To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

@Wondermule I think the issue is that we simply don't know whether or not it is negligible at this stage. As I've mentioned before we understand so little about developmental programming at the moment; the effect may be negligible or significant in terms of disease risk in much later life.

I do agree with you that many of the benefits do appear to be overstated, but if I'm able to feed mine for a longer period, they want to and I want to then I'd err on the side that breastmilk is likely to be better overall than cows milk and carry on. Many probably feel the same, so why shouldn't they feed in public if they want to?

Why offer your child processed food when you've got something free & warm, that they asked for, on tap?

I haven't bf in public for years but if only I still was I would train my DCs to ask for appendage, appendage!!

I can’t understand how someone can feel uncomfortable at the idea of breastfeeding a just turned 1 year old baby. What is weird about it? I can more understand people finding it odd once they’re 2 plus and talking (even though it’s still completely normal obviously, but people in the UK just don’t see examples of it so often find it odd). I fed two of mine to 18 months and admit towards the end I tried not to feed them out and about because I felt judged, but it shouldn’t be that way.

[quote LockdownIcecream]@Wondermule I think the issue is that we simply don't know whether or not it is negligible at this stage. As I've mentioned before we understand so little about developmental programming at the moment; the effect may be negligible or significant in terms of disease risk in much later life.

I do agree with you that many of the benefits do appear to be overstated, but if I'm able to feed mine for a longer period, they want to and I want to then I'd err on the side that breastmilk is likely to be better overall than cows milk and carry on. Many probably feel the same, so why shouldn't they feed in public if they want to?[/quote]
I voted YANBU. I have never said people shouldn’t feed in public. I’ve agreed breast milk is the natural food for babies and that it is marginally better than formula, better for the environment, cheaper and all of those things.

However the benefit is negligible. That is a fact. And when I state it (to reassure ff mums), bfing mums get incredibly angry and accuse me of undermining breastfeeding. The first bottle fed babies are now in their 70s, some babies were even fed carnation milk. Many studies have shown very little difference in long term outcomes, with a negligible benefit to breastfeeding. Other studies have linked breastfeeding with a higher rate of allergies. This isn’t my opinion, although you would think it was, from this thread.

I then stated my opinion that the reason it makes some bfing mums so angry is because they spent their newborn days toughing out breastfeeding and letting it stress them out rather than enjoying the baby and making special memories. I think if they admit it was for a negligible benefit it seems like they wasted that precious time. Of course I got called ‘deeply shitty’ for that comment as well.

So basically I have been slammed for using facts rather than emotional breastfeeding speak.

Well, I think enough posters have got the measure of the OP now and she’s been exposed as the fraud she is. There’s no coy, wide-eyed vulnerable new Mum looking for breastfeeding reassurance here, just a militant type wanting to start an argument, collect back pats and feel all superior.

@Wondermule has done an excellent job in attempting to counter the more cult-like proclamations of breastmilk being akin to the elixir of eternal life/blood of the second coming of Christ.

RoseGoldEagle
Me neither.
I understand people who might find it unusual to see someone breastfeeding a toddler because it's uncommon in the UK, but they lose any understanding from me when instead of saying 'it's unusual or uncommon to see a 2 year old nursing' they say things like 'but they don't need breastmilk, it's for your benefit not the child's, it's weird, why can't you just give them a snack, they're old enough for cows milk, breastfeeding in public is a problem because some of us dislike nudity and there's no reason to be removing your clothes in public, make them wait or give them a bag of fruit pieces/rice cake/insert snack that has approval here'.
Those sorts of responses to a woman using her boobs to feed her child as nature intended say more about those people than the woman minding her own business and feeding her child.

@Wondermule it sounds like we do agree on most points (including that some benefits are often probably overstated). I also agree with you about some breastfeeding mums being particularly defensive

But I cannot agree that it is fact that the benefits are negligible when it comes to later life disease risk. I also think that there is a lot we just don't know yet about the early life window and epigenetics which is why it is such an area of focus at the moment.

I think you’re absolutely on the money, Wondermule. Nobody likes to feel they’ve been misled and unfortunately, the way breastfeeding statistics are presented (not being clear about absolute v relative risk, mixing developed and developing world data) means that some people have a unrealistic picture of the actual benefits. There are benefits but they are marginal; so marginal that they can only be seen at the population level.

[quote LockdownIcecream]@Wondermule it sounds like we do agree on most points (including that some benefits are often probably overstated). I also agree with you about some breastfeeding mums being particularly defensive

But I cannot agree that it is fact that the benefits are negligible when it comes to later life disease risk. I also think that there is a lot we just don't know yet about the early life window and epigenetics which is why it is such an area of focus at the moment.[/quote]
Of course but the same could be said for WiFi connections, living next to a pylon, using medications, anything, couldn’t it?

@LolaSmiles

Only on here to I hear of all these women getting undressed, being naked, stripping off, removing all their clothes, forcing the world to stare at their appendages etc.

This really made me LOL 😂

Why would anyone need scientific proof of 'benefits' to conclude that human breastmilk is a preferable option for their child compared to cows breastmilk?

I find the whole premise of the conversation baffling.

@FloconDeNeige

I think you’re absolutely on the money, Wondermule. Nobody likes to feel they’ve been misled and unfortunately, the way breastfeeding statistics are presented (not being clear about absolute v relative risk, mixing developed and developing world data) means that some people have a unrealistic picture of the actual benefits. There are benefits but they are marginal; so marginal that they can only be seen at the population level.

Thank you. I’m not ‘bashing’ bfing I am Just being honest. I think bfing is great if you find it easy and baby thrives on it, but I don’t think it is worth putting yourself through weeks or months of hell if you find it tough. You should just focus on enjoying your new baby, as the time goes in a flash and the benefits of bfing are just too small to justify missing out on that time.

Your friend is stupid!

@TheKeatingFive

Why would anyone need scientific proof of 'benefits' to conclude that human breastmilk is a preferable option for their child compared to cows breastmilk?

I find the whole premise of the conversation baffling.

Because bfing mums on here are stating the usual misleading ‘benefits’. I am just putting them into some sort of perspective so ff mums won’t panic.

I am just putting them into some sort of perspective so ff mums won’t panic.

This thread isn't about panicking FF mothers though. It's about trying to police women BFing children over a certain age in public.

@TheKeatingFive

I am just putting them into some sort of perspective so ff mums won’t panic.

This thread isn't about panicking FF mothers though. It's about trying to police women BFing children over a certain age in public.

Well, we digressed 🤷🏼‍♀️

She doesn't sound like a very supportive friend. I think you absolutely did the right thing! I still nurse my nearly two and a half year old in public. The UK has very low breastfeeding rate and I think seeing people nursing babies/toddlers of different ages in public is really important!

It's about trying to police women BFing children over a certain age in public

No, it’s about the OP disingenuously starting a BF debate.

@OhCaptain

I don’t know why the thread was started. I asked OP but she ignored the question

I asked if she was so sure she was right, why she felt the need to garner opinions online. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I started the thread because I felt that my friend made me think I was doing something wrong by feeding my son in public when he asked for it.

I haven’t had the luxury of going to breastfeeding support groups, I haven’t even been around other breastfeeding mums due to Covid.
I don’t have the knowledge and experience of RL breastfeeding mums, simply because my mat leave has been in Covid times and I haven’t had the opportunity to meet any.

It wasn’t to boast about feeding at 13m or to
start a debate.
It was to hear from other mums and if what Im doing is “right” or “normal”.

I actually wish I’d never even asked on MN now because some of the responses are so much worse than I thought they ever would be.

Oh pull the other one, OP.

It was to hear from other mums and if what Im doing is “right” or “normal”.

You’ve said it is yourself Op, on numerous occasions throughout this thread. So it’s no wonder posters aren’t buying that.

Well, we digressed

This points you made a few pages back doesn't seem to be focused on panicking FFs either, to be fair.

My point was that I don’t think people do see it as sexualised, they just feel uncomfortable at someone having a boob out - probably in part because they worry if they look away they will be labelled a prude, but if they point their eyes in the mums direction they will look like a weirdo.

Would you say the same about a bloke walking round with nothing on? It’s not the same I know, but it’s the same principle, the public here just don’t like any form of nudity.

Much more in the vein of trying to police BFing mothers, wouldn't you say?

[quote Dandylioness1]@OhCaptain

I don’t know why the thread was started. I asked OP but she ignored the question

I asked if she was so sure she was right, why she felt the need to garner opinions online. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I started the thread because I felt that my friend made me think I was doing something wrong by feeding my son in public when he asked for it.

I haven’t had the luxury of going to breastfeeding support groups, I haven’t even been around other breastfeeding mums due to Covid.
I don’t have the knowledge and experience of RL breastfeeding mums, simply because my mat leave has been in Covid times and I haven’t had the opportunity to meet any.

It wasn’t to boast about feeding at 13m or to
start a debate.
It was to hear from other mums and if what Im doing is “right” or “normal”.

I actually wish I’d never even asked on MN now because some of the responses are so much worse than I thought they ever would be.[/quote]
Ok but some have told you (wrongly, IMO) that it’s not right or normal, and you’ve vociferously defended your decisions so I was wondering why you’d asked when you were so sure. Why you wanted opinions that you’re adamant are incorrect.

There’s nothing misleading about saying breastfeeding is beneficial. You might well not be able to breastfeed, or you might decide the benefits aren’t worth it to you, just like some people decide the benefits of a balanced diet and exercise aren’t worth the inconvenience to them, but there’s literally nothing misleading about saying that breastmilk is the best thing for babies. As has been pointed out, that’s why they spend so much trying to closely replicate it.

I started the thread because I felt that my friend made me think I was doing something wrong by feeding my son in public when he asked for it.

You're not.

The only reason your friend thinks you are, is because she's been indoctrinated by society to see breasts as primarily a tool for men's sexual pleasure.