To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

@ZoeCM

But *@Wondermule*, the benefits really aren't overstated. Breastmilk can even protect against childhood cancer -- you can't ask for much more than that. It upsets me to type that, because I still feel guilt about not breastfeeding my second child - but it's the way it is. If the differences between formula and breastmilk were negligible, the formula companies would have taken WHO to court and presented the evidence, so they would no longer have to put "breast is breast" disclaimers on their product and in their adverts. But they haven't.

But that’s my point. You can’t just say ‘it protects against X and Y’ without saying by how much.

You’ll just leave FF mums panicking that they didn’t do something to cut their child’s chance of cancer by a substantial amount, when in reality I am willing to bet it is very small?

Of course they have to put breast is best, because it is - as I have said - but by a very tiny amount. Plus it is generally better for the environment and those in third world countries, so obviously it is promoted.

@ZoeCM in fact I trotted off and found it myself because I don’t want you to feel guilty about FF your child!

There was weak evidence, of borderline statistical significance, that having been breastfed was associated with a small reduction in the odds ratios for leukaemia (odds ratio = 0.89, 95% Cl 0.80–1.00, P = 0.06), and for all cancers combined (odds ratio = 0.92, 95% Cl 0.84–1.00, P = 0.05). Combining data from the UKCCS with results from other published studies showed a small reduction in the odds ratios for leukaemia, Hodgkin's disease, non-haematological cancers, and all childhood cancers combined, associated with ever having been breastfed. It is unclear whether the apparent small reduction in the odds ratio for these various types of childhood cancer is a generalized effect of breastfeeding or whether it reflects some systematic bias in the majority of studies that have investigated the question.

So there, please don’t worry

What a horrible 'friend'. I will never understand why other people care so much about how you feed your own baby, it wouldn't cross my mind to comment on this- ignorance I guess! You do you 💁‍♀️

I agree with a bit of all of this.

It's fine for you to BF your child still at this age, and it's fine to do so in public. However a child that age does not need on demand feeding. If you no longer want to feed on demand then yes, you can just offer a banana and water and child will be fine with this, if not the first time then the third time. I personally hate demand feeding past the weaning stage - just like anything else it's not always convenient, and stopping demand feeding stops the expectation that you'll stop and feed anywhere. But if you are fine with it, no problem.

I would never say anything, but internally would be a bit like 'come on let's keep walking give them a snack' if my friend suggested stopping for a feed.

I haven't RTFT, but your friend is ignorant. Why do people have to butt in and give their unasked for opinions on breastfeeding? Unbelievable.

I had loads of ill informed, nasty remarks (many of them from DP's family) about the fact that I was still breastfeeding after 6 months. I carried on until DS1 was 3 and DS2 was 2 and a half. It's nobody's effing business. I remember my friend making a remark about 'bitty' to someone she knew who we were chatting to, referring to the fact that I was still breastfeeding DS1 (2 at the time). I didn't bring the subject up. The woman was a stranger to me. I was mortified and felt utterly betrayed by her as she had always seemed fairly supportive of my extended breastfeeding.

Yanbu

If you were my friend I'd have helped find you a seat and offered a coat or blanket to help keep you/ child warm whilst feeding.

She had her own insecurities. May I assume she never breastfed? She's probably has feelings about that.

She's a bitch. You should be able to feed your baby in public without judgement, from her or from strangers. A 13m old very much still needs milk whether that's from a bottle or breast so that was an invalid point she made there.

Hallyup5

Why is it that you feel the need to shoot somebody down simply because they try to encourage another person? Breastfeeding is bloody hard, and it gets harder as the child gets older because of people who make daft comments like you. Feeding to 13 months means she's probably done every single feed herself, every single night feed, never handed her baby to another person to put a bottle in his mouth.

what a lot of tosh.

First stop trying to make Bottle-F mums bad. You are not describing a better mother, you are describing some weird martyr with attachment issues.

I don't know what kind of BF experience you have, but what's that nonsense about doing it all by herself? HOW do you think working mothers manage? Ever heard of a breast pump? (They are not glam, I give you that, but they do the job).

So no need to pretend that BF are some saint martyrs with no life. You are more likely to put people off than anything else frankly.

It's OK to have a life, it's OK to share feeds with your partner/mother/sister.. It's OK to go back to work and it sure doesn't prevent you from breast feeding!

So a BF mother sticking with it way past the age when the baby actually needs it and benefits from it, as we are not in a developing country here, is not having such a hard time as you make it either.

Is 13 months really an older baby ?

Maybe 18months but surely a 1 year old is still tiny ?

She had her own insecurities. May I assume she never breastfed? She's probably has feelings about that.

you can try to be as nasty as you want, but it's perfectly possible to have an opinion AND be a breastfeeding mother.

As a mother of 4 breastfed babies, I pity those who feel they have some superiority because they could - or chose to - breastfed. You don't have much to be proud of in your life if you stick to such petty details, do you.

@LavenderDiamond

Is 13 months really an older baby ?

Maybe 18months but surely a 1 year old is still tiny ?

if nothing else, they don't go into the "baby rooms" in any of the local nurseries here. They are definitively toddlers.

@pollylocketpickedapocket

I have a great life thanks 😊

breast milk is a great thing and if you want to continue to give it to your 13 month old then well done to you. I am still feeding my 15 month old and get anxious about peoples views but it really isnt anyone elses business.

I dont get why other people would feel embarrassed by it. because I'm presuming that is why you're friend said hes too old to feed in public.

of course 13 months isnt too old to feed in public. very strange that some people think it is.

Your friends an absolute dick and I'd be getting rid of her full stop.

@beyondtheshoe

She had her own insecurities. May I assume she never breastfed? She's probably has feelings about that.

you can try to be as nasty as you want, but it's perfectly possible to have an opinion AND be a breastfeeding mother.

As a mother of 4 breastfed babies, I pity those who feel they have some superiority because they could - or chose to - breastfed. You don't have much to be proud of in your life if you stick to such petty details, do you.

You’ve been quite nasty yourself on this thread, without any reason to be.

Your little one is still a baby and your friend was rude. I formula fed both of mine but would 100% have no issue with a friend feeding a 13m old in whatever circumstances they wanted. I have to admit I have felt uncomfortable in the past with older toddlers at 21/2- 3 feeding publicly. We were at an into to pre-school event and everyone was sitting in a circle listening to a story when one of the mums started feeding. Everyone probably does have a line where they feel uncomfortable and that was mine.

@Wondermule exactly. The world would be much kinder to new mums if everyone would just mind their own fucking business about how, when and where babies and young children are fed.

They do round here, baby rooms go up to 2 years.

It's up to you, not your friend. At that age I would have probably only been BF in morning and evening and not on demand, certainly simpler that way and easier for when you decide to stop BF. I agree at that age they need breakfast, lunch, dinner, breastmilk is still important but personally I wouldn't be giving it on demand at that age. However it is your choice, personally I would have hated having toddler demanding a boob whenever they felt the need, there are other ways of providing comfort!

Oops was trying to quote!

Your child, your choice. I've had friends do similar with much older and have always supported their choice.

Personally, as you asked, I wouldn't do this. At that age mine were breastfed morning and night at home in private. I stopped breastfeeding on demand (except when unwell) when they started solids/drinking water.

@beyondtheshoe in a country where the breastfeeding rates are so low, support is lacking and there are attitudes like those all over this thread I think if someone who breastfed wants to feel proud than why not?

and not because its superior to formula feeding but because it can be really hard and raising a child is difficult enough as it is, why not acknowledge you did something that you are proud of?

I wasn't being nasty!!😂

I was stating that she's probably got feelings about it. If she was super pro breastfeeding she'd have been fine about it.

I wasn't a breast feeder but support friends that do and have no issue

Really. Nasty !? 😂

@Addicted89 he wasn’t calling a “boob a boob” he wanted milk he doesn’t need straight away at that age