt was obsessed by how big he was (big but not overly so) and this was my fault as he was FF not anything to do with the genetics of having a very tall & broad DH. Also aghast that we went on holiday at 5mo because babies only need boobs not hotel stays. Well love, the tits didn't work and mummy loves a complimentary spa treatment.

@EmbarrassingAdmissions

SimonJT - Anyway, one of the mums was the group bragger, everyone would generally just ignore her. One day I was sat next to a mum who had a child of just over 1 who wasn’t walking yet (so completely notmal), bragger mum then expressed concern that my son made be a bad influence on the other mums baby as she may copy my son and never learn to walk.

Apart from being completely slackjawed and agape - is there any adequate or shareable response to such egregious nonsense?

I remember thinking it was quite funny, she regularly came out with quite insane things.

@SmidgenofaPigeon
Dd looked like a maris piper with hairy ears!
At the time I was convinced she was a supermodel baby though.
Thank god I didn't actually say that to anyone

My MIL should win a prize.
Apparently DH was speaking in French fluently at 10 months old. He went to France for a weekend when he was 8 months old and it stuck

And he was the PERFECT child, he never threw tantrums EVER. He would get upset because he was so advanced he got frustrated.

I’ve learnt to switch it off now when she gets going but on the occasions my DM has been in her company she’s

My grandmother insists my dad was potty trained at 4 mo. The age keeps getting younger, too, started at 14 mo

When i was pregnant and didn't know the sex MIL stated when she had dh she had been "the only mother with a boy on the entire unit, they all had girls!" All the girls were apparently "screaming unlike dh who was serene!" She said the nurse told her she had the only boy! She went pn to say she thought me and dh would have all girls because MIL was the only one who could have a boy apparently not that it even mattered!
I told her i would be elated with a boy or a girl! As it happens i went on to have a boy and when we told MIL the sex she asked dh if he was sure?!

My friends child slept through the night before she was even conceived and also was able to put her dummy back in at 8 weeks old. As a FTM I was concerned about my baby, now I look back I realise what s* it was... I stopped asking her advice/is this normal type questions pretty soon after...

@Popcornbetty

When i was pregnant and didn't know the sex MIL stated when she had dh she had been "the only mother with a boy on the entire unit, they all had girls!" All the girls were apparently "screaming unlike dh who was serene!" She said the nurse told her she had the only boy! She went pn to say she thought me and dh would have all girls because MIL was the only one who could have a boy apparently not that it even mattered! I told her i would be elated with a boy or a girl! As it happens i went on to have a boy and when we told MIL the sex she asked dh if he was sure?!

Wow. Honestly I want to crack her head open and figure out what's going on in there.

I'm morbidly fascinated by these kinds of threads.

@ALongHardWinter

My ex MIL used to swear that my exH's younger brother was walking at 6 months. I mean,is that even possible?

I don't know, but a friend of mine's 2nd DD walked at 7m, which was an absolute fecking nightmare, as she wasn't able to understand things like "Don't go there, no, stop, that's dangerous" etc. properly - my friend was beside herself over it, certainly not boastful! The child has issues, on the spectrum etc. but is a great runner!

The only thing I do remember someone being competitive with me over was that I still had DS2 in nappies past the age of 2, whereas she had toilet trained her DS (same age) by 18mo. Except she hadn't - all she'd done was taken him out of nappies and asked him if he needed the loo at frequent intervals. For a 2h playgroup, she needed 4 changes of clothes for him - that does NOT mean he was toilet-trained!

The really early training = probably elimination training where they don't wear nappies at all, really, they're taught to pee/poo on command over the toilet. Not sure it's a great plan for everyone, and I certainly couldn't be arsed to try it. Neither of my boys were early out of nappies - I waited until they were ready (around 4 for both of them) and as a result had very few accidents. Yeah, I got some funny looks - that's late, especially for Australia (should be done by 2, what's WRONG with you?!) - but I have problems dealing with "accidents", so it worked for us.

It's like Meghan says Archie tells people to stay hydrated 😂😂

@ilovepixie

It's like Meghan says Archie tells people to stay hydrated 😂😂

Way to say something different from the truth to try and make yourself look whatever it is.

My DM is horrified that I dress 3 month old DD in babygros with cartoon animals on. Apparently my DBs and I had our aesthetic awareness developed from an early age by only being allowed to see the best kinds of pictures.

I have resisted the urge to point out that this method produced a daughter who likes to dress her own child in clothes with cartoon animals on...

My lo was a nightmare for being asleep during scans, almost every single one I had to drink cold drinks, go up and down some stairs. My 12 week scan is a pic of her back and bum cos as soon as the got the nuchal fold measurement she rolled back over to go to sleep as they took the pic. Had to have a rescan of the 20 week one as she would not move for them to scan the great vessels of the heart. For my 4d scan I had cold drinks, sugar and then ended up running around the car park playing tag with my 5 yo niece (at 28 weeks pregnant, gave the couple driving into the car park for their appointment a good laugh after I explained upon seeing their puzzled looks) and even after that they were about to send me home and to come back when she finally moved so I could get a look at her! She turns 6 in 2 and a half weeks and she is the most energetic kid I know! Has me on my toes constantly. Did sleep very well as a baby though, sleeping through from 6 weeks as a bf baby.

@110APiccadilly

My DM is horrified that I dress 3 month old DD in babygros with cartoon animals on. Apparently my DBs and I had our aesthetic awareness developed from an early age by only being allowed to see the best kinds of pictures.

I have resisted the urge to point out that this method produced a daughter who likes to dress her own child in clothes with cartoon animals on...

What does she think you should be dressing your baby in?

@ilovepixie

It's like Meghan says Archie tells people to stay hydrated 😂😂

They are in California though where people say stuff like that, I know it sounds weird to us in the UK

@toolatetofixate Little dresses I think? Although maybe babygros without cartoons would also be permissible.