To feed my 1 year old outside

[Dandylioness1]

My son is 13 months old.

I met my friend for a walk in the park this morning.

Her daughter is 2 years old.

We’d been walking a while and my son started to become unsettled and was asking for “boob boob”

I told my friend I’d stop at the next bench and let him have some milk.

She seemed mortified by this idea. She asked me if I could give him some water instead and that he was too old for me to be feeding him in public.

I told her I would be discreet about it but she said it was just about being discreet and that it’s also an issue that he’s 13 months and doesn’t need breastmilk, she said I should offer him water or a snack instead.

I ignored what she said I found a place to sit and let my son have some milk.

It’s made me feel pretty bad now and as a first time mum (who’s spent my sons first year in a global pandemic and lockdowns) i feel like I’m doing it all wrong. 🙁

AIBU to feed him on demand at this age?

This is all irrelevant, it's a legally protected right to feed wherever and whenever.
If you don't like it don't look

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space.
I’ll let my two-year-old know next time we’re out and I’m sure she’ll nod and say, “Quite right, cover your appendage up, mother, I’d far rather a dry rice cake and some water. What if an uptight random sees the back of my head nuzzled inside your coat?”

@Viviennemary

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I have never seen anyone doing this. So outside MN it really isn't the norm. IMHO.

The reason is the child wanted it. That literally is the reason. There is no other reason required. Yes, it isn’t the norm for older babies to be breastfed and that’s a bad thing from a health perspective.

You people aren't in a third world country and your kids aren't malnourished. There is no additional benefit

Quite aside from the fact that this isn't true, why do you need a benefit?

Why would anyone have to justify feeding a child human breastmilk rather than cows breastmilk? What absolute batshit.

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space.

Are you in favour of outlawing all eating and drinking in public spaces?

If not, why discriminate against toddlers?

@Viviennemary

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I have never seen anyone doing this. So outside MN it really isn't the norm. IMHO.

Reason: they want to Need: they’re hungry

You haven’t seen anyone doing this because you haven’t noticed, not because it doesn’t happen. People are discreet.

Of course YANBU. And breastfeeding in public is a legally protected right regardless of whether some people feel it’s unnecessary.

I’ve had 2 breastfed DC, and both of them have been breastfed in public when older than 13 months if they’ve needed it. Weaning is a gradual process, babies don’t suddenly stop needing / wanting breastfeeding just because they’ve passed some magical 12 month point.

I always wonder on these threads, would the people arguing against breastfeeding a 13 month (or however old) child in public, be equally opposed to the notion of that same child being given a bottle of formula milk or cows milk in public?

@Viviennemary

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I have never seen anyone doing this. So outside MN it really isn't the norm. IMHO.

😂 I think you just haven't noticed! I've fed my toddler on the beach, on planes (before pandemic), in cafes and on many a bench on a walk. You probably just thought toddler was having a cuddle as it's pretty discreet.

😂 I think you just haven't noticed!
I've fed my toddler on the beach, on planes (before pandemic), in cafes and on many a bench on a walk.
You probably just thought toddler was having a cuddle as it's pretty discreet
This
Only on here to I hear of all these women getting undressed, being naked, stripping off, removing all their clothes, forcing the world to stare at their appendages etc.

The only time I've seen large amounts of other women's breasts was at a breastfeeding support group where flopping one our was part of peer supporters and professionally trained staff supporting women to breastfeed.

So many of the objections on this thread are based on the fact that the OP 'could have' offered something different to her baby. But why does 'could have' mean 'should have'? Why does the fact that an alternative might be available mean that it is a better choice than breastfeeding?

@SixDegrees

Of course YANBU. And breastfeeding in public is a legally protected right regardless of whether some people feel it’s unnecessary.

I’ve had 2 breastfed DC, and both of them have been breastfed in public when older than 13 months if they’ve needed it. Weaning is a gradual process, babies don’t suddenly stop needing / wanting breastfeeding just because they’ve passed some magical 12 month point.

I always wonder on these threads, would the people arguing against breastfeeding a 13 month (or however old) child in public, be equally opposed to the notion of that same child being given a bottle of formula milk or cows milk in public?

Of course not, it’s fantastic advertising from dairy farmers and social conditioning that ensures majority feel outraged at a mammal providing their offspring with the correct milk.

Why an earth would you want to provide a human infant with human milk when you can provide them with cows, goats, sheep’s milk?

How have we reached a point where the majority think that is actually better than the milk developed through millennia for our babies.

Absurd.

@Somethingsnappy

So many of the objections on this thread are based on the fact that the OP 'could have' offered something different to her baby. But why does 'could have' mean 'should have'? Why does the fact that an alternative might be available mean that it is a better choice than breastfeeding?

The only conclusion is that they think another adult’s misogynistic discomfort trumps the child’s discomfort in being a hungry breastfed baby.

It makes me seethingly angry when people think breastfeeding is the most normal, natural thing in the world. The human race wouldn't have survived without it.

Oh major error when people think breastfeeding is NOT the most normal natural thing

@Countrygirl2021 totally agree.

If dairy farming wasn’t so mechanised and people had to put theirs/their babies mouths to the cows udder directly I’d bet everything I had on there being less dairy intake.

Drinking raw (cow) milk is really not advised , and it does taste really strong.

You won't find many cow owner drinking directly from the udder, they are not mad

My son calls it boob boob. Its entirely up to you what you call it in your family.

My inlaws often o
Told me my kids didn't need breastmilk anymore often while plyibg their small children with fizzy juice or ice cream which apparently they did need...

WHO recommends feeding until at least 2 and tbh she had absolutely no right to make such comments to you especially as she's meant to be a friend, I'd tell her why she's wrong and ask for an apology actually.
She has no issue telling you that you are wrong when you aren't

@burritofan

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I’ll let my two-year-old know next time we’re out and I’m sure she’ll nod and say, “Quite right, cover your appendage up, mother, I’d far rather a dry rice cake and some water. What if an uptight random sees the back of my head nuzzled inside your coat?”

There's no need to go on the swings, eat an ice cream, drink a coffee, being virtually nude on the beach either, but people do and it's considered perfectly normal. Why are those things ok when feeding your baby from your breast isn't? You see more "appendage" at the beach.

@Viviennemary

There is no reason or need to breast feed older children in a public space. I have never seen anyone doing this. So outside MN it really isn't the norm. IMHO.

Most mums are very discreet when they breastfeed in public. You have probably seen women doing it without knowing that that's what they were doing.

My son calls it boob boob. Its entirely up to you what you call it in your family.
I tried to teach DD to call cup milk “moo-moo” (she couldn’t say cow at the time) to differentiate that from breastfeeding. Now she calls boob “moo-moo”

I’ve fed mine way older than that and I don’t care where/who is there. It wouldn’t even cross my mind. They like it, it makes them happy, it makes me happy, it’s good for them, fits WHO recommendations and does no one else any harm.

Given those facts, why on earth would anyone care what I do with my boobs and what goes into my child?

So many people have such a negative attitude towards breastfeeding! I think there should really be a focus on educating children about ways babies are fed (and for how long) because focusing on pregnant mothers is just not having a big enough effect on societal attitudes. Almost every single baby doll comes with a bottle, stories have babies being bottle fed in them, but when I was pregnant with my second and looking for books about a new baby arriving, it was pretty hard to find one showing breastfeeding! It's really difficult to escape the fact that bottle feeding is the norm here.

It's been asserted here that the affects of breastfeeding are really minimal, can't tell by looking who's been formula or breastfed, etc, but I'd question the level of research that's possible to be done in the current climate of such minimal rates of breastfeeding. Yes, the benefits of breastfeeding are amazing for developing countries and formula companies have a lot to answer for there, but I don't agree that the benefits here are "negligible" just because we have clean water and a secure food supply.

If you take any time at all to look into the composition of breastmilk, then you can see how amazing it is and that's only the components that scientists know about! From fatty acids that specifically support the growth of the human brain, to lactocytes, stem cells, immune cells, white blood cells, antibodies, enzymes and proteins. There's simply no way that all these ingredients have such limited benefits to the body and immune system, and a substitute (which is adequate nutritionally) containing cow's milk, vegetable oils, lactose, and a mix of vitamins and minerals is comparable.

And since the human immune system is thought to only be mature at the age of 6, it makes sense that natural term breastfeeding would assist the child's immature immune system for as long as possible.

@OlmostOlwyn

But that was exactly my point - people trotting out the (incredible) sounding benefits but refusing to quantify them. Which is what you have just done.

I didn’t refute that breast milk is objectively amazing, but the difference it makes to a child’s long term health is negligible. Why does everyone get so offended by this fact?

I would have fed my child outside at that age. No issue with it. It’s not like you strip down to your bra to feed a baby. When I fed mine unless you’d stared really hard it was pretty difficult to see your actually breast feeding anyway. Honestly? I couldn’t be friends with someone like that!

If you’d stopped and given him a bottle I’m sure she wouldn’t have had a problem.

Of course you could have just given him some crisps and fruit shoot!