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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My new neighbour is a convicted murderer

418 replies

murdernextdoor · 14/03/2021 19:56

Have recently found out from another neighbour further up the street that my new next door neighbour has spent 4 years in prison for man slaughter of another man. I was sceptical so I googled his name. I saw all the newspaper articles about him. He had a fight and killed another man.
Don't know the reasons for the fight but I can't help but wonder if it was one of those cases of a one punch kill. Or maybe he stamped his head?

I am horrified that this man lives next to me. I now don't want my children to mix with his children anymore. I know some will say he's done his time, but imagine if it was your son he killed? It makes me sick to my stomach.

Should someone have notified us in some way about him moving there? Or maybe not as he's done his time and isn't a sex offender.

AIBU or would you be horrified as well? AIBU to tell my children to stay away from the house altogether. (I know it's covid now but I'm thinking in the future)

OP posts:
CharlotteRose90 · 14/03/2021 21:16

I wouldn’t be bothered to be honest. You have no idea the circumstances. One of my mums friends their son got convicted of manslaughter for protecting his girlfriend after another man was assaulting her so he punched the man and he fell and smacked his head. Don’t judge until you know what happened. They don’t have to let you know he lives there. If you don’t want your kids socialising then don’t.

Flowers24 · 14/03/2021 21:17

Not a murderer but a huge risk to society?

Cassilis · 14/03/2021 21:17

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@Cassilis firstly that’s a pretty clunky attempt to conflate two totally separate issues. Secondly, offenders who are not given the chance or opportunity to rehabilitate put us all at greater risk.[/quote]
Why? They’re both violent men.

No one has said he shouldn’t be rehabilitate. Why does OP have to do though?

RoseRedRoseBlue · 14/03/2021 21:20

@Cassilis OP has chosen to start this thread, and the only thing she needs to do is stay out of it.

tsmainsqueeze · 14/03/2021 21:20

@Flaunch

I listened to a radio interview with a late teenage male who had killed someone by punching them once in the head while drunk. It was heart wrenching. He made a mistake, a hideous mistake that he greatly regretted. He served his sentence and while in prison publicised what had happened in the hope that it wouldn’t happen to anyone else, left prison and went to university and now works to try and stop mindless violence.

Awful things happen and very few people are beyond forgiveness.

Exactly , i am not condoning violence ever , but you have no idea how this man feels. He may live with mental torture /guilt over his actions , he may be living his life under the shadow of his act , with a conscious effort to always turn his back on violence . You may have a lot more reasons to fear the neighbours you know nothing about .
beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 21:21

This man lost his temper and killed another man.

so you judge every single man, or woman, who ever went into a physical fight? Fair enough, but be consistent.

Killing someone in a fight only means the wrong angle, a fall the wrong angle. It's hardly the same as grabbing a weapon and walk towards them to actually kill them.

So while you are perfectly reasonable to be upset, it means you are exactly the same towards anyone ever involved into a physical fight?

badacorn · 14/03/2021 21:22

I wouldn’t want to live next to a violent man either op. I give no apologies to anyone offended by that statement.

Obviously don’t treat his kids any differently because they had nothing to do with it. I don’t know if I’d bother moving away. As someone else said there are a lot of people around who have done awful/violent things and gotten away with it or been convicted and you just never find out. Who knows what skeletons are in people’s closets.

Cassilis · 14/03/2021 21:22

[quote RoseRedRoseBlue]@Cassilis OP has chosen to start this thread, and the only thing she needs to do is stay out of it.[/quote]
That’s all she wants to do, to keep her and her kids out of it.

OP is also party to additional info that she can’t share her, I would trust her judgment here.

RoseRedRoseBlue · 14/03/2021 21:24

@Cassilis given she can’t seem to distinguish between murder and manslaughter, I wouldn’t trust her judgment on this at all.

Ginger1982 · 14/03/2021 21:25

"It’s in her AIBU, she wants to keep her kids away from them and who can blame her."

Sounds more like she just wants to hound the man out of the neighbourhood.

Inpersuitofhappiness · 14/03/2021 21:25

Hmm. A few things going through my head.
He went through the courts, it was determined that he didn't intend to kill someone. He served 4 years in line with that, he wasn't charged of sentenced because he murdered someone, he was charged and sentenced for manslaughter. Theres a whole world of difference.

Have you never been in a fight? I know as a teen I had fights with others, and I can only say how horrific the thought is that one of those stupid fights could have ended up with someone dying is. That was never my or their intention I shouldn't think. In part I'd feel quite sad that the situation turned into that. Imagine a stupid fight, maybe even just one punch ending someone's life. That's some guilt to be carrying around for the rest of your life.

I'll admit that I wouldn't want to be your new neighbours best friend. Fuck that. I'd keep my distance, but you've allowed a neighbour gossiping, and their spin on the situation quite a lot of head space.

I would likely avoid them, I'd be unsure whether their temper was that bad, or was he actually made calmer by the fact that he's seen the very worst that can happen when you lose your temper?

Ultimately its all very sad, but the likelihood is that he wasn't the only one acting like a twat the night that someone's life ended. You don't know what happened, you don't know him, you know the narrative that was given by the papers and your nosey gossipy neighbour.

I'd keep my distance, but honestly, I'd not take one fight as a reason to think he didn't appreciate life, and write him off. If he was this terrible terrible person, he would've been in prison for longer, and wouldn't be in his exes house around their kids after being in prison. If she wanted to keep him away, she would have had plenty of help to keep him away after being in prison for that

Ismellphantoms · 14/03/2021 21:25

I have worked with many men convicted of murder and manslaughter. Mostly from fights after drinking. Every one has made a success of life out of prison. I'm still friends with some on social media. Each one has tried hard to leave their old life behind. Some are now married with children. I'd happily live next door to any one of them. They've done their time and just want a normal life.

beyondtheshoe · 14/03/2021 21:25

I wouldn’t want to live next to a violent man either op. I give no apologies to anyone offended by that statement.

fair enough

but I am curious HOW you know which one of your neighbours even went into a physical fight since they were say 18?

Cassilis · 14/03/2021 21:26

Not everyone is au fait with legal terms for killings. Or it may not be real, who knows.

RedcurrantPuff · 14/03/2021 21:27

@RoseRedRoseBlue

YABU totally unreasonable, and your post title is misleading. If you have googled the case, as you suggest, you would know the basic facts rather than making vague and dramatic statements.
This.

Ultimately he has to live somewhere

happinessischocolate · 14/03/2021 21:27

@OhWhyNot

I'm surprised his name came up when you googled it, I thought there were protections under the rehabilitation of offenders?

If he wants to change his name he can do as long as he informs probation or other teams he may be working with. Not everyone wants to remain anonymous

I'm not talking about him changing his name, I'm talking about google not giving results on convictions, under the rehabilitation of offenders.
RoseRedRoseBlue · 14/03/2021 21:29

@Cassilis the difference between murder and manslaughter has bene highlighted several times on this thread.

Flowers24 · 14/03/2021 21:29

How he feels ? Are you having a laugh, he took.someones life ! Who cares how his feelings are !?

OhWhyNot · 14/03/2021 21:29

supersonicginandtonic

If housed there are caps on what will be paid out in HB they will not receive extra money to live close to family. Some will move area (which isn’t straight forward) for various reasons. Some end up in nice ish flats but the areas are not the nicest areas then we come into a whole load of other issues and more often than not housed on estates

Joeblack066 · 14/03/2021 21:29

@marshflamingo

He's not a convicted murderer.

Shunning his children would be a repugnant thing to do.

Rehabilitating people becomes impossible when others behave like you.

Personally, I would rather live in a society that values rehabilitation over revenge.

This.
AccidentallyOnPurpose · 14/03/2021 21:32

You don't have to be best mates with him do you? You don't even have to say hello if you don't want to.

The kids might play together,they might not. Of you're really worried just tell your kids not to go to their house and that's that.

But stop spreading gossip and "ohhh weird feelings" and "he has a temper" and what not. You don't know. And given your replies I'm sure if it was a story of man lost it and stamped on someone's head and repeatedly hit them over the head with a tire iron you'd give all the gory details to show us just how right you are.

CindersCatsSister · 14/03/2021 21:32

Fuck that. If he can lose his shit once like that he can do it again. I know - my relative was killed by a man who’d killed 3 times before and was out on temporary license. I wouldn’t let my kids anywhere near. TBH, I’d move but that’s because if my own experiences. The police dealing with my relatives case said that people like that are hardwired to kill when they don’t get their own way.

Flowers24 · 14/03/2021 21:33

Keep the Kids away from his ..

Thisisworsethananticpated · 14/03/2021 21:33

Ew
Not a neighbour to argue with
But , don’t punish the children either

OhWhyNot · 14/03/2021 21:34

If you have a name and the persons crime was reported (violent crimes often are) it’s easy to find

Some change their name because of this other don’t

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