To really wish my parents hadn’t decided to make my middle name my given name

[abigbloodynuisance]

This has always annoyed me. Names are fictitious.

Name is Anna. Middle name Doris. Surname Donaldson.

Parents realise Doris Anna Donaldson spells DAD and think it’s funny so decide to go with that. But I’ve only ever been known as Anna. However, passport, driving licence, etc, are all Doris Anna.

It’s caused so many problems in big and small ways and mostly it’s just embarrassing having to explain myself. (It doesn’t help that my actual name is foreign so I always have to spell it anyway!)

I know I’ll get people who haven’t RTFP telling me to change it but since my line of work requires me to state any name changes it looks a bit peculiar and looks like I used to be called Doris and decided myself to be Anna and I didn’t!

So AIBU for being a bit fucked off about this? Note ‘a bit.’ I haven’t been stewing on it for forty odd years but it does annoy me a bit.

I understand, OP.

I am also known by my middle name. My first name is the name my mother was known by, so my parents never used it for me. It's an unusual name with a more common abbreviation, so I'm always asked "longname or shortname?" And I have to reply, "actually, I'm called secondname." It was a pain at school and some of my teachers never accepted it, which was difficult.

I feel a bit sorry for my parents because they didn't anticipate that it would be an issue. When we used to have Christian names and surnames, I just used my usual name as my Christian name. Now, forms always say "first name", so I more often write my actual first name. Also, my parents didn't realise Ms would become common, so having the same initials as my mother became a problem when letters arrived which could have been addressed to either of us.

It's not such a problem that it's worth taking steps to change it, and to do so now would seem a bit sad now that both of my parents have died, but it is irritating in a minor way on an occasional basis!

I too have awful initials which my parents did on purpose.

They had my briefcase at school engraved with my initials and had a necklace made with my initials on.

I seriously don't know what they were thinking. I was bullied a bit for my initials at school.

People thought I was a twat because of the necklace which I had to wear as it was my 16th birthday present and cost them a lot. It just made me look foolish.

Sounds like you're making a bit of a meal of it OP. Both my in laws used their middle name and my best friend has never used their full formal name (like Katerina above). Another friend changed her name at 18. I never changed my name and have a different surname to my kids. None of us have suffered at all.

If it bothers you change it. If that makes you feel it's an unfair hassle and it might seem strange don't. No one cares but you.

Mine gave me the name Jennie then didn’t change it when the birth certificate came back Jenny and my whole life I had to correct people until I realised I could just change it officially lol. Over here it makes no difference but where I come from they are pronounced differently

This is so common. I know so many people who are in this situation- it affects me at work as managers will ring me and ask about Anna Donaldson and of course I can't find an Anna Donaldson, its Doris 😂

The worst is actually my uncle. His mum was very poorly and hospitalised after he was born so his grandmother looked after him for most if the first two years of his life... she didn't like his name so called him by his middle name, and not even his full middle name but by a nick named version. By the time his mum was well it was to late, he knew that name.

I really don't think anyone will think anything of it if you change your name. You are overthinking that bit and thereby ruling out a solution to the issue for no reason at all.

In my former business life I had to deal with a Wayne King who held a senior post in a professional firm

The surname Christmas whilst unusual there are a few , and guess what there are some Mary Christmas

And yes Decca released in 1963

Decca DL 74438 Stereophonic

Wayne King- "Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas." Wayne King and His Orchestra with The Wayne Robinson Singers. 1963

I’ve got to agree, but from the other side! I work in HR and trying to recall the actual names of people who go by another name is annoying! And I’m sad enough to recall most of them out of the 11,000 people who work for us 🙈

Omg poster....

This is a DONALDSON thing!! 🤣🤣🤣🤣😱😱🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

I had ex bf many years ago

X y donaldson. His dad was x donaldson. He was always y donaldson. Very confusing. Some documents he was x and some y..he never answered to x.

What is it with Donaldsons then. Why don’t they just give their kids the first name they’re actually going to call them.

I found this hilarious and slightly spooky it’s the same family name

Mt DH is called by his middle name and both his parents are called by theirs. Apparently it's a Welsh thing? It causes him grief occasionally. We stuck to the more usual order of things for our 2 DC but the other day MIL asked why we hadn't used DH's first name for either of our 2 DS, not as a middle name but as a first name which would then be the name they are called, like DH. I had to explain that I thought it seemed like an unnecessary faff but she was clearly a bit put out.

Gah, I got that wrong, I mean they would be called by their middle names, like DH.

I've changed my name twice by deed poll. It's really not a big deal. The U.K. is one of the easiest countries in the world, if not THE easiest, for changing your name. You can even write the change of name deed yourself - you don't need a lawyer or a service to do it!

Hi Anna (see what I did there?) - personally I would not formally change it but just try to become more comfortable with explaining to people that although Doris is your first name on legal documents, you'd prefer to be called Anna.

I have a kind of similar but not identical issue (short name vs long name in my case) and that's what I do. Let's say I'm Matilda and I have always been called Tilly, first because my parents preferred to call me that, then just because I was used to it and didn't want to do the dramatic thing of suddenly telling everybody I was Matilda from now on. I actually like both Matilda and Tilly, but Tilly feels more like "me" now, although I have a slight amount of baggage around it just because of the feeling of not having been given a choice when I was young.

I've always had Matilda on my passports, driving licence, bank statements, payslips etc. I don't mind that. I introduce myself as Tilly if I meet people informally, and if I apply for a job, I put Matilda on the application, but if I get an interview I just walk in and say hi, I'm Tilly, and let them put two and two together. It's never been a problem. My current employers even gave me a "Tilly" e-mail address without having to be reminded.

Occasionally someone sees something official with my name on it and says "hey, I didn't know you were really a Matilda!" I don't see that as a problem, it's easy enough to explain.

Just try not to worry too much about what people will think. Chances are they'll be slightly interested for 5 minutes and then forget all about it. It's not as unusual as you may have thought, and remember that what feels huge to you because it's your experience is just a ver minor detail in everybody else's life.

It’s common in Celtic cultures to use a middle name as common name. I am one of them! I quite like it, although it can cause confusion. Have sat in hospitals not responding to the first name call-out as just didn’t register it was me!

It's pretty common to be called by a middle name. I'm not, but my dad, both his brothers, and my paternal grandparents were called by their middle names. If you don't like the order of initials, you could change it by deed poll.

They kept trying to wake me up from my GA by calling me by a name I have never been called and saying it wrong too, it was only because DH was in the room and was able to tell them my 'real' name, which is my middle name, that they cottoned on to why I wasn't responding, that and I am difficult to rouse from my slumber at the best of times

Our parents always called my DB by his middle name from birth as did everyone else. When he went to university he was called by his "first" name so literally everyone he has met since (he's now 51!) calls him by that. He's really laid back & never insisted we change what we call him though. It probably works as he has always lived & worked abroad so the two worlds don't overlap too much.

I'm late to the thread, and haven't read it all.
My parents also called me by my middle name because if it were my first name, the initials spelled something they didn't like.
I have spent much of my life saying to officialdom, 'actually, I only use xxx'.
Even when I went for my covid jab, I was called YYY by the nurses.
Bloody PITA.

@LunaNorth

Deed poll - get your names reversed. Then all your documents will reflect your preferred name order.

With respect though this is the only answer. Put up with it, and keep having to manage the two name or change it and occasionally have to declare a name change.

Dp is known by middle name, as is all first born males. I’m glad we had daughters as he wanted to carry on the tradition.
At work he is known by his first name due to legal reasons.

Interestingly working as a nurse on an elder care ward name switches can be very entertaining. This lady in bed 1 is called Florence but likes to be called Doris.. The lady in bed 2 is called Doris but likes to be called Florence! That's Gladys likes to be called Tilly. That's Matilda also known as Tilly or Gladys depending on her mood. Oh yes and that's Ethel but is known as Daisy ( don't get it wrong or she'll launch her dinner or bedpan at you whichever is closest to hand!) Gets to the stage where I automatically ask a new lady for her name and what she wants to be called and am pleasantly surprised when the given name is the same as what she wants to be called!

I go by my middle name. I was 5 when I decided that I would not answer to my first name. I only use my first with banks and GP. All the rest will know my middle name. I wish I had changed it when I got married. Now I will live with it. Oddly my biggest nightmare is that I will end up in a care home and they will call me by my first name. My own idea of a living hell.

Change your name by Deed Poll and go by what makes you happier. Problem solved! :)

I actually prefer to be known by my nickname rather than either of my given names. (It's a "normal" name - like "Tony" not a "joke" one like "Knuckles"). It means I have to give some explanations when people was to make payments to me etc. but it's far, far better than having to use the awful names I was lumbered with at the font.