To really wish my parents hadn’t decided to make my middle name my given name

[abigbloodynuisance]

This has always annoyed me. Names are fictitious.

Name is Anna. Middle name Doris. Surname Donaldson.

Parents realise Doris Anna Donaldson spells DAD and think it’s funny so decide to go with that. But I’ve only ever been known as Anna. However, passport, driving licence, etc, are all Doris Anna.

It’s caused so many problems in big and small ways and mostly it’s just embarrassing having to explain myself. (It doesn’t help that my actual name is foreign so I always have to spell it anyway!)

I know I’ll get people who haven’t RTFP telling me to change it but since my line of work requires me to state any name changes it looks a bit peculiar and looks like I used to be called Doris and decided myself to be Anna and I didn’t!

So AIBU for being a bit fucked off about this? Note ‘a bit.’ I haven’t been stewing on it for forty odd years but it does annoy me a bit.

@BramStoker

I can understand you finding it frustrating but allowing it to 'fuck you up' seems a bit OTT

It's not exactly an unusual situation

The OP is fucked off, not fucked up. Phrasal verbs, different meanings. Irritating for the OP, and a lesson to all parents. Choose your children's names wisely.

I've always abbrevated my Janet to Jan. ALL my records are in the name Jan, I just told HMRC, psssport office, DVLA etc I wanted to be known as Jan and all docs are now in that name. Never did a deed poll

My mums name was Margaret but changed it to Pearl ( she liked it ) caused no ends of problems when she passed away but all fixable ones . I’m called Evelyn I’ve changed it because it’s too old sounding I changed it when I was 16 I’m mid 40’s now . When I was 16 I was embarrassed at this old fashioned name I used to joke and say I was born holding a pension book holder !

@abigbloodynuisance

feel frustrated/incredulous that you have decided to live with something that bothers you on a daily basis rather than acting once to resolve the issue.

This is your issue that you feel frustrated and incredulous. You don’t know me. It isn’t important to you, or shouldn’t be.

But @greatauntfanny didn't say it was her feeling that did she? And you're the one who first used the word hysterical OP!

I agree with @LabbyNoona that you are coming across as abrasive in your responses when people have only been trying to help and offer a way forward.

So YANBU about venting about your names. YABU for attributing words to people that they didn't use.

My dad's family had form for this. Basically the eldest son was always called James William. They alternated usage so great grandad was James, grandad was Bill, my dad James. They also called second sons Michael: so I had an uncle Michael and a great uncle Michael.
Only seemed to cause confusion when grandad was in hospital. The nurses were concerned that he wasn't responding. That's because he was 82 and never been called James.

I think ultimately it's the parents house.

Must admit it make my cringe when someone says everyone knows me by my middle name.

@tttigress

I think ultimately it's the parents house.

Must admit it make my cringe when someone says everyone knows me by my middle name.

Meant to read fault not house!

Must admit it make my cringe when someone says everyone knows me by my middle name.

Nice thing to say on a thread that has lots of people who use their middle name.

My Mum has always been called by her middle name. She and all of her siblings have an English first name and a foreign middle name - the thinking being that they could always be John, Peter, Elizabeth, Jane if they wanted. In hospital recently, I had to fight to tell them to call my Mum by her middle name. Her notes said “Jane Smith, likes to be called Hedwig.” She didn’t “like to be called” Hedwig, it’s her bloody name!”

I can’t help thinking the whole ‘My actual name is Angelica Dorothea Aliziana Margarita Marianna, but I am NEVER known as anything other than Marie’ issue could be easily solved by just calling your daughter Marie if that’s how you want her to be known.

@Blyatiful

My Mum has always been called by her middle name. She and all of her siblings have an English first name and a foreign middle name - the thinking being that they could always be John, Peter, Elizabeth, Jane if they wanted. In hospital recently, I had to fight to tell them to call my Mum by her middle name. Her notes said “Jane Smith, likes to be called Hedwig.” She didn’t “like to be called” Hedwig, it’s her bloody name!”

But it ISN’T, is it? It IS her middle name and it IS what she likes to be called, according to your story!

I’ve seen a few posts on this thread now criticising hospitals and medical professionals for getting this ‘wrong’. It could be easily solved.

I have the same situation. What I find odd/irritating is that I was never given an explanation by my parents as to why they never used my first name. If they preferred my second name, why didn't they reverse the order?
I don't really find it a problem apart from the bloody mindedness of banks and financial institutions who refuse to accept anything but my formal name. Years ago they used to accept cheques made out to but since money laundering regulations came in there has been no leeway on this.
In some ways it is reassuring- I know that people calling me are on the whole genuine, whereas people addressing me as are either taking a liberty, being over-familiar or aren't someone I particularly want to be on first name terms with. I don't correct these people and quite enjoy them thinking they are being familiar when they are not.

@abigbloodynuisance >But I’ve only ever been known as Anna. However, passport, driving licence, etc, are all Doris Anna -

This is me, I'm so with you.

I have never been known to family/friends by my first name, nor has my twin sister. Our parents christened us with our first names and from then on used our middle names. Why??! Why give us those names? All the time I have to say, to doctors and dentists, etc. 'I don't recognise that as me, I've always gone by L...' All my official documents have a first name that I've never been known by. It wasn't my/our choice to be known by these middle names - it was our parents chosing to do it. Madness .

YANBU OP!

DH has the same scenario! The amount of times he told me he’s been called by his first name at the GP surgery or hospital or anywhere ‘official’ and he’s sat there not answering!

He hates his first name, thinks it’s awful, his ‘known by’ middle name is so different and thankfully the one he is called, those many conversations he has to have, explaining the name thing.

Oh Gawd.....😢😢I am so sorry children....3 out of my 5 have their middle name as the name we use!! Are they ever going to forgive me? Yes it does spell something too...omg what have I done? My son thou has said that it has helped him? I guess he xan be two different people if he wants too....lol...as his middle name( the one we use) can also be a surname........
So sorry you have had so many problems....

My mother preferred her middle name, so reversed the two; never bothered to get the change acknowledged formally - I don't recall her using her real first name for anything.
Except her two older sisters who never bothered to call her by the name she chose to use,

If your work files reflect both your first and middle names, and most do, I wouldn't think it would be an issue. Just simply tell people you prefer your actual first name to your middle one.

Thankfully, where I'm from it is VERY typical to give children their mother's maiden names as middle names, and NO ONE was going to call a daughter "Bivings." Although had I been a son, "Biv" would not have been out of the question.

Wasn't till we went to great aunt's funeral we realised she'd been known by her middle name all our lives.

YANBU op, I've never understood why parents give their child a first name, then call them something else!
A member of my family has done this with with their son - their reasoning is that they call him by his middle name just in case he doesn't like his first name when he's older 🤔

It's probably because they think about the first and middle name and not the name the child will be known as.

They might think that Amelia May sounds better than May Amelia, not thinking that she will be May Smith to most people.

My poor brother has the same issue - he is (not actually) John William Bloggs but as my Dad and grandfather also John was always called William until he gave up in uni and called himself William. Thus all the family call him William his his wife and inlaws, work etc know him as John... My Dad's fault for doing the registration apparently! Can't call him John as that is my Dad!

DH has similar problem. Fictitious names:
Chosen names: Mark, Ivor, surname Smith.
Mother (my MIL) realises Mark Ivor Smith spells MIS and thinks of "miss" and decides child will get teased about it. Wants child to be known as Mark, but Ivor is also obligatory to her. Decides to go with Ivor Mark Smith, but call child Mark. Then makes use of every possible occasion to explain to the rest of the world, including his friends, that it was going to be the other way round but that would spell MIS, thus drawing MASSIVE attention to it for rest of his (so far) life. MIL is still doing it and tells our DDs so they now explain it to their friends. Will it never end?

I don’t see it as an issue. My mum has always been known by her middle name. She was hanged after her aunt but my gran preferred the middle name. She is on all form as X Y but states known as y.

That's quite a family you have @BashfulClam. What on earth did they do?

Dark past lol. Autocorrect likes to regularly name a dick of me!