To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

How dare you feed your toddler great nutrition, with associated benefits to the immune system, and added comfort.

Your friend has some fixed ideas about breastfeeding. Ignore her and do as you want to do.

it's ok to start talking in YEARS you know... You don't keep them as newborn babies however hard you try. Poor kid

I said 27 months because it's easier to wrote than 2 years 3 months or 2 and quarter or just turned 2. And just turned two is very different developmentally, emotionally and physically, to almost 3 (or 30 months).

But if you don't know that, or can't see that, I feel very sorry for you.

@LockdownIcecream

Certainly it would be a more cheerful walk all round if I fed for two minutes on a bench rather than insisting my child had a banana or something else they didn't want instead.

Totally agree with this.

Your friend is a twat, the end.

[quote Dandylioness1]@LockdownIcecream

Certainly it would be a more cheerful walk all round if I fed for two minutes on a bench rather than insisting my child had a banana or something else they didn't want instead.

Totally agree with this.[/quote]
That’s what I mean about creating a need though. He was only whinging because he wanted boob - if he was weaned, he would’ve quite happily carried on walking 🤷🏼‍♀️ So it creates a need, it doesn’t fulfil one.

Im sorry that your friend has an issue with feeding your baby naturally. The world health organisation recommends breastfeeding until 2 or beyond. Your 13 month old does still need milk and of course YANBU to meet your baby’s needs.

P.S if she makes you feel like shit, she’s not your friend. Move on.

dotdashdashdash

indeed, it's a shame no one has ever thought of a way to make a distinction between 2 or 3 years old.

My 84 months old would hate being confused with an 87 months old himself! 😂

Another MN myth to guilt trip mums!

On MN the benefits are never quantified, and breast milk is made out to be some kind of kryptonite or something. Which inevitably leads to a lot of upset new mums that can’t breastfeed.

Why does every single thread about breastfeeding become all about the feelings of FF mums? I've breastfed and formula-fed, so I'm as unbiased as can be. This thread is about a woman who was criticised for breastfeeding, and even that has turned into a discussion about how FF mums' feelings might be hurt. If a woman posted on here that her friend had asked her not to formula-feed in front of her because it's unnatural, everyone would condemn the friend. Breastfeeding mums are a tiny minority, so they get trampled on and told to tiptoe around the dominant group.

It's like the whole trans thing. "Cis" women have to change the language they use to describe their own bodies in case it upsets trans "women". It's ridiculous. You can't lecture biology itself about political correctness. It doesn't matter if someone is upset at being told breastmilk is superior to formula, or at being told women don't have penises - biology doesn't care!

@beyondtheshoe

dotdashdashdash

indeed, it's a shame no one has ever thought of a way to make a distinction between 2 or 3 years old.

My 84 months old would hate being confused with an 87 months old himself! 😂

I normally just say 2y5m or whatever

I wonder what posters on this thread who are against this know about early childhood development and attachment...
OP, I fed my dd until he was 3 and a half when he decided he no longer wanted it anymore. And he asked for boob because that was a quick and easy way for him to ask. I would have done as you did. Why should you give an ‘alternative’? You have what he needs. And the comfort and security he will gain from having his needs met will not create a ‘spoiled’ child but a confident and secure child. Keep going OP and don’t let this incident put you off.

@Wondermule

He doesn’t want to wean.

5 weeks ago he was under 12 months old.

Based on your posts and what you’ve said, it would’ve been acceptable to feed him today if id posted this 5 weeks ago...

5 weeks is such a short amount of time and to expect him to suddenly not have milk when he wants / needs is unrealistic at this age!

@Growuppeople
Your username makes your comment sound even more ridiculous.
If you don’t like a baby calling a boob a ‘boob’ then you need to grow up

I wonder what posters on this thread who are against this know about early childhood development and attachment...

yes, that's why they didn't become one of these ridiculous clingy mothers!

@ZoeCM

Another MN myth to guilt trip mums!

On MN the benefits are never quantified, and breast milk is made out to be some kind of kryptonite or something. Which inevitably leads to a lot of upset new mums that can’t breastfeed.

Why does every single thread about breastfeeding become all about the feelings of FF mums? I've breastfed and formula-fed, so I'm as unbiased as can be. This thread is about a woman who was criticised for breastfeeding, and even that has turned into a discussion about how FF mums' feelings might be hurt. If a woman posted on here that her friend had asked her not to formula-feed in front of her because it's unnatural, everyone would condemn the friend. Breastfeeding mums are a tiny minority, so they get trampled on and told to tiptoe around the dominant group.

It's like the whole trans thing. "Cis" women have to change the language they use to describe their own bodies in case it upsets trans "women". It's ridiculous. You can't lecture biology itself about political correctness. It doesn't matter if someone is upset at being told breastmilk is superior to formula, or at being told women don't have penises - biology doesn't care!

I’ve certainly seen threads criticising mums giving bottles of formula past the age of 1, but that’s because drinking from a bottle isn’t good for the teeth.

I think it turns into a bun fight because some idiots will always be like EW BREASTFEEDING, and the rest will be spouting stuff about breastfeeding to 2 being a must, how incredible it is for a child’s health, bizarre comparisons to a cow (even though I’m guessing they have milk in their tea themselves) etc.

The reality is that breast milk is undoubtedly the ‘natural’ source of milk for babies. How much better than formula it is, tends to be overstated though - the individual benefits are amazing on paper, but in real life make only the tiniest difference to a person’s lifelong health.

But it’s these benefits being overstated that leads to mum guilt when breastfeeding doesn’t go well, to mums persevering through exhaustion and mastitis etc believing the health benefits outweigh their own mental health, and then afterwards when their kid gets colds etc like any other this weird sunken cost fallacy where they defend it to the death. Because otherwise it’s admitting they wasted precious newborn months doing something that makes little difference in the long run.

It’s a very interesting debate but people do get very emotional.

Today my DD fed my DGD while we walked , she’s 7 months , I thought they were both super stars ⭐️! Your friend is a fool .... come and be friends with my DD🤣x

@Level32

By feeding your child bananas/apples/satsumas....whatever their favourite fruit is, haven't you "created a need". I mean, your 3/4/5....10yo would never ask you for a banana if you didn't give her a banana in the first place.

The difference is someone wouldn’t give their child a satsuma if they asked for one saying they had to ‘fulfil a need’ would they? I doubt kids would nag that much for fruit anyway!

@beyondtheshoe

To still be breastfeeding at 13 months is a fantastic achievement.

don't be ridiculous. It's a choice, but no need to start giving out medals.

(I DID breastfeed. 4 kids. I am in a very good position to say that BF mothers are in no way superior, better or different from any other mother).

A 13 months old is not a tiny baby, he's a TODDLER. The tiny stage is long gone. Most of them have teeth too!

Why is it that you feel the need to shoot somebody down simply because they try to encourage another person? Breastfeeding is bloody hard, and it gets harder as the child gets older because of people who make daft comments like you. Feeding to 13 months means she's probably done every single feed herself, every single night feed, never handed her baby to another person to put a bottle in his mouth.

I'm not giving out medals and I never said that breastfeeding mothers were superior, babies are hard work in general, but I'm sorry that you've twisted my comment to offend you.

Shes a nutjob, and the woman agreeing with her are stupid and ignorant as well. This completely enrages me. I'd go none contact for many reasons. Mostly in none of her funking business how you parent your child and shouldn't be telling you how wrong you are.

I am always saddened when breastfeeding in public is frowned upon by anyone. YANBU and certainly aged one is no reason to object.

Tell your friend to stop watching any re-runs of Little Britain.

The difference is someone wouldn’t give their child a satsuma if they asked for one saying they had to ‘fulfil a need’ would they? I doubt kids would nag that much for fruit anyway!

I gave my sixteen month old a satsuma earlier when she asked for one, and she asked for another when it was finished. Pretty sure she does need things like fruit as part of her diet, and not because I’ve ‘created’ that need by nourishing her your kids might not nag for fruit, lots of them are mad for it!

But @Wondermule, the benefits really aren't overstated. Breastmilk can even protect against childhood cancer -- you can't ask for much more than that. It upsets me to type that, because I still feel guilt about not breastfeeding my second child - but it's the way it is. If the differences between formula and breastmilk were negligible, the formula companies would have taken WHO to court and presented the evidence, so they would no longer have to put "breast is breast" disclaimers on their product and in their adverts. But they haven't.

@millymollymoomoo

Well I think there are separate points It’s not wrong to breastfeed a 13 month old It’s not wrong to feed in public

A 13 month old doesn’t need feeding on demand though. They need breakfast, lunch and tea with milk first thing and before bed.

But it’s your choice if you wish

What times are breakfast, lunch and tea? Tea is an afternoon thing, no? Not later, like supper, for example.

breakfast: 6-8 am,

lunch 12-2pm (unless one is in Spain, but their times are mostly later anyway... 2-4pm for lunch, and dinner from about 8pm...sometime later).

Dinner 7-9pm.

I'm wondering with that "tea" thing: how long is baby expected to go without food between "tea" and "breakfast"?

Yes, we fed our baby on demand. Yes, I've encouraged other women to breast feed on demand. In a GP surgery, pre-covid (of all places, where the youngish mum was worried that people would complain if she fed her child. I smiled and made it clear her child wanted a feed, and that anyone complaining was being an arse). She fed the child.

There have been multiple other occasions where other mums have hesitated to breast feed their children. It's a crazy situation. They're breastfeeding. Don't like to see? DOn't look.. and maybe try and get some therapy.