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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

My new neighbour is a convicted murderer

418 replies

murdernextdoor · 14/03/2021 19:56

Have recently found out from another neighbour further up the street that my new next door neighbour has spent 4 years in prison for man slaughter of another man. I was sceptical so I googled his name. I saw all the newspaper articles about him. He had a fight and killed another man.
Don't know the reasons for the fight but I can't help but wonder if it was one of those cases of a one punch kill. Or maybe he stamped his head?

I am horrified that this man lives next to me. I now don't want my children to mix with his children anymore. I know some will say he's done his time, but imagine if it was your son he killed? It makes me sick to my stomach.

Should someone have notified us in some way about him moving there? Or maybe not as he's done his time and isn't a sex offender.

AIBU or would you be horrified as well? AIBU to tell my children to stay away from the house altogether. (I know it's covid now but I'm thinking in the future)

OP posts:
HeadNorth · 17/03/2021 20:43

As others have pointed out the title of the thread is incorrect and inflammatory
My new neighbour is a convicted killer would have been accurate. The man killed someone - that is not like rape, or incest, it is far far worse because there is no coming back from it, no recovery for the victim. They are dead forever.

It sickens me the handwringing to excuse this heinous crime. No, we don't all get drunk and get into fights. We couldn't all kill someone. Why are posters on this booard so forgiving of male violence and frequently so moralistic over female sexual betrayal?

RoseRedRoseBlue · 17/03/2021 20:55

@HeadNorth, nobody is excusing it. Nobody is saying it’s “cool”, or acceptable, or that there should be a street party or declaration of forgiveness. The OP asked if she was being unreasonable in her view, and got a variety of responses. The post above yours sums it up perfectly.

Lacucuracha · 17/03/2021 21:01

Why are posters on this booard so forgiving of male violence and frequently so moralistic over female sexual betrayal?

Seems our society is built this way.

Look at our policemen, some shared pictures of the mutilated bodies two mutilated sisters in London just a few weeks ago and now another officer has shared an offensive meme about poor Sarah Everard.

No wonder women have such low expectations from men if even the police behave this way.

DrSbaitso · 17/03/2021 21:14

Oh, people are excusing it all over. Everything from the ubiquitous "one punch kill" from a wonderful, gentle, loving, amazing man (cobblers) to "well maybe the victim was a paedophile". Even when OP has said it was about sectarianism. The lengths people are going to in order to excuse and minimise this unlawful killing are unreal. The person who told OP about his history, which is all a matter of public record anyway, has got more shit for "gossiping" than he's had for killing.

The guy has served his time and has the right to live freely, but 99% of the people claiming they would be completely indifferent to having him next door are talking shite. I can only assume they think it makes them look morally superior, but blowed if I can see how.

If he had shagged his secretary he'd be getting worse judgement than this and nobody would excuse him because he "didn't mean to hurt anyone". I know the Mumsnet sanctimony and moralism inevitably causes skewed moral judgements, as such things usually do, but this is weapon level.

OhWhyNot · 17/03/2021 21:15

Lacucuracha

Good post I agree it’s an odd stance many have decided to take

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/03/2021 21:42

I'm not bothered what people think of him. It's the refusing to let the children play with his children that pissed me off, again as it's personal for me.

DrSbaitso · 17/03/2021 21:59

OP has said that she's changed her mind about letting the children play together.

MishaHarrow · 17/03/2021 22:05

Depends on the circumstance.

If the manslaughter involved intruders or burglars id say he is actually a good guy. But yea, if he was in a fight / trouble maker, and he killed someone, would probably say to avoid him and his kids.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/03/2021 22:08

@DrSbaitso

OP has said that she's changed her mind about letting the children play together.
Other posters are saying it too, not just OP.
Waxonwaxoff0 · 17/03/2021 22:09

See, one just posted above about avoiding his kids.

MishaHarrow · 17/03/2021 22:13

@DrSbaitso

The person he hit could have touched up his kid for all you know.

OP said that it was related to Scottish sectarianism.

Wait....is there actually violence / clashes over this...?

Although I guess there is some divisions of opinions, I just presumed the Scots wouldnt resort to physical action/s over this...?

MishaHarrow · 17/03/2021 22:17

@Waxonwaxoff0

See, one just posted above about avoiding his kids.
Absolutely. You cant just have kids play together and not expect some talking to or involvement with the relevant parents/s.

I know I will get flamed for this - Similarly, I would be concerned if the kids would be a good influencence on mine. Apples dont fall far from the tree.

I believe that a lot of people saying it wouldnt bother them if their kids played with his, are trying to take the moral high ground, but wouldnt actually be happy with it in real life.

DrSbaitso · 17/03/2021 22:33

Although I guess there is some divisions of opinions, I just presumed the Scots wouldnt resort to physical action/s over this...?

Couldn't say. The point is, he wasn't protecting someone (not even defending himself, according to OP) or taking vengeance on a child abuser or any other one of the myriad unlikely scenarios posters have made up to minimise this killing.

Ginger1982 · 21/03/2021 22:20

"Wait....is there actually violence / clashes over this...?

Although I guess there is some divisions of opinions, I just presumed the Scots wouldnt resort to physical action/s over this...?"

Yes, many do.

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 22:58

OP, you are talking rubbish.

There are many documentaries on men who punched in either anger (not saying it's right) or in self defence and the man fell and hit his head..

PP is right , you are speculating, with the stamping.

No, they don't have to inform you, because he is no risk to your kids.

You are not the queen, and do not need to give permission for a man to life in a house

minniemoocher · 21/03/2021 23:01

Killing a man in a fight is not the same as premeditated murder. No I too wouldn't be thrilled but his kids should not be judged because of the actions of their father and without knowing the full details, it could be a lot more nuanced - 4 years is not a typical sentence for manslaughter, there must have been mitigating circumstances. I'm not condoning killing but also I believe in punishment and rehabilitation

RootyT00t · 21/03/2021 23:03

@DrSbaitso

Although I guess there is some divisions of opinions, I just presumed the Scots wouldnt resort to physical action/s over this...?

Couldn't say. The point is, he wasn't protecting someone (not even defending himself, according to OP) or taking vengeance on a child abuser or any other one of the myriad unlikely scenarios posters have made up to minimise this killing.

Where does it say that?

OP doesn't know the circumstances.

MNWorldisCrazy · 22/03/2021 20:41

@Flowers24

Maybe report it and see if he can be moved?
'Be moved?!?!?!' What the fuck?!?! Do you actually believe criminals are provided with housing?!
Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/03/2021 05:25

@MishaHarrow what a load of judgemental bollocks. "The apple doesn't fall far from the tree" my arse.

My dad was in prison quite a few times when I was growing up, for various different things. Kids in my situation usually go one of 2 ways - they want to be the exact opposite (me) or they end up following in their parent's footsteps.

Although I went the opposite way, it's easy to see why others don't. Because if every adult thought like you, kids like me would be condemned before we get to puberty and have no friends at all. Imagine as a child, being constantly judged for something that your parent did. Not by other children, by adults usually, who are supposed to know better.

No wonder so many kids in my position say fuck it, I may as well be what they all think I am.

Namechange1991x · 23/03/2021 05:31

All those saying YABU, would YOU want him living next door???

Namechange1991x · 23/03/2021 05:32

Scary how people are casual about killing another person Shock

Waxonwaxoff0 · 23/03/2021 05:34

@Namechange1991x

All those saying YABU, would YOU want him living next door???
I wouldn't care for reasons stated above. What exactly can you do about it anyway apart from move?
tenredthings · 23/03/2021 05:50

I understand why it's a stressful discovery. It's better you know who he is than not. Hopefully his experience will have taught him to control his temper. Keep your distance, be polite when you have to communicate and avoid arguments is about all you can do

theThreeofWeevils · 23/03/2021 06:52

Court records are not available for public access for a number of years 30+
Not true

LucieStar · 23/03/2021 07:55

@Namechange1991x

Scary how people are casual about killing another person Shock

I thought the same. Especially the "at least it was a man he killed not a woman" comment. Jesus. Imagine if that was your male family member he killed though? Dreadful attitude just because the victim was male.

That disgusting comment aside, I do understand the qualitative difference between murder and manslaughter and I personally would feel differently in each situation in terms of the level of risk I felt the man posed to me and my family. (That said I'd still have empathy enough for his victim to never make the comment "at least it was just a man he killed").

Out of interest, those talking about how "anyone can lose their temper in an instant and kill someone" - would you feel the same if this man had, in a one off incident, lost his temper momentarily and punched a woman, resulting in her death? Or are you just OK minimising manslaughter when the victim is male? Genuinely interested.

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